Life, with a little spice
by Lauriesf
Summary: Installment to Louise and Seasoned with Love. Post season 5. Atlantis, the team and my OC leave Earth for Pegasus and beyond. And Murphy's law barges in... Rated M for later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_Life, with a little spice 1_

 _Welcome back to Louise's story. This is the installment to Louise and Seasoned with Love. I've been working on it for several months and have been hit by a lot of writer's block. This story is not completely written yet but I know where I'm going, though I'm still struggling with quite a few chapters._

 _I've also worked on a lot on recipes that you will find both on my blog, where you will find many more (blog dot ac-versailles dot fr/seasonedwithlove), and throughout the chapters. I hope you enjoy this new story as well as the recipes._

 _Feedback, coffee and donuts are my fuel so don't hesitate to send me the first item. I'll take care of the other two ;)_

 _Just a request before we begin, though. I don't mind constructive criticism. Just don't judge my story on the chapter you walk on and if you really don't like it, no need to be mean. Thank you._

It happens almost three months into their journey – three blissful months of often stepping through the gate together and running the City side by side. All this – being on the City, sharing their life, sharing the same bed at night – she knew it couldn't last. She's told him once – whatever she did in her lifetime, the universe is making her pay for it. The universe, or the Ancients, or someone.

She steps hurriedly into the gateroom, asking for help and freezes, her eyes darting from one side of the room to the other in alarm. Four marines have their P90s trained on her. They order her – rather yell than order, actually – to remove her backpack, vest and sidearm slowly and slide them towards them. Her eyes widen with fear and her mind goes spinning.

She's just returned before the agreed time to ask for urgent help, the rest of the team having disappeared in the fog that had suddenly descended from the hills around the village. She's searched for them everywhere, returned to the village but no one – not even the villagers – was there. Her radio got only static after what felt like hours of useless search, so she'd finally headed back to the gate and sent her IDC and broken all the rules by stepping through the gate before she received a go-ahead, counting on the fact they'd heard her pleas to send reinforcement, and they'd be waiting for her and would drop the shield.

She does as told and puts her hands behind her head. "What's going on here?" she pleads. "We need reinforcements, stat. I'm the only one who made it back to the gate. For all I know, they're still out there..."

One of the marines stares her down. "Ma'am, you need to wait for Colonel Sheppard. He's on his way."

She sighs in relief. "Thank God." Techs are watching her from the Control Room balcony, talking in hushed tones. She sees Amelia and Chuck but they look away when they see her watching them. She wants to attract their attention but the marines cock their weapons at her once more. She hears the clicks of the safeties and gulps.

"What the hell...?" is all he says as he enters the room at a run. When he sees her, his hand drops to his sidearm and he narrows his eyes at her. "I needed to see it for myself. Couldn't believe what I've just been told," he mutters to Chuck who's descending the stairs.

Chuck nods at him sternly. "Couldn't either, Sir. Still can't."

"Who the hell are you?" John demands, training his eyes on her once more.

She gasps. This must be the worst joke ever. "John! Come on! It's not funny. Don't you see it's me?"

He sneers. "I don't know who me is, dearie, but if you're talking about our little cook, I agree with you, it's not funny."

"What the hell are you talking about?" she growls in exasperation. "It's me, Louise, and I need your help asap, John."

"Ma'am," Chuck tells her calmly, seeing his CO is still trying to wrap his mind around the whole concept of having someone looking like Louise in this very room, "Louise Léger went MIA three years ago. Only the rest of the team returned. Whoever you are, you're not Louise and this is a cruel joke."

She tries to process what he's just said. _Three years? That can't be_. She left just over twenty-four hours ago. She looks at John whose eyes are still trained on her and sees a couple wrinkles around his eyes she had never seen before and a few white hairs in his five o'clock shadow. She only notices because of what Chuck's just said but when she looks around, she does see a few unfamiliar faces – some techs she doesn't know and those marines too. "No," she insists stubbornly, "you got it all wrong. I mean... Am I again in another reality?" she wonders aloud.

Sheppard taps his headset. "Get me Teldy here, stat. Sheppard out." He turns to her. "We'll inquire into it, of course, but if you contend you went to MP4-916 with Teldy's team then you're gonna be confronted with her and you'd better answer my questions," he snaps the last two words, his eyes turning dark with unrepressed anger.

"John, honey, please..." She feels her head spinning. _This can't be happening._ She's stepped into a freakish nightmare.

"Don't honey me," he barks back, advancing on her menacingly, his gun now trained on her.

She starts hyperventilating and before she can do anything about it, she blacks out.

She wakes up in the infirmary, her eyes being prodded by a bright light. She blinks and tries to turn her head but just that simple movement hurts like hell. She groans and hears Jennifer's worried voice telling her to take it easy. She opens her eyes slowly and sees her friend looking down on her. "Hi," she says drowsily.

The othe woman gives her a tense smile. "How are you feeling?"

She tries to move and realizes her hands and feet are tied to the bed. She gasps and her breathing gets labored. "Why?" she whimpers.

Jennifer lays a reassuring hand on her forearm. "It's OK. It's just a precaution. You need to stay calm and everything will be alright."

"So, Doc, what have you got for me?" she hears John's strained voice coming from behind her friend.

Jennifer turns to him, clearly annoyed. "Colonel, she's been here ten minutes. How am I supposed to run a diagnostic in such a short time?"

He sniggers. "No need for tests, Doc. She's awake. I need her in the interrogation room. Period." He motions for two marines who come and untie her then set her not too gently on her feet.

Keller protests. "Now, Colonel. I've only had time to run a few quick tests. I need to know if she's OK before you take her there."

He shakes his head stubbornly and points at Louise. "Whatever that thing is, she's not your friend. Louise disappeared three years ago and the "woman" we have before us has not changed one bit. Don't you find that suspicious?" He lifts his eyebrows at Keller who huffs.

"There must be some explanation. Don't you want her to be Louise?" she asks him in a hushed tone.

He looks away stubbornly. "You and I both know there's a chance of a snowball in hell that's really her. I've been through that with Elizabeth. I won't let myself get fooled again."

Keller insists. "Elizabeth did come back, Colonel. And Beckett too. Why don't you want to believe it's possible?"

He narrows his eyes at her and lifts his forefinger menacingly. "Cuz that would be too good to be true." He motions for the marines to head to the door with Louise between them. "Whatever she knows, I'll get it from her – through torture if need be. Believe me, when I'm done with her, we'll get the whole story."

Louise shudders. John is the kindest of friends and the gentlest of lovers but on the field, he is true to his reputation as a badass. And he hasn't looked at her once since he entered the room, ignoring her during the whole conversation – as if she weren't part of his world anymore.

"I need to be there, Colonel. In case..." Keller tells him, looking clearly uncomfortable. He nods curtly and leaves, shoving Louise in front of him.

By the time they've reached the conference room where he's chosen to interrogate her, she's feeling dizzy and very cold. He's adamantly refused to talk to her and when asked for the hundredth time why he does not believe her, has yelled at her to "shut up, just shut up!"

She's cringed and done as told, trying to evaluate her situation but not being able to have one straight thought. She's too scared for that. All she thinks of is how it could have ended the last time she got accused of witchcraft. But this time, John won't save her and from the looks of it, he might as well burn her alive at the stake himself.

He orders her to sit. No one is sitting at the table but quite a few people she knows are entering the room though not approaching them. Keller has followed and now Rodney is standing next to her, his arm around her shoulders, both of them looking sad and resigned.

Ronon is there too and looking as murderous as John. She knows his skills. If John lets him interrogate her, she doesn't stand a chance. The doors are not closed yet and she sees Teyla approach the room cautiously. She's holding a toddler by his hand. He's conversing quietly with her. Louise's heart stutters. There's only one rational answer to who that little boy is, which means she's indeed missing three years of her life. She gulps and tries to contain the sobs that are gathering in her chest. Jen smiles at her encouragingly. "Try to calm down," she mouthes to her.

"Is that...?" Louise asks anyway.

Sheppard gives her an ice cold glare. "Yes, it's Torren. Now, shut up! You'll talk when asked."

She bites her bottom lip and folds her hands on her lap.

Sheppard turns to Rodney. "You scanned her. What do you say?"

Rodney looks at his tablet and shows it to his friend. "IDC code, energy signature, everything – that's her."

Louise looks hopeful. Sheppard turns to her and stares her down so she looks down at her hands. "What about you, Keller?" he barks, losing his patience.

"The results will be here any minute," she tells him then turns to Louise to elaborate. "I took some blood. It should help us determine if you've got the same DNA and it will also detect the Ancient gene." Louise nods and smiles briefly before looking down again. She needs to remain demure until they realize it's really her. John is too angry now and for the first time since his near conversion, she's scared of what he could do to her.

"I'm also hoping we'll find a trace of Michael's manipulation in her cells. It would allow us to determine if she's a clone or the real her," Jen adds but clams up when she sees Sheppard's murderous look. Obviously, he doesn't want to believe in it and has already decided she's a fraud.

"You know as well as I do it's not that simple," he retorts. "As long as we don't get a thorough explanation for where she's been all this time and how she got back here, she'll be a threat to this base."

Louise finally decides enough's enough. "She is right in front of you, John, and she has been trying to discuss it with you all along. Why don't you ask me, for a change?" she growls, looking straight into his eyes.

He sniggers. "At least, she has the same pesky personality!"

She counters on the same tone. "No shit, Sherlock!"

"Well, that's good to know," he retorts, a dangerous glare in his eyes. "Cuz that way, I'll know how to handle you..."

"And I know which buttons to push too, Colonel," she answers, tilting her chin up defensively.

Rodney snorts. "You have to admit, Sheppard..."

"I'm not asking you, Rodney," he barks at his friend who looks shocked at the rage he sees in his friend's eye.

Ronon lifts his eyebrows. "What are we waiting for? I can interrogate her if you want," he offers.

She shudders. "You don't need to. I'll tell you everything I know," she pleads.

"Actually, Ronon, I need those results first," Sheppard replies.

Louise puts her head in her hands, her elbows resting on the table. "Louise, you OK?" Jen asks and walks to her, only to be stopped by one of the marines who are standing behind her chair.

She feels even more dizzy than when she arrived but she wants to keep a brave front. It's no time to look weak. "I'm OK," she says, lifting her head slowly.

That's when she sees her walking into the room and knows for certain she can't be in her reality. "Is that..." she asks, squinting at the woman standing in front of her who's holding out a couple of files to John and Rodney.

John looks away, wincing. "Yeah. That's Nancy..."

Louise can't take her eyes off her. "What is she doing here? I mean, it means I'm not in my own reality. Nancy was on Earth, working for Homeworld Security..."

Nancy scoffs. "Yes, well, that was a long time ago..."

Louise trains her eyes on John. "What is going on here, John? What is your ex-wife doing here?" she demands. She sees Rodney huff. Teyla is now standing in the doorway, looking compassionate. Ronon winces.

John sighs and finally looks at Louise, his hand on the file he's set unopened in front of him. "Nancy is not my ex-wife. She's my wife. We remarried a year ago," he says quietly, shame in his eyes.

She gasps and feels herself slowly falling from the chair, as if in slow motion, as if her body was not her own anymore but she were looking at it from afar.

"Colonel, she's waking up." She hears Keller's relieved voice next to her and opens her eyes slowly.

"What happened?" she croaks, her throat parched.

"You were in a coma for almost two days, Louise. I'm sorry. I should have been more careful and run more tests before they took you back to be interrogated. Your blood sugar level was very low. I guess the shock did the rest," Keller elaborates, frowning. "How are you feeling?"

"Thirsty," she whispers, her eyes closing against the too bright lights of the infirmary. She feels a straw against her lips and opens her mouth slightly and drinks avidly. She chokes, having drunk too fast, and opens her eyes. John sets the cup back on the table before her and walks quietly to the door. She wants to call after him but then she remembers why she fainted in the first place and tears well up to her eyes.

Jen pats her shoulder. "It's OK, honey, you've been under a lot of stress. You need to relax."

Louise turns her head to the other side. " I'm sorry. It's just... He hasn't even said a word to me."

"Hey. There's a couple of things you need to know. One, the tests have confirmed it's really you. We don't know what happened but Rodney and Radek are on it and it's everyone's top priority. And two," she adds, seeing she has Louise's attention, "Colonel Sheppard has spent the last two days glued to that stool over there," she says, pointing at the seat just behind the window of the room, "waiting for you to wake up."

Louise smiles sadly. "What for? To put me in the brig the moment you discharge me?" she scoffs.

Jen shakes her head sadly too. "Louise. Everyone thought you were dead. We never found anything that could lead us to you but it doesn't mean we did not keep looking."

Louise scoffs. "I understand you did, guys, but obviously he didn't."

Jen protests. "Louise, there's not a day I don't see him on your balcony..."

Louise turns to her with a look of pain so intense, Jen knows there's no way Louise is gonna be fine, no matter what. "He remarried! I should never have let him into my life in the first place. I was really just a fling after all..." She turns her head to the other side. "Jen, would you mind leaving me alone, please?"

Keller walks to the door and switches off the lights. "Sure. You need to rest. I'll come back later."

Louise curls into a ball on her side and wraps her arms around her knees, rocking from side to side and sobs quietly until she finally falls asleep. Not once has Sheppard left his station behind the window, watching her until he's sure she's sound asleep before he heads back to his office.

She wakes up drowsily and sees Rodney watching her from the side of her bed. He's sitting on a stool and smiling at her. He squeezes her hand. "Hey, how are you doing this morning?" he asks her gently.

"OK. Headache. Tired. Muscles hurt," she musters the courage to say. He walks to the door and calls Jen.

"I'm gonna give you something for your headache but I won't give you something stronger. You're just out of a coma," Keller tells her.

Louise chuckles humorlessly. "How could I forget!" She turns on her side and closes her eyes. "Wish you could knock me out. I could use something stronger than tylenol to dull the pain."

Jen pouts. "Louise, be reasonable. I need you on your feet soon. Whining will achieve nothing. Hey," she adds, smiling brightly, "when you're up to it, I have a surprise for you!"

"Like "the man of your life has remarried" kind of surprise?" Louise sniggers.

Jen rolls her eyes at her. "Good to know you haven't lost your sarcasm. No, like guess who's dying to lick your face and jump on your bed?"

Louise turns to her and her eyes light up. "You mean Shep's still around?"

Rodney chuckles. "Of course, silly. He's the pride and joy of our ship! Whenever you're ready just tell Jen and I'll get him, OK?"

"What about now?" she asks, sitting in her bed.

He gives her a broad smile. "Now, that's my girl! I'll go find him. Will be right back."

He comes back with the dog and John in tow, who walks to his seat behind the glass panel and folds his arms on his chest, observing her reconnect with the Australian shepherd he'd offered her on the first day they'd been together. It's been three years but the two reconnect right away. Jen pouts when she sees the dog jump on the hospital bed but relents when Rodney eyes her pleadingly. Shep settles next to his mistress and after a while, they both fall asleep. Rodney hears the dog sigh with content and chuckles. He turns to John but sobers up when he sees the forlorn look of his friend.

He walks out of the room quietly and comes to stand next to him. "You still believe it's not her?" he asks him.

John shrugs and bites his bottom lip. "I don't know, McKay. I need to understand what happened to wrap my head around this whole freakish nightmare. Are you making any progress?"

Rodney shrugs. "Kind of. There's a possibility she was kept in the buffer drive of the gate and then released but why, I have no idea. And it doesn't explain why she didn't make it when the others did.

Nor does it explain that fog she describes the others didn't see or the disappearance of everyone in the village. And why was it her who had to disappear?"

John growls in frustration. "Argh! Too many questions, McKay! I need answers and I need them fast. The IOA and Stargate Command are going to pester us for those and we'd better come up with something." He drops his voice to a whisper. "I've already received orders to hand her down to the IOA for questioning if we don't solve the case in the week to come and you know what that means..."

Rodney frowns and nods. "No trial, no compassion. They'll lock her away somewhere secret and use her as a lab rat."

"Good to know you get my drift. Devote every resource we have to your research if need be but solve the puzzle, Rodney," he groans.

Rodney nods and leaves then turns back and on second thoughts, asks his friend. "You've spent the last three days here, Sheppard. Don't you think it's time to go and see her in there?"

John sighs. "To what end, Rodney? She's been gone three years and I've tried to forget about her. For her, it's only been a couple of days. She feels betrayed. There's nothing I can say that will make up for that."

"You could start by telling her you still love her," Rodney huffs before leaving.

TBC

 _So? What do you think?_


	2. Chapter 2

_Life, with a little spice – Chapter 2_

 _Thanks so much for reading, favoriting, following and most of all, reviewing my story. I was touched to realize some of you were actually waiting for this story to go on. I'll try to do my best to please you. Note that the first chapters won't feature recipes but you can find lots of new ones on my blog and on my Laurieandfluffy instagram account. Any requests? Don't hesitate to PM me. I'm like Louise – I love challenges._

Jen wakes her up after a few hours. Sheppard has told her there are quite a few questions left unanswered. She's allowed to shower and change into clean clothes but nothing she had with her has been given back to her and she feels naked without the few pieces of jewellery she normally wears. She's escorted once more by two stern-looking marines that she does know but refuse to make eye contact anyway. Not a week ago, they would drop by at the mess hall and trade jokes with her and today, they're acting like she's the enemy.

She tries to keep her breathing under control as she enters the room. John is there, waiting for her with Major Teldy. He offers her a seat, drawing it for her, and sits on the other side of the table. It still looks too much like an interrogation and she's immediately reminded of her run in with the inquisition and the IOA too. She sits straight in her chair, her back not touching it, and folds her hands together on the table.

Teldy nods at her. "Ma'am," she greets her sternly. Louise gives her a tired smile.

"I'm sorry I had to wake you up," John tells her, acting more demure than he has ever since she's returned. She sees he's trying hard to look cool and detached. "We need you to answer a few questions." Louise nods and waits. "We have established that you appear, at least for the time being, to have the same characteristics Louise Léger had in her medical file." She cringes at the "buts" she hears in his speech. He still doesn't believe it's her in front of him. "McKay and Zelenka are working on the mystery of your disappearance from a technical point of view," he adds, making air quotes. "What I need to know is why you would have strayed in the first place and been separated from the group. I want you to retrace your steps with Major Teldy here. Having your point of view on what happened might help greatly."

She nods. "What if we can't determine why or how it happened?" she wants to know.

"Pray we do. I advise you strongly to fully cooperate or you might not see the light of day again," he tells her then looks away.

She gasps. "What do you mean?"

"If we can't establish you're indeed Louise, without the trace of a doubt, the IOA is asking us to hand you to them. I don't think they'll take too kindly to having a potential live grenade on their hands," he scoffs. He sees her gulp. "Now, relax. This is why you are here – to try and establish what happened."

"Do you even want to believe it could be me, John?" she whispers, her eyes brimming with tears. "Or is your mind already made?"

Teldy looks embarrassed. This is no place for such conversations. Luckily, they have not turned the recorder on yet. "Sir, would you like me to give you two a moment?" she offers.

He shakes his head. "No, Major. Why would I?" he answers cockily, making Louise flinch.

He's not once come to see her, even when she was with Shep. She feels abandoned and betrayed and so scared she feels like she's being tortured again by the witch hunters, except this time, the scars won't heal.

He turns on the recorder and briefly recounts what happened in the last three days then looks at a list of questions he's established in a preliminary meeting with Rodney and Teldy.

The minutes turn into hours and she has to go over all the minute details, reliving every single moment of her stay on the planet, from the time she left Atlantis to the time she returned.

"I don't get it. You're saying you got lost but Teldy says you never did. She said you stepped through the gate wih them but never made it on the other side. And neither she, nor the rest of the team, saw any fog," he points out.

She hangs her head in dispair. They've not made any progress and if the interview tells the IOA anything, it's that she's a liar. "I don't know, John. What do you want me to say? I saw what I saw. I can't make things up to please you."

He huffs in exasperation. "I'm not asking you to lie," he says through clenched teeth. "Just to tell the truth!"

"But I am!" she counters and rubs her temples. "Look, we're not making any progress. Can we stop? Please?" she begs him.

He nods. "We'll have a recess until this afternoon. You can grab some food and have a nap if you want." He lifts his hand, seeing her stand. "I have to inform you we've decided to monitor you but let you roam freely through most of the areas of the City." Her eyes light up.

"It's not a compassionate gesture. Dr Keller has mentioned letting you mingle with people might help you remember – that is, if you're really who you say you are," he adds, crushing her hopes. "Know that, should you ever do something suspicious, you'll be put in the brig until further notice. Understood?"

She nods. "Yes, John. I do understand. May I go now?"

He motions for her to feel free to leave.

She reaches the infirmary as Keller is talking on her headset. "Yes, Sir, I do understand you don't have much hope but I need you to humor me and let her think she has a chance – if you tell her she's a goner, she might snap and never remember what happened to her. This is probably our last chance of helping her."

Louise retraces her steps and leaves the infirmary quietly. Tylenol for her headache is clearly not what she needs. What she needs is something much stronger and she knows exactly where to get it.

She waits until Rodney finally decides to take a break, hiding in the room next to his lab, then when he leaves for the mess hall with the promise he'll return with a tray for Radek, she counts to ten and knocks on the door tentatively. Radek turns and freezes. He gulps and pushes his glasses up his nose. "Ms Léger. Hi," he greets her, looking embarrassed.

He's never been one for social interaction but this is downright creepy for him. Louise has always been good to him – never forgetting to bring him food whenever there was a crisis and he would be stuck in his lab with too much work on his hands to even move from his workstation. But knowing the woman who's standing in front of him might indeed be her scares him more than if she were not. He feels the pressure of having to work against time itself, trying to unravel the mystery before she's sent away.

"If you're looking for Rodney," he informs her – hoping it's indeed the case – "he's just left for the mess hall."

"I know," she answers truthfully. "It's you I need to see." She shuffles her feet uncomfortably and seeing her as awkward as he is helps him relax a little.

"I'm sorry, Ms Léger. I'm being rude, not offering you a seat," he apologizes profusely, motioning for her to join him. She shakes her head. "That's quite alright, Mr Zelenka. No need to apologize. I should be the one. I'm disturbing you as you're trying to help me." He lifts his eyebrows. "Colonel Sheppard told me," she elaborates.

"Ah, I see," he answers, grinning. "I'm glad Colonel Sheppard is finally coming round."

She shakes her head sadly. "He's not. We're barely on speaking terms. I've just been interviewed, that's all." Radek looks away, clearly at odds. "Look, Mr Zelenka, I didn't want to bother you but there is something I need and only you will be able to procure it for me," she explains and sighs. "Whatever you need, Ms Léger. If it's not illegal, of course," he amends hurriedly.

She nods. "It's not. Look. Dr Keller refuses to give me something stronger than Tylenol and I'm under a lot of stress. I need to relax if I want to get through this ordeal in one piece."

He nods. "I do understand but I run a lab, not an infirmary."

"But you also happen to make the only moonshine on board, as I recall," she answers, tilting her head at him.

It dawns on him. "Oh, I see. You need a couple of drinks to unwind. Is that it?"

She laughs humorlessly. "Yes, something like that. Would you grant me that respite, Mr Zelenka?"

He thinks about it and pushes his glasses up his nose once more. "Is Dr Keller OK with that?"

She gives him a non-committal smile. "Let's say she would not approve, being a doctor and all, but whatever helps cannot be considered as a bad thing, right?"

"Look, Ms Léger, I do want to help you but I've never seen you drink before and the stuff I make, it's quite strong. Do you think you can handle it?"

She laughs humorlessly. "Oh, don't you worry, Mr Zelenka, I can handle it alright. I don't drink by choice, not by lack of use. I'll be alright."

He winces, feeling caught between the hammer and the anvil. Louise has always been nice to him and he really wants to help. But then there's Dr Keller. "Dr Keller is quite the dragon when it comes to her patients' health," he says hesitantly.

"Don't worry. I promise no one will see me and report me or you." She looks hopeful so he relents and reaches into one of the cabinets and discreetly hands her a bottle in a paper bag, making sure their backs are to the cameras.

"Don't drink too much of it. It's strong stuff. Downing that bottle would surely kill you," he informs her.

She nods and takes it then kisses his cheek. "Thank you, Radek. You have no idea how much this is going to help."

She leaves the room and tucking the small flat bottle under her jacket, heads for the west pier where, years ago, John and herself had had their first fall out, precisely because of her refusal to admit her addiction to him. This is where it should have ended. But instead, she'd let him into her life and now she's only left with regrets – regrets of not having listened to that little voice in her head telling her to shut them all out for good and protect herself.

It's high time to set things straight. She sits with her feet dangling over the tropical waters of the planet where the City is currently anchored. She hasn't even asked where they are. Actually, she doesn't care. She thinks for a moment about Shep but then she knows they won't let her keep him. And he has John, she tells herself. She unscrews the bottle and hesitates for a whole minute, her hand poised midway to her lips then she breathes out and lifts it to her lips.

The first taste makes her cough and gag. She hasn't had a drink in years and Radek was right, this is much stronger than what she was used to drinking. Tears well up in the eyes from the fire of the liquor but then she feels the warm feeling invade her stomach, filling her with content as she knows she's minutes away from feeling warm and cosy and as if she didn't not have a care in the world. She starts sipping at it and closes her eyes in content.

 _Radek said it'd kill me to drink the whole bottle_ , she reflects. Is that what she wants? To leave before her time? But then, what is left for her here? Porbably nothing apart sorrow and most likely an existence behind the bars of a cell somewhere in Area 51, and that's if she's lucky.

She lifts the bottle to her lips and takes one long sip at the fiery liquid.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" The bottle is knocked from her hand into the water and John drags her up roughly then makes her turn around. "God, Louise, what have you done?" he bellows, shaking her.

She looks away, tears of shame in her eyes. "Why did you have to come and find me?" she whispers reproachfully. "Couldn't you give me time to end this once and for all? Don't you see? It would be so much better for all of us," she whimpers.

"How can you say that?" he growls. "How can the death of the woman I love make anything better?" He glares at her, one of his hands still gripping her arm, and taps his communicator. "Dr Keller, this is Colonel Sheppard. Get ready to treat Ms Léger. Intoxication," he only adds. "I'm on my way. Sheppard out."

He shoves her in front of him. "You're gonna walk. I need the liquor out of your system. A little exercise won't hurt." She protests but he shoves her again. "Get going, Léger. I'll give you a talking to later."

He ends up wrapping his arm around her waist to support her as they enter the corridor leading to the infirmary. The liquor's taking its toll on her, making her dizzy and weak. On top of that, she has a splitting headache. She wants nothing more than to curl up in a ball in the dark. "We're almost there," he whispers in her hair and draws her closer. His body radiates heat and it feels so good there, tucked up against him, she rests her head on his shoulder. He sighs. "Louise, please. Don't push it."

"So I'm Louise now?" she counters drowsily.

"What am I supposed to call you?" he huffs.

"You were very careful not to call me anything these last few days," she points out.

He huffs. "You're a pain, you know."

"And you're a hypocrite," she counters.

Keller walks to them briskly. "I'll take it from here, Colonel," she says and wraps her arm around Louise's shoulders, pulling her away from him. "I'll get back to you when I've run a full physical." She turns to Louise. "Come with me."

Louise looks at John. He pouts. "Go with her. She'll take care of you. I need to get back to work." He tucks his hands in his pants pockets and leaves, his shoulders hunched. Louise frowns but she can barely headache is making her feel like crawling under the covers and staying there forever – the shame too. But Keller has other plans for her, it seems.

"Listen. I'm not going to read you the riot act but you need to know what you did was incredibly stupid. We're gonna wean you out of this asap but the days to come won't be easy, that's for sure," she adds, frowning, and makes her lay down on the bed.

"Is he ever going to forgive me for that?" Louise wonders, looking towards the door.

"I don't know, Louise. I guess you'll have to work extra hard for that to happen now." Keller smiles at her and pats her arm. "But first things first."

Louise turns to her drowsily, her eyes closing. "He said he loved me, Jen. I mean, I think he did."

TBC

 _OK, Louise's less than perfect... Will you still love her that way?_


	3. Chapter 3

_Life, with a little spice 3_

 _You think Louise and John have hit rock bottom? Think again..._

She wakes up a little later. Her head is pounding and her heart is beating too fast. She feels dizzy and extremely tired. She turns on her side and sees her. She's watching her or rather glaring at her from the doorway. Louise looks around but there's no one else.

"You had to make him feel guilty, didn't you? Make him feel like he has a responsibility towards you!" she says through clenched teeth, approaching her bed. "It took me years to regain his trust and affection and all you have to do is come back and then, all he talks about is you – how he needs to take care of you, how he needs to uncover the truth, give you a chance. How do you do that, Ms Léger? How do you so easily reach out and capture his heart? I spent my entire first marriage to him trying to figure out a way of getting his undivided attention, always being the perfect wife, not asking for anything, and you just need to make a mess of yourself and he runs back to you." She's now standing next to her bed, her fists clenched at her sides.

Louise feels the hair on her nape stand straight. She sits in her bed and feels the world around her spin, having moved a little too fast. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just wanted to put an end to all this."

Nancy frowns. "And make him feel guilty for the rest of his life? Don't you think you've damaged him enough as it is?"

Louise gasps. "Don't be cruel. Do you think I've wanted any of this? You got the guy and I've got nothing."

"What's going on here?" They both turn towards the door. John is standing in the doorway, looking pissed. "What are you doing here, Nancy? Jen said not to disturb her."

"I came to see how she was doing," Nancy says casually. "It's my job after all to keep an eye on everything that's going on here. The IOA wants a full report and a full report they'll get, including her little stunt. Besides, she showed how sneaky she could be and I think it's high time we took measures." There's a sharper edge to her voice.

John pouts. "Nancy, I understand that as a liaison representative for the IOA you're worried about the security on base. I agree we were not cautious enough and for your own safety, as well as that of the other people here," he adds for Louise's benefit, "you'll be on house arrest. No walks around unaccompanied, and especially not to Zelenka's lab," he says, lifting his eyebrows to make his point. He turns to his wife. "Nancy, I'm counting on you to send a report to the IOA asap and tell them everything is under control." Nancy pouts but heads for the door.

"As for you, young lady," he tells Louise after Nancy has left, "you're going to follow me. Keller has agreed to discharge you for the time being. I think it's high time you get your butt back in the kitchen. If there's one thing I know, it's that you need to keep your mind and hands busy."

He walks to her as she gets on her feet cautiously and steadies her. "Jen is going to come and give you something for your headache," he tells her gently. He puts his hand in his pocket to retrieve a small pouch he hands to her. "Your necklace and bracelet and rings. The rest of your belongings has been sent to your quarters," he says with a smile. He helps her clasp her necklace, his hands brushing her shoulders, making her shiver. He removes his hands hastily. "Sorry," he says with a frown.

She thanks him, feeling as awkward as the first times they had touched. "John, I was wondering if we could drop by at the supply area and see if I can get a few things. There's not much in my backpack, clothes-wise," she asks, embarrassed, knowing her presence on base is already an inconvenience.

He frowns. "You don't get it, Louise. I said all your belongings have been taken back to our former quarters. I never got rid of anything. They were only stored in a crate. You'll have everything you need," he elaborates.

Her eyes brim with tears. "Everything?"

He nods quietly. "Well, except for a few trinkets I kept in my desk..." he adds, feeling awkward. "We can drop by and get them for you, if you want."

She nods, her mood suddenly brightening, and squeezes his arm. "Thank you," she sighs.

He's had her cookbooks, apron and utensils delivered to the kitchen. She's stepped there tentatively, not knowing what to expect. Three years have passed and she's been replaced. The place is not her realm anymore but the civilian subcontractor who's gotten her position gushes as she enters the room. "Ms Léger, I'm so glad I finally meet you, against all odds," he says, shaking hands. She looks bemused and hears John laugh for the first time she came back.

"You're legend here, Louise," he whispers to her. "This guy has endeavored to make every single recipe you used to serve."

"The kitchen is all yours, Ms Léger," the cook tells her. "I'll leave you to it, though if you need anything, don't hesitate to howler. I'll be down in the storage area." He nods at John and motions for the few preps around to follow him. "We've got an inventory to make, people," he tells them, grabbing his tablet.

"What do you want me to do?" she asks John once everyone has left, looking lost.

"Whatever keeps the booze and your suicidal tendency out of your mind," he replies, making her blush with embarrassment. She dons on her apron and bites her lower lip. Touché!

She flips through her grandmother's cookbook for a few minutes. When she looks up towards him, he is still standing, his hands tucked in his pockets, watching her. His eyes have lost their sharp, cold edge. "You don't have to stand here, John," she tells him. "I know for a fact you've got a couple of marines assigned to me that are waiting right outside the door. And I also know you must be swamped with work. I promise to be good."

He sighs. "As a matter of fact, I was hoping to spend some time with you, Louise, but if that's an inconvenience, I'll go."

She shakes her head, feeling butterflies in her stomach. "Stay then," she offers with a shy smile. She feels like they're back to square one, tiptoeing around each other. She looks away, ashamed of feeling so needy and hopeful. John is not hers anymore. He belongs with Nancy.

She glances back at him and sees him smile tentatively. "OK then. That's settled." He comes to stand next to her and looks over her shoulder at the page she's chosen. "That's something I don't remember you ever doing," he remarks.

"True. It's the most difficult recipe in the whole bunch. I've tried to do it several times and was never satisfied enough to serve it. It'll indeed keep me busy." She glances at him and sees him give her his trademark grin. It warms her heart like nothing else. "We're gonna be here a while, ya know," she adds. "You sure you wanna stay?"

"Are you kicking me out, Léger?" he asks her, lifting his eyebrows. She's done that quite a few times in the past but that was when he would wrap his arms around her from behind and expected her to concentrate with his body flush to hers.

She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "I'm all too happy you're here and talking to me, John. I wish..." she sighs and he sees she's probably on the same train of thoughts, her cheeks coloring slightly. She shakes her head and walks to the walk-in coolers resolutely. "Just don't get in my way, OK?" she banters, trying to give herself some countenance.

He settles comfortably in his chair. "Can we talk while you cook?" he asks.

She nods, already making her first preparation in one of the food processors. "Louise, I know things are hard right now," he says gently. "It's hard for me too."

She scoffs. "Yeah, sure."

He sighs. "Sweetie, look, I'm not going to try and make excuses. I know now I made hasty decisions."

She turns to him, glaring. "No need to apologize, John, but yeah, you're damn right. You shouldn't try and come up with reasons or excuses for remarrying her. It just means one thing..."

"And what is that?" he demands. He sees her bottom lip tremble.

"You and I – we were never meant to be in the first place, John. I told you so and I tried to make you see it but you were so intent on getting the girl," she sniggers. "I mean, it was probably a matter of time before you reverted to your old Captain Kirk self."

He slaps his hand on the table and gets to his feet, glaring. "When I said talk, Louise, I didn't mean snap at each other. And what put that in that thick head of yours? We were good together, good for each other. I even asked if I could propose and you said no."

She shrugs. "Because I knew it wouldn't last, John. I knew it all along."

He walks to her. "Don't you dare say that and be cruel again – like you're so apt at being with me! Don't you dare think for an instant I was not crushed by your disappearance! I didn't sleep for days, for Christ's sake. I let Lorne mind the fort and make all the decisions because I couldn't think straight for months. I didn't even fight the IOA when they sent Nancy here as a liaison rep. Actually, I didn't even know who they were sending and I didn't give a damn shit! It took me months to learn how to function day after day without you." She cowers under his look of pain and anger. He lifts his hand tentatively and touches her cheek with just his fingertips, not daring to do more. "Louise, it's not I don't want this to be real. It's just I'm afraid I'll wake up one day and realize this is just one cruel illusion."

She shrugs, trying to look detached, her heart beating so fast in her chest she feels her head spinning. "I know who I am, John. I'm the same screwed up person who came to that ship years ago, determined to never live and laugh and love again. Do you think it's easy for me? I finally had a life and it was taken away from me in a flash. I come home to you and you treat me as a threat. But most of all, I have to live with the idea it's her you're holding in your arms at night and making love to."

She turns to her preparation and growls. "Damn! I forgot about it. I'm gonna have to do it all over again."

He drops his hands to his sides and sighs. "I'll leave you to it. It was clearly not a good idea."

She scoffs. "Yeah, John, do that, will ya? You've already spent way too much time with me. I wouldn't want Nancy to reproach me with getting her husband's undivided attention."

He spins her around, his hands on her shoulders. "Stop it! Just stop making it so damn harder than it has to be!" He stops yelling at her when he sees the tears stream down her face. He's never been comfortable with seeing her cry, especially now he can't take her in his arms and make the pain go away.

She hangs her head. "Sorry. I didn't mean to anger you. John, listen. I'll do everything I can to fix this. I know it's not your fault." She smiles sadly. "I promise to be a good girl." She turns to her workstation and sets to work once again. He lifts his hands and lays them on her shoulders. "Don't," she whispers, shuddering. "Just don't. I miss you so very much. One more thing I need to wean myself out of, I guess," she says self-deprecatingly.

He sighs and leaves the room quietly, making sure one of the marines goes to stand in the kitchen with her so she won't be alone.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

_Life, with a little spice 4_

She gives herself two more hours to work on the recipe but fails poorly, her mind not able to focus on the task at hand. Shep is waiting for her at the door when she exits the kitchen. He bounds towards her and circles her excitedly. It's usually the time of day when they'd have a walk around the City. It seems her dog has never forgotten about it. She pats his head and turns to the marine. "Is it OK if I take him for a walk?" He nods and follows at a respectable distance.

As she leaves the mess hall, she sees John standing on the balcony, his arms leaning against the railing, his gaze lost in the distance, and she remembers what Jen's said. She hesitates but doesn't dare join him. There's not much they could talk about without yelling at each other again.

She's ordered back in the infirmary as she completes her walk. John is already there, waiting for her, with Nancy at his side. She looks away, tears of hurt in her eyes. "Have you made any progress?" Jen asks her. "Anything that could help you remember?"

She simply shakes her head, not finding the courage to utter a single word.

"Ms Léger, you need to. The IOA insists we send you to them. They have more means than we have here on board. I'm not going to be able to hold them off much longer," Nancy huffs, clearly exasperated.

She turns to her and snaps. "I already told you. I do not remember. I can't prove it's me. Why don't you just send me away already? You'd kill two birds with one stone!" she sniggers.

Nancy cocks her head at her and frowns. "If you insist..."

John growls. "No, you won't. I'm still the captain of this ship. She's not going anywhere." He grabs Nancy's arm and leads her outside. "I need to know for certain this is not her, Nancy. She deserves to be treated fairly and that won't be the case if she gets back to Earth."

Nancy glares at him. "And it would be oh so wonderful if that were Louise, right?" she dares him.

He narrows his eyes at her. "Make no mistake, Nancy. If it is indeed her, I will not allow for her to be sent away. And yes, it would be wonderful," he answers truthfully though he sees the look of hurt and humiliation she gives him.

"Well, don't keep your hopes high," she tells him with a smirk. "They're sending someone. I guess they've understood I had no say in the matter anymore!"

He closes his eyes and sighs. "Alright then. I'm gonna have to tell McKay to work even faster." He taps his headset and calls his friend, telling him he's making his way to his lab.

Nancy sees Louise has heard at least a part of the conversation as she's now standing at the end of the corridor with Jen. Jen has crossed her arms on her chest and is watching Nancy cautiously. To her, she's never been anything but a stranger in their close-knit gang. She does understand the situation must be difficult for her and at the same time, she knows she'll always choose Louise. Nancy walks up to them. "I guess you heard our conversation," she pouts.

Louise nods. "How long before they arrive?" she asks about the envoy.

"Couple of days, tops," Nancy answers coldly.

Louise shakes her head. "I don't understand. I thought we were far away from Earth by now. How can they reach us so fast?"

"Things have changed a lot since you disappeared – or shall I say – because you disappeared!" Nancy sneers, making Louise look up in alarm. "Yes, Ms Léger. Things went from bad to worse from then on. John refused to move while they were looking for you. Months went by and reinforcements were sent in. Stargate Command feared your disappearance might just be a part of a grander scheme – sort of like the tip of the iceberg. There'd been rumors that the Trust was resurfacing. The IOA demanded that a rep be sent on board as well," she adds, pointing at herself, wincing. "We never found anything to substantiate this theory."

"However," Lorne says, entering the infirmary's corridor, "ever since a few more people came here, the wormhole device has not been used and we've only used subspace travel to jump from one place to another." He gives Louise a knowing look.

"Why?" she cries out. "We were supposed to rescue the Destiny's crew. Do you mean those people have been stranded for this long with no help from us?"

"Risking the life of all the Lanteans to maybe save those of that crew was hardly reasonable, Ms Léger," Nancy replies coldly. "When we got intel the Trust might have sent someone to sabotage the drive, Dr McKay looked into it but the device is incredibly complex. It was decided it was clearly not worth it."

Lorne protests. "It's hardly Louise who's responsible for the whole thing, Ma'am. Colonel Sheppard's decision to look for her was sound and it's hardly his fault either that more people were brought in, making it almost impossible to monitor the comings and goings of everyone. Hell, we had more big brass and politicians here in those weeks than ever came on board the five years prior to Louise's disappearance!"

He's clearly pissed, which for Louise is a first. She lays her hand on his forearm. "Thank you for defending me, Major, but you don't need to. I understand the issue at hand. But I still don't understand why Rodney couldn't fix this. The guy is able to fix anything, for Pete's sake!"

Lorne pouts. "He was never allowed to try..." He glances briefly towards his commander's wife.

Louise gets his drift. "Were you the one to forbid it?" she demands.

Nancy rolls her eyes. "I sent a report to the IOA saying it was unwise to risk it all, yes. Dr McKay did say he couldn't be a hundred percent sure there had been no tampering with the device after all."

It's Louise's turn to roll her eyes. "And when has that ever stopped us before?" she growls indignantly.

Lorne smirks. "At least someone who's not afraid to say it out loud. God, I missed you, Louise," he adds, wrapping her in a loose hug before releasing her.

Nancy looks shocked. "Major! I think you should be very careful about what you say around here. I do not appreciate being told I was wrong to protect the lives of this City's inhabitants nor do I accept my decisions to be discussed."

Louise frowns. This is definitely not going in the right direction. John doesn't need his wing man to be under the scrutiny of the IOA as well. "It's not what he said, Nancy. He was just defending me."

"And he shouldn't," the other woman retorts. "At least, not as long as it's not been established you're the real you and not a convenient decoy planted by whoever is trying to do us wrong. If you'll excuse me," she adds, "I need to prepare for the envoy's arrival."

Louise sits on one of the chairs in the corridor, feeling drained. She needs to process everything she's been told. Lorne and Jen sit on either side. "Louise, we're a few here to still believe something is terribly wrong in what happened back there. McKay never accepted the fact your disappearance was just a random accident. And to be honest, I haven't either," Evan tells her.

"Why? I mean, these things happen, right? Hell, it happened to me before!" she adds sarcastically. "I'm a magnet for trouble. I don't see why the Trust would have me disappear. I'm no one on this expedition."

Lorne rolls his eyes. "The chain of events it triggered... It proves you wrong. John's decision to devote his time to finding you, letting me and then Nancy mind the fort? It wouldn't have happened for someone else. He couldn't think straight. I'm convinced there's more than meets the eye here. Now we have you here, I'm sure McKay will make progress. And us too. Colonel Sheppard has sent teams to meet with the Coalition. He's also sent a message to Todd. When we released him before the expedition left again, I had serious doubts about the guy's loyalty, but we haven't had trouble with him at all. He owes us big time and he knows it. I'm sure he'll help – if only to make sure the Trust doesn't lay its hands on him."

Louise stands and starts pacing in the corridor. "If all you say is true – and that's a big if – and if we want to prove it, we're gonna have to work fast. I mean you because, obviously, I don't have a say in the matter anymore. And I really don't see how you guys can even do it. My version of what happened bears no relation to Teldy's. Where do we go from here?"

Lorne combs his hands through his hair, looking exhausted. He sighs. "I don't know, Louise. All I know is I want to believe you're not some very sick joke. Actually, I don't care if you're a clone like Beckett, as long as you stay here with us. Colonel Sheppard has never been the same since you left. We need you here." He scoffs. "You're his good luck charm, for Christ's sake."

She smiles, remembering the last time he'd told her that – not a month ago in her own time line. She'd worried about the Destiny – how they were ever gonna find them – and he'd said she would bring luck to them. _"You might think the universe is up against you, sweetie," he'd said, wrapping his arms around her waist as they lay in bed, waiting for the alarm clock to signal their time was up and they had to get up for the day ahead. "But you bring luck to this expedition. And to me," he'd added, tickling her neck with wet kisses that had turned heated in a matter of seconds._

She's finally allowed to return to her quarters later during the evening, after having an early dinner in the infirmary with Jen as they wait for yet another set of results. She's been scanned and examined some more, in the hope of finding a clue to how she doesn't seem to have aged when they have. Whatever happened to her has left no trace apparently and they're nowhere nearer the truth than when she arrived.

"I don't see how I could have spent this whole time somewhere and not remember anything," she tells her friend. "Could it be possibly I was put in stasis?"

Jen shrugs despondently. "It's one of the possibilities. We'll never know for sure until we find the person or thing who did that to you, I'm afraid. Look, you'd better get some rest. It's been a long day. I'm sure you'd like to finally have a real bed to sleep in. We'll see what we can do about all this when you've had a good night's sleep."

Louise pouts. "I'm not sure I can rest, Jen."

The other woman walks to one of the cabinets and hands her a couple of pills. "There's just enough for you to feel rested," she points out, making her know she won't give her more, in case she decides to do something foolish again.

Louise flushes. "I promised John I won't ever try again. Thank you anyway. I'll take them if need be."

She winces when she sees John has indeed put guards at her door. She nods at them and gets inside. She spends the better part of the evening sorting through her things. It seems John has not thrown away one single thing she owned. Soon, everything is back on her shelves and in her drawers. She looks around and sighs with content. It's a comforting sight though one she might not have for long, should it be decided she needs to return to Earth.

She looks around. She'd like Shep to be here with her but it's only fair he spends the night with John. Lorne has told her he hardly ever leaves his master's side when John is on base, shadowing him as if he were afraid he too might one day disappear. Nancy is not a dog person and only tolerates him in their quarters.

The door chimes. She sighs. She could use a little peace and quiet for a change. She opens the door and sees John standing there, looking unsure. The marines are nowhere in sight so she frowns. "I sent them away," he tells her. "Is that OK if I come in?"

She smiles. "You never had to ask before," she points out then looks away, realizing her blunder. For him it's been three years. "Please do," she amends. He walks into the room, the door whooshing closed behind him.

He smiles. "I see you have made quick work. Actually, I was coming to give you a hand. I see you won't need my help after all."

She smiles too. "But I do appreciate the gesture." She falls silent and shuffles her feet. "Why did you give me our former quarters, John?"

He shrugs. "I thought it might be reassuring to be in a place you already know."

"Without you here with me?" she says more forcefully than intended, shaking her head. "No. It's not."

He bites his bottom lip. "I'm here now," he mutters.

She sighs. "Yeah. I appreciate you coming to check on me. Thank you. Where's Shep?" she asks. "I thought he'd be with you."

"I left him with Amelia and Ronon. I'll ask them to bring him over if you want." He winces. "I thought we could, you know, talk... I mean, just you and me, without Shep barging in."

"We tried to talk, John. We ended up yelling at each other," she points out.

"I came with a peace offering," he counters, handing her a chocolate bar.

She smiles sadly and shakes her head. "I'm in no mood to celebrate, John. I'm scared and sad and lonely," she confesses, eyes brimming with tears. "And you being here in that room, it's not helping. It might have been three years for you but I do vividly remember the last time we made love in that bed," she whispers, pointing at it.

He pouts and walks to her. "God, Louise. Can you seriously believe I don't remember it either? I've relived that last time so many times, hoping you'd finally be in my arms again some day," he says, his voice hoarse with pain and draws her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her, breathing her in.

"But you moved on all the same," she counters, her hands on his chest, refusing to let go of that thought to enjoy the moment.

He drops his arms to his sides and looks down on her, his jaw twitching. "And I will never forgive myself for it, Louise. I'm only a man, sweetie. I'm not perfect. I snapped and needed the touch of a woman – someone to warm my bed at night and tell me everything was going to be alright. She was there and she was gentle and kind. Not the woman you saw today." He shakes his head. "I think she snapped too when she saw you. Deep down, I think she's always known it was always you, Louise. That there would only be you. I wasn't fair to her either." He sighs and lays his hands gently on both sides of her head. ""You're still the only one who can fill my heart with joy, Louise."

She pushes him away. "Not fair, John! You come here and expect me to forget you're shagging her!" she yells at him, tears of frustration streaming down her cheeks. "You might only be a man, John, but I'm only a woman. What about the second part of your vows, uh? Do I still fill your body with desire? No! Because you've replaced me!"

He closes his eyes and breathes out then he looks at her again. "I still feel the same as three years ago, Louise. If you think I've come here to take advantage of you and then lead my life as if nothing had happened, then you don't really know me," he says through clenched teeth. "If you forgive me for my weakness, Louise, I will not return to Nancy. I'll tell her in the morning we have to go our separate ways."

She looks at him, befuddled. "You don't even know if it's me here, John," she reminds him.

He steps toe to toe with her. "I'm taking a leap of faith as you have when you let me into your life, sweetie."

Her breathing becomes uneven. He leans in and kisses her gently, his hands moving slowly up her arms then he wraps her in his and walks her backwards towards the bed. She wraps her hands around his waist and draws him flush to her, making him groan. "Louise, slow down," he mumbles against her lips. Her tongue sneaks into his mouth and explores it avidly. He moans. "God, Louise."

"I don't wanna slow down," she moans too. "I haven't had you in my bed for too long," she adds as she fumbles with his shirt buttons.

"What should I say then?" he sniggers but stops her, folding his hands around hers. "Louise, stop, will you? I need you to understand if we start, I don't want to stop." He lifts his eyebrows at her. She groans. "Damn, John. Did you not hear what I just said? I don't want to talk about why we shouldn't do this or how we'll come to terms with it. Yes, it's wrong because you've married her but it sure doesn't feel that way. You and I, we belong together. I don't care being seen as the home wrecker. It's my damn home that was wrecked in the first place!" She stares him down. "Either you will or you won't, John. Don't keep me hanging there."

He smirks. "Did I ever tell you how beautiful you are when you're angry?"

She laughs and gives him a searing kiss. "Quite a few times, yes. Make love to me, John," she whispers in his ear, pushing his shirt up impatiently, not caring about opening the rest of its buttons.

"Yes, Ma'am," he sighs with content, "whatever you want, Ma'am."

TBC

 _So? What do you think? I mean not just this chapter. Any advice? I need help here! Please? :)_


	5. Chapter 5

_Life, with a little spice 5_

It's late at night and they're lying in bed. She's nestled in his arms, her head on his shoulder. He kisses her forehead. "I missed you so very much."

She giggles. "I bet you did. You showed me quite a few times tonight," she teases him.

He chuckles. "That, I did. But I was not only talking about that," he replies, his hand caressing her thigh.

She drops a kiss on his chest, near his heart. "I know. And though it was a very different experience for me, I missed you too." She sighs. "I never would have thought this would happen to us. Everything was so perfect..."

"Hey, everything will be perfect again, sweetie, I promise. And you know I don't make promises lightly," he says.

"Who did this to us, John?" She breathes out and cuddles closer, shivering.

He draws the bed sheets and comforter around them. "We'll find them. We have to. Or we'll never be safe again."

"But we have nowhere to start," she remarks, frustrated. "And the IOA will want me locked away. We're running out of time."

"Hey. I'll never let them take you away from me. Don't you know that?" He rubs her back gently. "If bad comes to worse, we'll get the hell out of here."

She pushes him away gently and props herself up on her elbow, eying him. "John, you can't do that. There are people here who're counting on you. You can't leave it all just for me," she protests.

"And I have a responsibility towards you," he counters. "You and I, we stick together. Period."

She sighs. "You're stubborn."

"Right back at ya', babe," he replies with a kiss to her temple. She falls silent. "What is it?" he asks.

"I... We need to talk, John," she says tentatively. He sighs, knowing what she has in mind, or rather who. "John, what about Nancy? I mean, it's not I'm really fond of her or anything, but still..."

"I know. I told you, Louise. I'm not going back to her. I'll inform her tomorrow." He pouts. "I have an inkling she already knows."

"John, I'm not going to be a hypocrite and say I'm sorry for her," she tells him.

"I understand but still... Louise, you need to know she hasn't had an easy life either." She scoffs. "Sweetie," he chides her. "I can understand how you feel but she was there for me even though she had to struggle with her own issues."

He elaborates, seeing he has her undivided attention. "She lost her husband not long before she was commissioned to join us. She was still with Homeworld Security when it happened. Carjacking. They never found who killed him. She needed to get away from there. Very much like you did," he points out.

"You'd be an excellent lawyer, John. You know how to make your point," she chuckles humorlessly. "I'm sorry for her. I didn't know."

"We got closer again – because of our mutual pains. I never forgot about you and she never forgot about him. We leaned on each other," he amends. "And I feel guilty for doing this to her now. She has no one to turn to, you know. She's barely made any friends on board. Everyone was pretty much faithful to you." He pouts and falls silent.

"I see why she's so pissed at me," she frowns.

He sighs. "Look, let's not talk about this anymore. I'll talk to her in the morning."

She nods in agreement. "You're right and we'd better talk about what we're gonna do about the other issue at hand. I need to ask you something."

He nods. "Go ahead. Tell me."

"I was not allowed to read the file concerning the mission during which I disappeared. You asked all the questions and I didn't have a say in the matter. I tried to piece things up but there are still missing pieces to the puzzle," she pouts.

He snorts. "Yeah, you tell me! What do you wanna know?"

"Don't get pissed at me for asking. I need to know what you did to find me. If there were some leaves left unturned, so to speak..."

He winces. "Louise. We sent all the teams we could spare to that planet, interrogated everyone in the village, scanned the whole planet, you name it. McKay worked on the gate, trying to obtain all the addresses where you could have gated to. Nothing."

"Did you ever think I could have been stored in the buffer and released later?" she wonders.

"Yes, we did. McKay found no trace of such a glitch," he replies, shaking his head. "All we hoped was that you had been taken somewhere and would be released someday but we never heard from you again."

"I told Jen the only explanation would be I was put in stasis. Did you ever think it possible?"

"Now, we do. We didn't know if you were dead or alive. But why then release you? What would have changed that would make it worthy to make you reappear?" he wonders.

"I don't know, John. But I do know two things. One – when the envoy arrives, it will be too late to act. And two – our only chance is to gate back to this planet and see what I remember," she says, lifting her eyebrows.

He shakes his head. "Oh, no, you're not going there. I have you here with me and I'm not risking losing you again. The place is not safe, for all we know."

"I'm not asking, John," she stubbornly says.

He huffs. "Why do you insist on being so reckless, sweetie?"

"Taking a page from your book, John. I had a good teacher," she points out wickedly.

She barely sleeps a couple of hours before the nightmare wakes her up. She's once again walking through that fog, trying to find the rest of team, but this time, she sees a figure ahead, though she can't make out more. Either her mind is playing tricks on her or she's starting to remember something.

She wakes up with a start. He tries to draw her closer to him but is not really awake so she tells him to go back to sleep and gets up, dressing quietly, and tiptoes out of the room. The guards have not returned and it might be her only chance to talk to Rodney before the envoy arrives. She walks to his quarters and Jen's, hoping they haven't changed. Jen is not there but she's welcomed by a very sleepy Rodney.

He groans. "It'd better be important. I haven't slept in two days." He glances at the clock on his bedside table. "Louise, I barely had two hours of sleep," he chides her. "I'm not Superman," he points out.

She giggles. "I never said you were. Look, I'm sorry I'm waking you up but I need to talk to you. It's important." He motions for her to come in and offers her a seat. "I need to get back to the planet where I disappeared and to do so, I need you to convince John," she announces.

He lifts his eyebrows. "Piece of cake. Gate back to the forbidden planet. Convince John. Sure. No problem!" he sniggers.

She growls. "God, Rodney, I wouldn't ask if I didn't believe the clues are still there for me to find."

She sees he's fully awake now. "What do you expect to find?"

"Everything, actually. I think those villagers must know something. Seeing me might trigger something. If this is part of a grander scheme – as suggested by Nancy – and not an isolated incident with the gate, then we need to do something about it," she says.

"It's been three years, Louise," he points out. "The clues aren't probably there anymore and the villagers, they won't talk. We were pretty thorough the first time."

"I know," she nods in agreement. "I'm not asking you to send me back now. I'm asking you to send me back when it happened."

His eyebrows shoot to his hairline. "Hey, not Superman, remember!" he protests.

She pouts. "Rodney. Don't you dare think I'm stupid. I know you were working on rebuilding Janus's time machine way back when we left three and a half years ago. Don't tell me a genius with too much time on his hands isn't tempted to finish such a project – just for the fun of it." He looks away. "Have you or have you not finished it, Rodney?" she insists.

He nods. "But don't get your hopes high. I've never used it on anyone."

"But technically, it's ready and working, right?" she says stubbornly.

"Technically, yes," he answers, pouting.

"That's good enough for me, Rodney," she nods.

The door chimes and Rodney huffs then trudges to open it. "Thank God, Louise," John enters the room, looking worried, "I found you. I woke up and you were not there."

Rodney turns to her, smirking. She lifts her finger at him menacingly. "Shut up, McKay," she says through clenched teeth. He bites his lips not to laugh.

"Louise, you shouldn't have left without telling me," John chides her, wrapping her in his arms. "I was sick with worry."

"I'm sorry. I needed to see Rodney," she amends, looking embarrassed.

"You have come up with a plan and I'm not going to like it, right?" he says pointedly. She nods. "Do I have any say in the matter?" he insists.

She shakes her head. "Nope, not this time, John. But if you want to fix all this wrong that's been done to us, you'll agree to let me try."

He sighs and looks at McKay who nods at him. "I think she knows what she's doing, Sheppard. And I have my idea about how to make it work." He sighs. "Look, you guys, I suggest you go back to whatever you were doing before this young lady here woke me up and let me work on it. I'm heading back to my lab," he adds, shaking his head. "God, Louise, the things we wouldn't do for you!" he scoffs, making her giggle.

"You know you'd get bored without a good challenge now and then," she points out and winks at him. She kisses his cheek. "Thank you Rodney. For everything. For giving me a chance – again."

She folds her hand in John's much larger one. "Come on, honey. Let's get back in bed. I need my beauty sleep."

"Are you two gonna at least tell me what you're up to?" he pouts.

She shakes her head. "Let Rodney work on it and if it's feasible, we'll tell you." He lifts his eyebrows. "John, if it's not, we'll let you come up with a plan B," she amends, praying it won't be necessary.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

_Life, with a little spice 6_

 _Long chapter for once. Don't know if anyone is still reading this or taking any interest in it at all but if you do, please give me some constructive feedback. It would help greatly. Thanks a bunch. And as usual, all mistakes are mine. Sorry if there are._

"Louise, Louise, wake up." The tone is hurried and she sits in alarm.

"What? What's going on?" she groans, rubbing her eyes. She doesn't even remember falling asleep.

John is standing next to her bed. He looks worried sick. "The envoy has arrived," he simply says.

"What?! But we didn't expect him until tomorrow at the most," she protests. She rubs her fingers on her temples. "God, my head," she groans again.

He winces. "Sorry." He hands her some painkillers and the bottle of water she keeps on her bedside table.

She hurriedly gulps a couple of tablets and makes her way to the bathroom to change. "I got to go see McKay asap," she informs him, as she puts her shoes on.

"Louise, wait. I've just seen him. He said you need to join him in his lab but he never said why. Look, I need to know what you two are up to," he adds, forcing her to turn to him, his hands on her shoulders. His eyes lock with hers and she sees how worried he is.

"John, please. We need to act fast. We won't get a second chance," she scoffs. "Let me go."

He shakes his head. "You said let him work and I did, but now, you have to tell me."

She sighs. "Yeah, 'course we're going to tell you. Come with me. I'll explain on the way."

When they reach the lab, he looks murderous. "No way I'm letting you do that, Rodney," he tells the other man, as they enter the room.

Zelenka pouts and pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "Told you," he tells McKay who ignores him.

"John, it's not for you to say," Louise counters. "You well know we need to solve this once and for all."

"It's too damn dangerous! I won't let you jeopardize your life in exchange for the flimsy hope we might get answers," he growls, stepping toe to toe with her.

She shakes her head and sighs in frustration. They've fought so many times over the years, it seems the tug of war will never end. And their bone of contention is still the same – her safety above all else. "Stop smothering me, Sheppard! I agreed to come on this expedition because you, in return, agreed to let me be your equal. Not a child you feel the need to always protect. I'm your damn partner! Can't you trust me?"

He sighs and rubs her arms. "Course I trust you. Try to understand. You were lost to me. We find you. And now you wanna leave?"

She bites her bottom lip. "John, if all goes well – and I trust Rodney has found a way – nothing that happened in these last three years will ever be. I solve the mystery, straighten things up, we go on with our lives as we should have in the first place."

John sighs in exasperation. "You're so bullheaded..."

"And you love me for that too or in spite of it, I don't know," she counters, with a smile.

He nods. "Yes, I do. Very much so," he whispers, drawing her in his arms.

McKay sniggers, looking embarrassed. "OK, lovebirds. Time to fast forward. We don't have all day. I guess the envoy is going to want to see her asap. So, let's get started." He claps his hands and turns to Zelenka. "Are we ready?"

The other man nods. "As ready as we'll ever be! Got the shielding device?"

McKay snaps his fingers impatiently. "Yes, yes, yes, you're right. She needs that too." He opens a box and hands Louise the same type of device he had once found and Lucius had used too. "You're gonna put this on before you leave. It will protect you from whoever attacked you out there."

Sheppard eyes him suspiciously. "Where did you get this? I didn't even think there were more."

Rodney looks away. "I might have retrieved a few from Janus's lab."

John lifts his eyebrows, leaning towards him, obviously pissed. "A few?"

Rodney rolls his eyes. "OK, I found four of these but two were already depleted and one will soon be. This one though seems brand new. I run diagnostics," he adds hurriedly, seeing John's look of concern. "It's good to go and perfectly safe."

John pouts. "It sure would give her an advantage."

"I hear the if there, John," she cuts him off. "Forget about it. I'm doing this."

"OK, then," McKay goes on. "Let's do it. All you have to do is fly the modified jumper I – we," he amends when he sees Zelenka's reproachful look, "fixed for you. We enter the address of the planet and boom, you're there!" he adds with a smug look.

John rolls his eyes. "You sure of that?"

Rodney huffs. "Damn, Sheppard! Do I feel the need to always get judgmental with your military decisions?" He dares him to counter him. "Well, don't judge my super intelligence, OK? I know what I'm doing."

John turns to Louise. He needs to try and make her change her mind – just one more time. "Louise?"

She smiles at him and wraps her arms around his neck, drawing him to her. She kisses him tenderly. "I'm doing this. Don't make this harder, please," she whispers in his ear, before stepping out of his embrace.

He pouts but offers her his hand. "OK. Let's, then."

"John, please report to your office immediately. And bring Ms Léger with you," he hears Nancy's curt voice in his headset. He cringes. He's not had time to talk to her yet though by that time, she must have surmised something was up, given he's not returned to their quarters all night.

"Will be there shortly. Sheppard out," he replies. He turns to McKay. "We need to hurry. You take her to the jumper. I'll open the doors and dial the gate."

McKay pouts. "Do you think they're gonna stop us?"

John shrugs. "No need to worry about it. We'll adapt. I say we move fast." He turns to Louise. "Sweetie..."

She gives him a quick hug. "We've got no time for this, John. Go!"

They all leave at a run in different directions. She would have liked to talk to Teyla and Ronon before she went and see Shep too but it's obviously not gonna happen now so she saves the thought for a rainy day. If all goes as planned, she stands a fair chance of seeing them all again. If not, well, she tells herself, she won't have to worry about anything anymore.

She sits in the pilot's chair. McKay shows her a few adjustments he's made. He's talking two hundred miles an hour. She focuses on him and nothing else, trying to burn the instructions in her memory – the jumper, the shielding device, the gate – and it seems everything goes in fast forward and she's already on the other side of the gate.

She lands the jumper in a clearing farther along the path they'd already taken to reach the village from the gate and makes a silent prayer that this time Murphy won't be against her and she's arrived right on time. For it to work, she needs to join the team before they see she's missing.

She prays this won't take too long. She's only had time to have her shots before she left and a power bar that she gulped down with a long sip of water. It would be a bummer if she passed out from hypoglycemia and could not be revived because of the shield.

She locks the jumper and makes her way cautiously towards the path. Not a minute too early, she reflects. Teldy and the two other members of the team – a newly appointed scientist called Wicker and another marine, Kerry Jameson, that she's only met for this mission – walk past her hiding place. She tiptoes from behind the trees and runs after them. "Hey, guys," she calls out, "wait for me!" She joins them, seemingly breathless and puts her hands on her knees, bending over as if needing to catch her breath. "Wow, you need to slow down. I can't walk as fast as you do."

Teldy snorts. "Can't take a little walk through the forest, Ma'am?" she teases her.

Louise bites her bottom lip. Apparently, they had not noticed her disappearance. She looks at her watch. It's about the time when she got separated from the team. She looks around but sees nothing suspicious. She giggles. "I guess not. I should have stayed in my kitchen."

"But then, you would have missed the sights," Jameson points out with a grin.

Louise rolls her eyes. "Trees, trees and more trees!" she sniggers. "Who had the splendid idea of mentioning this could be a potential ally for us?" she adds wickedly. She looks around and sees them exchanging looks.

She realizes she'd not asked the first time. Teldy had just mentioned it to her at breakfast the previous day and that they might find trading partners for food here. "We've already been there once and it's safe. Colonel Sheppard can't come but maybe you could," she had offered. Louise realizes she's never questioned the fact it was her first time off-world without any of the members of her usual gang – John or any one of her friends at the very least. But of course, she's always been eager to gate off-world and see new places and make new friends. Her undoing, as she can now see. Whoever wanted to make her disappear only needed to be prepared for this one time when she would be on her own.

Wicker raises his hand. "That would be me," he pouts. "And I like trees," he adds. She gives him a tense smile. She's not taken a good look at him the first time but now, she has to say she doesn't like him. She doesn't even know why. Something in his casual ways. Scientists are often reserved, shy even, and very scared of going off-world. He's not.

"What do you study, again?" she asks tentatively.

He looks away. "Ah, well, you know. Too complicated to explain," he answers. She sees him fidget with his backpack and take a few chocolate bars out of the side pocket. He offers her one. She declines and sees his look of displease.

"Give me the Cliff Notes, then," she offers. "I'm not as stupid as I look," she points out and narrows her eyes at him.

He snorts but doesn't answer that. He hands the other bars to Teldy and Jameson. Louise growls. "Don't eat that, girls," she cautions them. They lift their eyebrows in surprise. She makes a face. "That young man here is trying to tempt you with candy, like Hansel and Gretel," she chuckles and glances towards him. She sees him fidget some more. There's clearly something fishy here. Teldy snorts. Louise sobers up. "But, I mean, really. Girls. You shouldn't eat between meals," she banters. Jameson rolls her eyes at her. Louise is known for her love of dark chocolate. Surely, she cannot be seriously chiding them.

Louise sees she cannot stall anymore. John has told her just before she left to assess the situation but fall back if she felt any danger. "You don't know who's out there, sweetie," he's told her on her communicator as she was powering the engines of the jumper. "And from what we were able to determine, you won't have much time. Assess the situation as best as you can but fall back if need be and let the younger me deal with this." She'd said she'd do her best but she's not cut out to make that kind of decision.

Jameson is already raising her hand to her mouth and if she lets her, she has a sense of foreboding something is gonna happen. She realizes she's slightly altered her time line and is left with only wild guesses. The last time around, she had lagged a little behind and doesn't even remember Wicker offering them candy. She was about a hundred yards away when the fog had surrounded her. She doesn't even know if the scientist has anything to do with all this.

She slaps the bar out of the other woman's hand, making her yelp, and trains her P90 on Wicker. Teldy reacts immediately, aiming her own gun at Louise. "Ma'am, what are you doing?" she demands.

"Drop your weapon, Major. I know what I'm doing," she orders her.

"Not your call, Ma'am. You're not military. I'm in charge here so drop the damn weapon," Teldy barks at her.

Louise glances towards her. "Are you on my side?" she asks the other woman.

She sees Jameson is now training her gun on her too.

"Depends which side you're on, Ma'am," Teldy replies, tilting her head and aiming at her heart.

"Colonel Sheppard's and the City's," she says cockily.

Teldy slowly shifts her position and trains her gun on the scientist who's not said a single word during the whole exchange. _He should be screaming I'm insane instead of remaining so silent,_ Louise reflects _. He doesn't even look scared or in shock. Those geek always do._

"Anything to share with us, Dr Wicker?" Teldy asks him coolly. "Jameson," she orders the other woman, "lower your gun." Jameson huffs but relents. Louise lets out a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

Wicker sneers. "It could have been so simple, Ms Léger. In and out. You disappear and no one gets hurt. But of course, it's never that simple with you and Colonel Sheppard."

Louise's eyes widen with fear. She thought if she exposed him, she could change the course of time. She sees his hand behind his back and grabs it, forcing him to show what he's hiding. It looks like a beacon device and it's been activated. "What have you done?" she demands, shaking him.

He shrugs. "Called for reinforcements. If you'd complied and eaten the candy, everything would be over. Teldy and Jameson would be safe and you would be alive. I think we might have to resort to more drastic measures," he adds ominously.

They hear rapid footsteps approaching their position. "Fall back," Teldy orders. She grabs Louise's arm and tries to make her run back towards the village.

Louise sets her feet firmly on the ground. "That's a stupid idea, Major. We've fallen into a trap. The only escape we have is with the jumper," she counters.

"We don't have a jumper," Jameson reminds her.

"Actually we do and I don't have the time to explain so you'll have to trust me," she replies. She looks around but Wicker has disappeared. She growls. "Damn little weasel!" She shakes her head. "Come on," she tells the others. "We need to gate back before it's too late."

"Ma'am," Teldy tells her as they run to where she's hidden the jumper. "I don't think they'll let us pass."

Louise groans. "I know. We're gonna have to fight our way through it."

She gets in the pilot's seat and ponders her options. The sensors tell her there's a ship in orbit. She's never seen one like these before, though she remembers Jack O'Neill describing it to her. "It's a Tel'tak. What is that thing doing here?" she wonders.

She turns to Teldy. "OK. Here are the options. We surmised all this might have something to do with that gang of NID little traitors who called themselves the Trust. So, either we try to reach Atlantis or..." she hesitates and bites her bottom lip.

Teldy looks nonplussed. "Nothing you're saying makes sense. Who is "we" to start with?"

Louise rolls her eyes. "Long story short. I went to the future, three years from now. "We" is Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay. At least those who were there. Won't exist if I change things here, OK?" she adds hurriedly.

"OK," Teldy says slowly, trying to process the information. "So, you were saying. Or?"

"Or we try to take them down. And if we're lucky, we'll know who's on board," Louise replies, pouting. It's a long shot and if she were honest with herself, all she wants is return home, but home may be in danger and she'll be damned if she doesn't do something about it. Knowing what they're up against could prove invaluable in the near future. "So, what do you think, you girls?"

She turns to them and sees Jameson's gun trained on her head. "I say you stop acting like a fucking Colonel Sheppard and get away from this console. Can't you just for once in your life act like the stupid little teacher you once were?" Jameson growls, royally pissed. "We had you there. All you needed was to eat the goddamn chocolate bar. But, no! You had to get suspicious!"

Louise stands slowly and turns to her. Jameson steps backward cautiously. Louise sees Teldy's hand slowly slide downwards to her sidearm. Jameson sees it too and trains her gun on her. "I don't think so!" she sneers. "You stay put, Major, and let the little lady here come with me."

Louise closes her eyes for a brief moment, trying to decide what best to do. She needs the intel but she doesn't want Teldy hurt. She trains her eyes on Jameson. "I'll come with you, Kerry. No need to hurt her. You let her leave and I'll come with you," she offers, her hands raised in surrender.

Jameson sneers and hands the chocolate bar to Teldy. "You eat that, Ma'am, and I promise no harm will be done to you."

Teldy narrows her eyes at her. "You really think I'm going to let you poison me?" she snaps.

Louise shakes her head. "It's not poison. It's just something to make you forget. I met Teldy three years from now. She couldn't remember a thing. She was not the one we should have interrogated in the first place."

Jameson sneers. "Obviously not!"

"So Wicker tampered with the wormhole drive. I mean he was going to," she corrects herself.

"Yeah," Jameson drawls cockily. "And with a few other things. And we'll still do. I'm going to take you to this Tel'tak and we'll keep you under wraps until we need you again."

Louise sees she's almost there. The girl is obviously too arrogant for her own good. You get cocky, you get sloppy, John had yelled at her once when he was training her. He was so right, once again. She tries hard not to smirk at the memory. "What would you possibly need me for? You said it yourself. I'm just a stupid little teacher turned cook," she points out.

Jameson snorts. "That, you are! But see, you're of great value to our leader. And since you're so intent on knowing the truth, I'm going to do you a favor and tell you who that is. You won't remember a thing anyway," she sniggers. "You were right. The Trust is behind all this. We need you to disappear so Atlantis remains put for the time being."

Teldy rolls her eyes. "Preposterous!"

Louise pouts at her. "Not so far-fetched, I'm afraid. They're just triggering a chain of events that will lead to Atlantis' standstill. But why go to such lengths? You could just kill me. Why keep me alive?" she prods.

Jameson slowly trains her gun on her again. "Because by the time you reappear, we'll have someone ready to replace Colonel Sheppard at the helm. Someone who will be widely approved of. We're not there yet but we will and what better moment to do so than when you conveniently reappear and wreak havoc on his heart again. He'll side with you – without the trace of a doubt, knowing how he dotes on you. And when he does, he'll be accused of treason and removed, as will all your friends," she sneers smugly.

Louise shakes her head. "So the envoy who was coming for me today..." she whispers to herself. Her eyes suddenly light up. "Hey, wait! You did not mention Nancy," she prods.

"Who's Nancy?" Teldy asks. "You lost me there." She has no idea what all this is about but she does know one thing. She needs Louise away from that gun.

Jameson ignores her and sniggers. "I see we'd succeeded. Well, don't worry. We will again. Nancy will lose her husband in a few days or weeks and then she'll conveniently appear at her ex-husband's side to put some sense in him. She's expendable, of course, and has no clue what we have in store for her. She's not one of our agents. Just a convenient decoy."

Louise sighs in relief. As much as she hated seeing Nancy by John's side, she's happy to learn she was a victim, just like them. Once she's gotten out of this whole mess, they'll need to reach her husband before the Go'auld's henchmen get to him. But first things first.

"OK, time to go," Jameson says and looks pointedly at Teldy who's still holding the chocolate bar. "You eat that and I won't hurt her."

"I don't think so," Teldy says, throwing the bar at her and lunging forward. Louise watches in horror as both women tumble to the floor. She's not been fast enough, she berates herself. No matter how many hours she put in her training, nothing had prepared her for making decisions on her own. She always follows Ronon's or John's lead and everything goes well.

She grabs Jameson from behind who's kneeling over Teldy and is regaining control of her gun. Louise pushes her aside and stands between her and Teldy. The Major scrambles to her feet and tries to push Louise aside. "Don't you dare, Ma'am," she yells. "You die and he'll never forgive me."

Louise chuckles humorlessly. "Yeah, right. Don't worry. She won't kill me."

Jameson sneers. "Don't be so sure of that. This whole thing is getting old. I'm sick of having you stand in the way." She trains her gun at her head. "Move," she barks.

Louise shakes her head. "Uh, uh. Over my dead body," she says more cockily than she feels. If McKay's device fails her, she's indeed as good as dead.

The other woman sniggers. "Be my guest!"

Louise hears the click of the trigger and lunges at her as the bullets bounce off her shield. They tumble on the floor and suddenly, everything is eerily silent. She gets to her feet and looks at the now dead woman lying in front of her. One of the bullets has torn its path through her chest.

Louise turns to Teldy. "It's the first time I kill a human being," she stammers, in shock, then her eyes widen in fear. Teldy is holding her hand to her side and trying to regain her balance. "Oh my God. You're hurt!"

"Help me into a seat," Teldy says weakly, "and get us out of here before it's too late," she adds, pointing at the scout ship descending rapidly upon them.

Louise gasps and powers the engines then turns to the DHD. The device is broken, probably beyond repair. "What the hell?" she starts saying then realizes Jameson must have fired her whole magazine at her and stray bullets have ricocheted everywhere. It's a miracle the ship can still fly.

"God, we're as good as dead," Teldy grunts, clutching her side.

Louise pouts. "Look, I have never done this before so bear with me, OK? The moment we arrive on Atlantis, I might not be able to fly the jumper up safely through the hangar doors. You're gonna have to help me," she tells the other woman.

"What are you gonna do?" Teldy asks her.

"If I concentrate, I can dial the gate from a short distance – a hundred yards, tops. We're gonna take incoming fire from that ship and it will probably be a bumpy ride. Provided John lets us in in the first place," she adds, wincing. "You're ready for this?" She sees the other woman is in pain and won't last long. She looks like she's ready to pass out but she nods briefly. "You like roller coasters?" she asks Teldy.

"Yeah, normally," she replies, wincing at the pain that shoots through her side.

"Sheppard likes Ferris wheels. I hate those. Those damn things go too slow," she sniggers, focusing on the gate that they are fast approaching. She tries to keep in a straight line as she starts dialing the gate.

"You're reckless, you know that?" the other woman groans as she sees the gate growing bigger in the porthole. It's still dialing.

Louise snorts but doesn't reply. The gate whooshes open as they get hit for the first time. Louise sends their IDC. "Permission to return earlier. We're taking incoming fire."

"Ms Léger?" she hears Chuck's surprised voice.

"Yeah, that would be us. We got ourselves a jumper. Please let us in," she says as she stabilizes the ship just before they reach the event horizon.

"Permission granted. Lowering the shield," she hears John's worried voice.

She doesn't really know how, but between her and Teldy, they manage to park the jumper in the bay without damaging anything except one of the doors to the hangar. Boy, is she gonna get a talking to!

She slumps on the console, feeling weak and dizzy. She switches off her device, then lifts her head and taps a key to open the hatch. A medical team rushes inside and helps Teldy onto a stretcher. Jen busies herself assessing the damages to both of them. She takes a look at Jameson. "She's dead, Jen," Louise mumbles. "Take care of Teldy. I think she's gonna need surgery." She pushes away one of the nurses who's trying to examine her. "I'm fine," she growls. "I'm not the one injured."

"And you're not in very good shape either, as it appears, sweetie," she hears John's voice behind her, chiding her. "Let them take care of you."

She turns towards him and tries to stand but her knees buckle under her. He grabs her before she reaches the floor. "I got you," he says, before lifting her in his arms. He motions for the medics to go ahead and follows them towards the infirmary. She wraps her arms around his neck and cuddles against him. "John, I'm so, so very glad to see you," she whispers, choking on her tears. Now the ordeal is over, she can finally allow herself to let go.

He kisses the top of her head. "You're going to be OK," he whispers. She sighs in content and starts trailing kisses up his neck to his jaw. "Louise," he chides her gently, "we're not alone. You don't want everyone here to see me as a softy, do you?"

"I don't care," she mumbles. "Besides, you should stop deluding yourself, John. They know it already."

He rolls his eyes but kisses her all the same, seeing how scared she now looks. "What happened back there, Louise?"

She sighs. "It's a long story and one you're not gonna like."

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

_Life, with a little spice 7_

She paces outside the infirmary until Jen leaves it for a brief moment to tell them Teldy is going to make it. "You need to rest, now, Louise," she orders her friend. She turns to John. "Colonel, I would very much appreciate if you took care of her. She won't rest otherwise."

He nods. "Keep us posted on Teldy's condition. I'll need to debrief her as well."

Louise protests. "John. Let her rest. I can tell you everything you need to know."

He nods and pulls her towards the exit. "Let's return to our quarters. We can talk when you've rested a little."

She takes a quick shower and changes into her sweats. It's the middle of the afternoon, hardly a time to go to bed, though she feels drained and wants nothing more but to crawl under the comforter and sleep for the rest of the day. She sits cross-legged on top of the bed instead and pats the space next to her. "Come sit with me, John. We have things to discuss."

"Don't you think it would be best to debrief you in the conference room?" he counters.

She pouts. "Look. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around the whole thing so I need you to listen to me first."

He nods and she starts recounting what happened to her from the moment she left the first time – barely a day from now.

He gulps when he hears her say she'd disappeared for three years. He never interrupts her though, letting her finish her story first before he pulls her to him and wraps his arms tightly around her, breathing her in. She feels him tremble against her. She pushes him away gently and looks into his eyes. He looks both scared and murderous. "Louise, do you realize what you're saying?" She nods quietly. "This is going further than anything we've been through until today. If what you say is true, Atlantis is not safe anymore. We had surmised we would have a respite but it was never the case. We need to warn General O'Neill asap," he says, standing hurriedly.

She stops him before he can tap his communicator to call the Control Room. "John, there's more," she says, making him sit back on the bed. "I left a couple of things out because they were not relevant to the main issue but you need to know before we get to the conference room."

He pouts. "I don't want you to exert yourself. You've been through a lot these last few days. You heard Keller. You rest. We'll debrief you later."

She shakes her head. "We can't wait for this. Right now, we may still have a head start. I'd like to keep it that way. I worked hard enough for that." She looks so resolute he doesn't dare counter her. Besides, she's right.

"Alright, then. Tell you what. I call for a debriefing in the conference room. You tell me the rest on the way. We discuss all this with McKay and I call O'Neill. How does that sound?" he offers.

She nods and stands, following him to the door.

"So, if I get that right, you mean Nancy's husband was purposefully murdered to serve the Trust's interest. But she's only collateral damage," he adds hopefully.

She nods, laying her hand gently on his arm. "It was one of the hardest things I had to live, John – seeing her by your side," she confesses, smiling sadly. "But at least, it's a comforting thought she's not a Trust agent. We need to protect her and her husband."

He nods and lets her enter the conference room first. The whole team is already waiting for them. "What's going on?" Rodney demands. "Sheppard told us," he says, waving at himself and Zelenka, "to get to work on the jumper you brought back from that mission. I need to know how you laid your hands on it, Louise."

She smiles and sighs with content at being here with them all and not stranded in a time where she does not belong. She bites her bottom lip, seeing Zelenka watching her. She hasn't told John yet about her little foray into the Czech's stash of moonshine. It'll have to wait.

John nods at her and sets the recorder on. She starts recounting her story once again – this time trying to be as thorough as possible.

Rodney doesn't let her off the hook. He asks her question after question, wanting to know what she saw, what his older version did to alter the jumper, anything that could help him fast forward the process. "Look, Rodney. I never saw him or Zelenka working on it. They were at it all night and in the morning, things got suddenly real crazy. All I know is what he told me." Rodney scoffs in frustration. She rubs her hands over her face. "I'm sorry I didn't pay enough attention," she apologizes. "I was under a lot of stress and he only gave me a crash course."

"Sorry," Rodney mutters and looks away. "I understand it was hard for you."

She smiles at him. He's changed so much since the first time they met and she feels so blessed to have him as her friend. Without him, she wouldn't be here. She turns to John. "This all back to my own time line thing, I'm afraid it's changed things. I want to believe it's for the best but we haven't been able to stop the scout ship or bring Wicker back with us or even learn who's behind all this, apart from the assumption it's got to do in one way or another with those rogue NID ex-agents."

John has stopped the recording a little earlier. No need for the big brass back on Earth to hear her concern and fear. "I say we send the report in our transmission and let Homeworld Security deal with it. In the meantime, we're gonna have to put Atlantis on a lock down," he says, turning to Lorne who nods in agreement. "Get all the teams back here. We abort all missions. Once everyone's on board, we search the premises and interrogate everyone. I want to know who I can trust." Lorne stands and leaves the room to relay his CO's orders.

John turns to Rodney. "I'm afraid the time machine will have to wait. We need to know if our systems have been tampered with, starting with the wormhole device."

Rodney nods and motions for Zelenka to follow. John calls them back. "Wait. For all we know, we could have a security breach and highly trained spies on board. You two had better be careful. Keep a gun with you at all times and stay together."

Teyla looks worried too. "If that's the case, Colonel, you might not want them to be aware we're after them," she advises him.

Ronon agrees. "Might turn pretty ugly if they feel cornered."

"Can't we come up with something? Like you say you need to issue new orders because of the possibility of contagion from an alien virus... It would hardly be the first time," Louise says, rolling her eyes at the mere idea. They've had to deal with it countless times and she still has a few very vivid memories of people turning crazy or their bodies being taken over by alien forms.

He grins at her. "Léger, you're a genius," he compliments her, making her blush.

McKay points at himself, hurt. "Hey, that would be me!" he protests, offended.

Louise snorts. "No one would dare question that!" she mocks him.

He shakes his head and heads for the door. "Alright, you guys. Stop having fun at my expense and start working. Zelenka and I will again try to save the day while you figure out how to lie to the whole City."

"He's right," Louise points out. "That would be quite a hoax."

John nods and pouts. "And it's gonna be the longest investigation ever. We don't even know what we're looking for or if it's even here and we've got miles of premises to search."

Louise yawns and rubs her eyes. She is bone tired and could use a nap. "Do you mind if I head back to our quarters?"

He pouts. "Actually I do. You're not going anywhere without me or someone I trust and the list is getting shorter by the minute."

She rolls her eyes. "I know how to take care of myself." He gives her a look and she sighs. "OK, at least, can I use the couch in your office?"

He finds her there a couple of hours later. He's talked to Homeworld Security and organized the lock down, with O'Neill's approval. Security measures have already been changed and he's informed the personnel of the new rules, telling them to be extremely cautious. No one remains alone. Teams of two have been established by himself and Lorne and everyone's been made aware of an ongoing investigation to find an alien entity that might jump from body to body.

He shakes her shoulder gently to wake her up. "Louise, sweetie. I'm taking you back to our quarters," he whispers.

She opens her eyes and stretches on the couch then rubs her neck. "Thanks God. Your couch is really not up to my expectations," she informs him.

He chuckles. "As I recall, you never voiced out any complaint when we were here the last time, sweetie," he says smugly, reminding her of the night they'd spent on this very couch not so long ago.

She makes a face. "That was because I had no choice. You said you had work to finish and I didn't want to return to our quarters and leave you here all alone," she points out.

He chuckles again. "You're such a bad liar."

She tucks her tongue at him cheekily and stands. "Are we done for the night?" she asks.

He nods. "Yeah. All the teams have returned and everyone's been ordered to stay put for the time being. Lorne and a handful of trusted marines are taking the first watch. I'm taking you back to our quarters. You need to rest."

She lifts her eyebrows. "So do you," she points out.

They make their way slowly through the empty corridors, his arm around her shoulders and hers around his waist. They relish in the feel of each other's close proximity. "I'm sorry you had to go through all this," he tells her.

She shrugs. "Guess it goes with the job's description," she answers casually to mask her unease. She knows she's going to have nightmares in the days to come.

"Don't need to play it all cool and detached with me, sweetie. I know what it's like to be lost away from your own time line," he points out.

She chuckles humorlessly. "I thought the second time would be easier."

"Was it?" he prods, passing his hand over the door's sensor.

She sighs. "Nope." She falls silent and he sees there's something she needs to say.

He pulls her gently inside the room and closes the door. He makes her sit on the bed. "What is it you're not telling me? Were you hurt? Did someone do something to you?" he asks worriedly. They share most of their worries now and she's more open but sometimes, he feels she keeps things from him not to plague him with her own thoughts and fears.

She shakes her head. "No one hurt me, John. I hurt myself." She smiles sadly. "I did something I'm not proud of and I'm not gonna make excuses because what I did was unforgivable."

He looks up in alarm. She lays her hand gently on his arm. "I... I think I hit rock bottom at some point back there and I snapped. You refused to believe it was really me and you were so intent on pushing me away and there was Nancy..." She pouts. "I'm not making excuses. I'm just trying to explain how I got there..."

"How you got where?" he prods.

"On the west pier, with a bottle of Radek's moonshine," she whispers, looking away in shame.

"Louise..." he chides her then realizes how brave it was of her to tell him. She could have hidden the truth, pure and simple, and dealt with it on her own. "I'm sorry," he amends and pulls her in his arms. He sits with her on his lap, rocking her slowly, her head buried in his neck. "I'm sorry you had to go through all this on your own. And I'm sorry for being judgmental."

"Is OK," she mumbles and wraps her arms around his neck, drawing him to her. "I promise it was a stupid, one-time thing."

"I know," he says and kisses her hair. He tickles her. "Cause I know all you need to get rid of an addiction is to replace it with another and I'm your newest one, if I recall properly," he whispers in her ear smugly, making her giggle. Her hands trail down his chest and untuck his shirt from his pants. "You're absolutely right, Colonel. I'm hooked on you."

Her last words turn into a moan when he trails his hands along her sides and the sensitive skin of her breasts. "God, Louise, I'll never get tired of hearing that sound. We should sleep, though," he sighs. He knows the days to come are going to be anything but easy, what with having to interview the whole base.

"Please, John," she begs and looks at him with such needy eyes that he cannot refuse her.

He smiles. "Alright, but don't ask me to stay awake until the crack of dawn," he says, telling himself he needs it as much as she does, the mere thought of losing her for good taking its toll on him. Of all the things he had imagined could happen, he'd never thought it would be him who'd be left behind.

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

_Life, with a little spice 8_

She wakes up a few hours later. It's still dark outside but John's already gone. He's left a note for her that says she shouldn't worry, that he needs to replace Lorne and not to leave their quarters until he's come for her.

Shep yawns, making her giggle. That dog loves sleeping way too much, she chuckles inwardly, though he's sometimes a pain when he decides it's high time everyone went to sleep so he can too. His look of pure disdain if they do not comply right away when he settles in front of them and locks eyes with them is always priceless and a source of great fun. She sighs with relief at having her dog by her side again and lets her hand trail on his back, making him groan with content.

She tosses and turns a few times until she knows that she won't go back to sleep. She pushes the comforter to the foot of the bed and sits, yawning. She's had way too little sleep to compensate for the hell of a week she's had but nothing, not even Jen's pills, will probably allow her to sleep the rest of the night away. She stands and trudges to the bathroom to shower and change then walks to her bedside table and retrieves the P14 she always keeps there.

She hardly ever walked around the City with a sidearm before, counting on the marines to protect her if anything should ever come up, but that was before Lucius. Ever since that guy managed to get hold of the City, she tends to carry it with her. She adds a couple extra magazines to her jacket pocket and whistles for Shep to follow her. Sure, John has told her to stay put and wait for him but she's got her dog with her and she's armed. Deep inside, she knows she's disobeying orders – again. She pouts. She knows he's going to be pissed when he finds out.

She passes her hand over the sensor all the same and heads towards the kitchen. The corridors are empty – more than usual, as people have been advised to stay in their quarters when not on duty. The walk to her kitchen is uneventful. No one is around so no one stops her.

She leaves Shep in her former quarters with the door left ajar. He's got a mattress there she keeps for when he comes with her. He's not allowed in the kitchen for obvious reasons but she often lets him come with her and leaves him for short periods of time either in the room or on the balcony when the weather is nice and sunny.

She stashes her gun and extra magazines in one of the drawers reserved for nicknacks and sets to work, donning her apron. She's halfway through her preparation of cream puffs for her croquembouche when John enters the kitchen, looking murderous. "What did I tell you?" he bellows, coming toe to toe with her. "And what the hell are you doin'?"

She sets her hands on her hips and tilts her chin up defiantly. It's way too early to have a fight. "Baking, what did ya' think?" she replies cockily, earning herself a glare.

"What did I say?" he demands, spacing out his words. She rolls her eyes at him. "And drop the attitude, lady," he advises her, his eyes narrowing at her. She trails her hands up his arms to his neck. It almost always works when he's angry. He usually softens when she gives him her best puppy look and pulls him into her arms. Almost, yes. And usually too. But not today. He takes hold of her hands and twists them behind her back. "What are you gonna do now, sweetie? Try to charm your way into my assassin's heart?" he mocks her, lifting his eyebrows. "Cause if it were not me but someone intent on killing you, you wouldn't stand a chance," he points out.

She looks away ashamedly. "I took Shep and my gun... And extra magazines," she adds anyway.

He sniggers. "Sure. 'Cause as I can see, that would have been very useful."

"Sorry?" she whispers, looking into his eyes.

"Don't use your puppy eyes on me, Louise. It's too damn serious and I don't have time for your antics," he chides her, releasing her. "Why on Earth did you come here? At least you could have called me. I would have picked you up."

She shrugs. "I needed to cook. I couldn't sleep. I was thinking a little too much..." She needs not say more. He knows how she feels when she's like that. She's been truthful about it long ago.

"Are you thinking about a certain addiction?" he asks, biting his lip.

She shakes her head. "No. It's just I had too much on my mind, what with everything that's going on and I wanted to shake off that feeling."

He bends towards her, looking into her eyes. "You're sure?"

She nods vehemently. "I won't lie to you. Ever. If I feel like I'm going to relapse, I'll head straight back to the infirmary," she promises.

He pulls her into his arms. "I'm sorry I wasn't there when you woke up. With all you've been through recently, I should have," he berates himself.

She wraps her arms around his middle and breathes him in, his scent and strong arms around her always soothing her. "You don't have to apologize, John. You're the leader. You've got responsibilities. I knew it when I accepted to follow you here," she whispers against his chest.

"And I thought we also had an agreement on who I was when on duty," he adds pointedly though his tone is gentle.

"Sorry. Yes, I know. I did agree to obey your orders," she mumbles.

""And you've just disobeyed a direct order," he replies. She looks up and sees his embarrassment and pouts. "Louise, I knew from our very first mission off-world you'd be a thorn in my side. You're stubborn and reckless and so infuriating I should have grounded you that day. You'll never listen, will you?" he sighs and shakes his head.

She pouts again and remains silent. He's got every right to be pissed and yet she knows he's seen right through her – no matter how many times he's told her to be careful, she never listens, telling herself things will pan out just fine.

He sighs and passes his hand over his face tiredly. "What am I gonna do with you?" he asks her, his eyes boring into her.

"Are you mad at me?" she asks in a small voice.

"You bet I am!" he replies, not believing his ears. What was she thinking? That he would be proud of her for being careless?

She looks crestfallen. "Do you still love me?" she asks again, this time her voice hoarse with unshed tears.

He looks at her in disbelief then roars with laughter. "Oh, God, Louise," he says, shaking his head. "Of course I still love you!"

She wraps her arms around his neck and draws him to her, kissing him as if her life depended on it. She then whispers. "Cause, you know, he pushed me away at first." He understands she's talking about the older him. "I thought I didn't mean anything to him anymore. I couldn't live like this, John. I mean, if one day I infuriate you so much you cease to feel we belong together, you need to tell me."

He bites his lips and stares at her. "Where did that come from, Louise? Why on Earth would I cease to feel we belong? I was scared for you, hence the yelling and angry looks. I care about you," he adds, laying his hands gently on either side of her head and locking eyes with her. He feels her tremble in his arms and wraps them around her. As much as he tries to protect her from whoever could hurt her, it seems he's still failed to protect her from herself and her own abandonment issues.

He rocks her gently in his arms for a long moment and kisses the top of her head. "We still need to talk about your disobeying my orders," he reluctantly points out.

"I know," she sighs.

He pulls her towards the table and makes her sit down. He sits next to her and takes her hands in his. "Louise. I'm not fickle about my decisions on base. I don't give orders to be a killjoy. And if I learned one thing from your recent foray into our future, it's that I'll never allow you off-world without me again. We stick together. I can't afford to lose you. So..." he adds, pouting. "From now on and until further notice, you're grounded in your beloved kitchen. You're moving your things back to your former quarters and I'll endeavor to come by if I can." She looks crestfallen. "Look, you need to be here. I understand. The kitchens are not so far removed from the Control Room. I can keep an eye on you and be closer if something comes up."

She winces. "Do I have a say in the matter?" she asks.

He shakes his head. "You need to understand who's the boss here."

"I do," she protests.

His jaw twitches characteristically. "No, you don't," he counters. "You say you do. That's not the same thing."

"Will I see you tonight?" she asks in a small voice.

He looks away. "Don't keep your hopes high, Louise. I've got my hands full right now." He stands, releasing her hands.

She shudders. "Are you punishing me with not coming to my bed?" she asks.

He doesn't answer her. He drops a light kiss on the top of her head. "I'll let you finish whatever you were doing." He glances at his watch. "I'm already late for my first meeting," he says, heading for the door.

"John?" she calls after him. He glances at her briefly and lifts his eyebrows. "Can I come?" He scoffs and doesn't even answer her.

She looks around after he's gone and feels drained. What got in her thick head of hers to think he would let her go down easy? She realizes she's not been fair to him – putting him in a situation where he had no choice but to either allow her to be the teacher's pet or punish her severely – again. Her life feels like a f** groundhog day. They've been through that situation already, except last time, it was Woolsey who was in charge and she and John were not an item.

She sighs and trudges to her workstation. It's irrational but she needs to finish that dessert that's been at the top of her list for so long. Maybe if she completes the task, things will get better. Each time she tries to make it, something happens. The last time, she ended up wasting batches of cream puffs as well as a whole pan full of toffee for nothing – the whole cake looking like a Pisa tower. Cute, but not exactly what her grandmother would approve of.

She's almost done when her first prep cooks arrive for the morning watch. Wilson and Ridgeway having left them to get married and manage her B&B, and most of her prep cooks having decided to stay on Earth too, she's had to replace most of her staff. Some she knows well, especially her under-cook. He was a simple dishwasher when she trained at the SGC but he was always eager to learn. When they interviewed people for their new expedition, she saw his name on her list of applicants and knew he'd be an asset. She trusts him as she trusted Wilson and Ridgeway. When she's off-world, she doesn't need to worry about what people will get on their plates. She realizes she never saw him in her nightmarish future.

"Morning, Ma'am," he greets her with a smile.

"Morning, Kyle," she replies, smiling too. No matter how many hours they pull, he's always cheery and kind to everyone, making the other cooks see the bright side of things. "I'm afraid you're gonna have to start without me," she says, motioning to her dessert. She's halfway through it.

He chuckles. "Planning a wedding, Ma'am?" he teases her.

She bites her bottom lip, trying not to laugh. "Nope, except if I've missed something! I'm just trying to reproduce that nightmarish contraption my grandmother used to make for weddings, yes, as well as baptisms and anniversaries. It looked so simple when I watched her," she sighs in frustration.

He laughs. "Well, it's a good thing we're not having a wedding today or we'd be in trouble! Isn't your cake leaning backwards?" he wonders, circling the table. He tries not to laugh but fails poorly and snorts.

She starts laughing too. "Oh boy, I did it again!" she chuckles. "This has been a pain in my neck for months."

"May I?" he asks, pointing at the cake.

She shrugs. "Knock yourself out. I'll never set that on the dessert tray."

He removes one of the cream puffs that are being held together with the toffee and nougatine and pops it in his mouth. He closes his eyes and moans. "Ma'am, you do know how to make dessert. That's delicious. You bet you won't put it on the dessert tray. I know a few preps here who're gonna love it," he compliments her.

She nods and smiles. "Alright then. I'll just finish making it and you guys can have your sugar high."

Looking at them stuff themselves with her dessert before they start the midday meal service, she reflects it's not such a bad day after all. She sits at the table with them and allows herself one tiny piece of it and yawns. It's the moment of the day when she'd normally take a walk with Shep around the City and not doing it makes her feel sleepy. Amelia has come earlier to take him for a walk and then informed her he's currently with John in the conference room while the latter is conducting interviews.

"Aren't you going back to your quarters, Ma'am?" Kyle inquires. She's been here since the wee small hours of the morning and he doesn't mind supervising the midday meal.

She shakes her head and draws him to the side. "I'm not allowed to leave the kitchen for the time being, Kyle. Colonel Sheppard's orders," she says to him, pouting.

He nods. His boss is renown for getting on the wrong side of their leader. And Colonel Sheppard is not one for giving her a free pass because she's his companion. It's something that most people on board have come to respect though some still question their decision not to make it official.

He's already had a few quarrels with a couple of scientists who'd had inappropriate remarks about his boss. He's not minced his words. If Colonel Sheppard treats everyone fairly, then he believes everyone should respect their private life. Not everyone seems to feel the same way though.

"Listen. Why don't you go and I'll tie loose ends. I won't be allowed to leave anyway and I know for a fact you've already worked much too much this week, what with me being gone on that mission..." she offers. She sees him hesitate so she pushes him towards the door. "Go. Have fun. Enjoy your free time. At least one of us won't have cabin fever," she chuckles humorlessly.

"Thank you, Ma'am. I think I'll head back to my quarters. There's that book I still need to finish," he adds, his eyes twinkling.

She chuckles, knowing only her own addiction to books can beat his. "Go," she shoos him, smiling. "When you're done with it, I'll steal it from you," she teases him.

She hears John's voice on the City's speakers a little later on as the doors suddenly close. "Attention to all personnel. This is Colonel Sheppard speaking. I'm issuing a quarantine as of now. This is not a drill. I repeat, this is not a drill."

Most of her preps have already left and only the dishwashers on duty that day still remain in the kitchen. They look at her in alarm. "What do you think happened, Ma'am?" they ask her.

She shakes her head, trying to look cool though her heart is beating two hundred miles an hour. It cannot be a coincidence after what has just happened to her. "Your guess is as good as mine though I don't think we're in immediate danger. Try to remain calm. Colonel Sheppard knows what he's doing," she tries to reassure them. She taps her communicator but gets no reply, the system being probably saturated with all the people trying to call the Control Room. She snaps her fingers. John has told her to always carry a radio with her, just in case. She prays the battery is still working and switches it on. "John? This is Louise. What's going on?"

She gets static first but then is relieved to hear his voice. "Sweetie, I'm coming to get you as we speak. Stay put."

She sighs and plasters a smile on her face. His voice held a worried tone that does not bode well. "Don't worry, people. Everything's gonna be OK."

The door whooshes open and John gets in hurriedly. He takes her hand and pulls her to the exit. "You're with me." He turns to the rest of the staff. "You," he says, pointing at them, "stay put."

One of her younger staff steps forward, looking scared. "Can you tell us what's going on, Sir?" he asks.

John sighs but relents. "I'm going to announce it on the speakers anyway. Someone has been murdered and the killer is on the loose. We're keeping everyone where they are to conduct separate interviews. We'll try to be diligent but it might take a while. Sorry about that," he adds, wincing. He pulls Louise towards the door. "As for you," he adds, "I need your help."

They leave towards his office. Her hand is still in his but it's as if he were not registering her presence. She squeezes his hand gently. "John?" she says tentatively.

He turns to her, his jaw clenched. "I need to make that announcement," he repeats. He shakes his head then stops walking and turns to her. He puts his hands on her shoulders. "Sweetie, I needed to tell you first."

She gasps, her heart missing a heartbeat. "Who is it?" she demands. "Who got killed?"

He gulps and braces for her reaction. "Kyle. He was found dead in the corridor to his quarters. It seems he was returning there when he was attacked."

Her jaw drops at the sudden revelation. She feels like she's been punched in her stomach and doubles over in pain. He reaches for her and wraps her in his arms as she crumbles to the floor. It's hardly the first time this is happening to her. One minute, you think of nothing else but mundane things like what's for dinner and when am I gonna have time to finish that book and the next, your whole world is turned upside down.

"Breathe," he tells her, seeing her hyperventilating. She does as told and gazes at him. The pain he sees in her eyes – he'd do anything not to see it ever again. "Louise? Talk to me," he pleads.

She gulps. "Did he suffer?" she asks, her tears choking in her throat.

He shakes his head. "It's too early to tell. Keller and Beckett have taken him to the infirmary. They're going to do the autopsy. It might shed light on what happened."

She stands slowly and looks him in the eye. "What happened, John, is that I sent him to his death," she replies despondently.

"What? No! Of course not," he replies, shaking his head.

She shrugs. "It was his shift but I was grounded anyway so I told him he could take time off. Had I not, he would still be here."

He closes his eyes briefly and pulls her to him once more. "You're not responsible for every wrong in this world, sweetie. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Period."

She sits for hours in the Control Room while several interviews are being held simultaneously in the conference room and his office as well as in different parts of the City. They're trying to narrow down who was around at the time of death. None of her dishwashers having left the kitchens since the morning, they're allowed to return to their quarters once everyone on board has been accounted for.

Slowly, the tiny dots of the personnel start moving around again on the sensors. She's begged to help with the interviews but John believes she's too emotional at the moment so she's left with too much time on her hands. He's being irrational again, she reflects, not letting her leave, wanting to have her where he can see her. She finally corners him mid-afternoon in his office and demands to return to the kitchen. No need to have the whole population of the City starve on top of everything else.

He shakes his head stubbornly. "Uh, uh. I can't keep everyone cooped up or I'd have a riot on my hands but deeming some people innocent of this murder does not mean we're considering them trust-worthy. There might be more than one Trust agent on board."

"You're paranoid, John," she scoffs. "We don't even know yet if that has anything to do with the Trust, to start with!"

He huffs. "And you're being delusional, Louise," he counters. "Do you really believe this is just a coincidence?" She pouts. "That's what I thought! Stop trying to bend things the way you want them. It doesn't work that way, sweetie. There's a killer on the loose and for all I know, there might be more. And the fact that it was your under-cook who was attacked? That might not be connected but it might. I'm not going to let you gamble with your life again. You're staying with me."

She sits on the couch despondently. He points at her, waving her towards the door. "And get the hell out of my office, chef. I've got work to do here." She smiles sadly, knowing it's just a game he's playing to keep her on her toes.

She stands and walks to him. "Can I at least get a kiss, hug, something?" she asks, looking up at him hopefully. She badly needs to be in his arms right now.

He sighs. "Louise, everyone's looking at us," he points out. She sighs too and trudges to the door. He takes hold of her hand and squeezes it gently. "I'll see you later. I promise," he adds, seeing how despondent she looks. She smiles sadly and goes to sit in the gate room with Shep.

He finally lets her return to the kitchen much later, with Teyla by her side. They've worked for hours on the interviews and narrowed down the list of suspects to a dozen and are interviewing them. The rest of the personnel is allowed to move around the City but the piers, labs, jumper bay, generator areas, chair room and Control Room still have very restricted access.

The silence in the kitchen as they prepare dinner is deafening. No one talks. All ten people who've agreed to come and help in spite of the circumstances are deep in their thoughts, moving around the place like ghosts. Louise has opted for turkey sandwiches and fruit. They have no time for more. They bring the trays to the mess hall and then head to Stargate Operations to hand out dinner to those on duty. Louise is glad she has Teyla by her side, her friend's quiet presence soothing in times like these. They end up in John's office. He reclines in his chair and tries to smile at her. She hands him a sandwich that he sets on his desk, leaving it untouched.

"You need to eat, John," she chides him.

He winces. "I will. Later." He motions for them to sit. "I need to make decisions. That still makes too many suspects. And I'm no cop," he adds despondently. "Ronon is offering to help," he says, rolling his eyes at her, earning himself her first real smile of the day.

"How many?" she wants to know.

"We've narrowed them down to five."

She nods. "That's pretty good. Out of a City of three hundred plus people. Look, it's late and you won't probably get more out of them tonight. Lock them up and let them think it over. A few hours in the eerily silent brig might do more than any of Ronon's badass stunts."

He nods. "I think so too. I'll give the order and we'll head back to our quarters," he says. "Teyla, can you take the first watch with Ronon and Amelia? Lorne will take the second with Chuck. I'll take the third with Louise. I only want a few people allowed near the critical areas and brig." Teyla nods and leaves. "Wait for me. I'll be right back," he tells Louise.

He returns a moment later and offers her his hand. "Come on, sweetie, we need to rest."

She stands and Shep follows suit immediately, shadowing them. She smiles at John. "He's tired too," she says, making him snort.

"Yeah, sure. He spent all day sleeping either in your quarters or here," he sniggers.

"That was the tiring part, honey. He had to watch everyone scurrying along while he was not even allowed to budge," she banters. She falls silent as they approach the transporter. "Can we make a little detour to the infirmary?" she asks shyly. It's not something she's really looking forward to but it's definitely something she needs to do and the later she will, the more difficult it'll get.

He squeezes her hand. "You want to see him?" She nods. "Are you sure you don't want to remember him the way he was?"

She shakes her head resolutely. "It would be cowardly. I need to say goodbye, John."

He lets her enter the room alone, as she's asked. He sees her approach him and lift the white sheet. After a few minutes, she bends towards him and lays a gentle kiss on his forehead then puts the sheet back on and leaves the room quietly. He sees she's crying and bites his bottom lip. She smiles and rubs his arm. "That's me grieving, John. I know you're not comfortable with seeing me cry so I'm just going to go see Jen for a couple of minutes if that's OK with you. I won't be long," she tells him.

When she returns, she looks even more quiet and subdued. It scares him. He knows Sergeant Bailey was more than her under-cook. He was a friend too and a trusted one. He's never told her so because it would have made her uncomfortable but he's been told Bailey had defended her several times ever since they'd been back on board – fighting anyone who'd dare mention her private life. Lorne has told him there had even been a brawl once with a couple of scientists who'd been pretty nasty to her. He makes a mental note of inquiring into it though said scientists are not part of the suspects under lock tonight.

"You OK?" he asks her, pulling her into his arms.

"I'm not but I will be. Especially when I can look the son of bitch who did that in the eye," she replies. He feels her shudder and rubs her back. She's both grieving and very angry and he can connect to that. There's not much to be said. "Take me home, John," she whispers.

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

_Life, with a little spice 9_

No need to say she doesn't ask for more that night but to be held tight. She waits for him to fall asleep to allow herself to cry quietly. No matter what John says, she feels responsible for what happened. Jen has told her Kyle probably never saw it coming and the stab he received killed him instantly. That's the plus side. What worries John is that the wound is clean, showing the killer never hesitated. Liver wound. No fuss, no muss. And no hesitation marks. The guy – or gal – has killed before. That's a given.

She closes her eyes and tries not to think about Kyle, only about the murderer. She thinks about the list she's been given of potential suspects. It doesn't add up. None of those people had any controversial past. A prep cook, a scientist from NUMA, a tech, a couple of pilots. Sure, those two flyboys have training but she knows them well and can't believe they could have anything to do with Kyle's death. All those people have been interrogated because their quarters are right next to Kyle's and they were alone at the time of death and thus had no alibi.

She tosses and turns. She should be sleeping instead of torturing herself. John has that uncanny ability to fall asleep whenever he can. Unfortunately, sleep often eludes her and when it does, there's nothing she can do but wait – and think. When she was single and had her own quarters, she'd get up and read or write or even head back to the kitchen but he told her once – you don't sneak out on a trained colonel.

She sighs and settles on her back and lays her hands on her stomach, trying to relax. She thinks about Sergeant Bailey and the first time they'd met. Fond memories of the time she'd spent training at the SGC. Connecting to people, though on a superficial level at the time. Now, it's so different. John has forced her to connect. Bent her to his will. _I'm a patient man when I put my mind into it_ , he'd told her once. And patient he has been.

She turns on her side, her head propped on her hand and watches him sleep. It warms her heart he's there with her – in spite of every single time she's pushed him away, in spite of every single time she's gotten on his wrong side. She bends and kisses his temple – a feather-like kiss meant to comfort her. He's barely inches away and yet, she misses him.

He turns on his side, facing her and she freezes, hoping she's not woken him up. Lord knows he needs to sleep. He sneaks his arm around her waist and pulls her to him. "Love you," he mumbles in his sleep. She closes her eyes and sighs. She makes a silent prayer he'll always feel that way. Meeting his other self in their future has told her one thing. If he ever feels differently towards her, she knows she won't bear it. "Why don't you try and get some rest?" he mumbles. "I can hear you thinking there," he teases her.

She chuckles. She should have known it would wake him up. "Sorry," she whispers.

He sighs and props himself up against his pillow and pulls her in his arms, her head on his chest. "Is OK," he drawls lazily. "Want to talk about it?"

"Uh, uh," she replies and cuddles even closer.

"Are you trying to solve the case at two in the morning, sweetie?" he teases her, knowing it's probably what's keeping her awake.

"Might be. But it's not leading me anywhere," she mumbles. "I don't see why Kyle would be killed in the first place. And don't tell me again he was in the wrong place. How can it not be related to my abduction?"

"See," he points out. "You've finally come to the same conclusions!"

She sighs. "Yeah, but the why eludes me."

"He might have heard or seen something related to you. He's one of the few people who were told you had gone missing and not simply left on a mission."

"You told him?" she asks, surprised.

"I did. I thought it would be good for you to have someone who'd help you through it at work. I trusted him," he tells her, making her smile. She knows he's always had people keeping an eye on her. It used to aggravate her at first because she thought he treated her like a child. Now she knows it's just worry on his part.

"Look, can we at least try to sleep? I'm not getting any younger. I need my beauty sleep," he banters, making her chuckle.

"OK," she amends and settles in his arms, one of her legs between his. She smirks when she feels him harden against her thigh though neither of them is ready for that now. Too much sorrow on her part and too much worry on his. It's just good to know she makes him feels that way. She feels her limbs go numb and finally falls asleep. He watches her for some time, stroking her head gently, before he does too.

He wakes her up around five and they make their way back to the Control Room. Nothing has happened during the night. McKay is waiting for them. "Have you slept at all?" she asks him, seeing how perky he looks.

He shakes his head impatiently. "Been working on the video footage of the corridors with Chuck. The system's been definitely tempered with. Someone is trying his best not to get caught. Or someone else covering his tracks..." he huffs.

"We've received a transmission from the SGC, Sir," Lorne tells John. "General O'Neill said not to wake you up. He's approved of your measures and thinks you should send back to them whoever needs to be interrogated, should our interviews prove fruitless." Lorne pouts. "What do you say?"

John crosses his arms on his chest and breathes out. "I say whatever General O'Neill says is fine by me. It won't end our quarantine and certainly won't dispense us from scouring the City and conducting interviews of everyone but at least, we won't have to deal with those people." He scratches his stubble pensively. "Let's give it one more shot and if we don't get anything out of them, we'll do just that."

"I want to come with you," Louise asks.

He presses his lips together, thinking. "You sure about that? If one of them is Sergeant Bailey's murderer, you might not want to look him in the eye when he tells you the truth," he tells her.

She shakes her head. "I need to know and I also need to do something – anything. I feel so useless."

"OK, then. A fresh perspective wouldn't hurt, after all,'" he agrees. He bends towards her. "But you let me conduct the interviews, OK?" he whispers to her. She nods. "Louise?" he insists.

"Yes, John, I promise I won't disobey your orders this time," she tells him truthfully.

"I don't understand, people," he tells them, aggravated. "All of you say they haven't heard or seen anything. How can that be possible? A man gets murdered next to your quarters and you have nothing to say." They're all sitting at a table near the brig. They all look very tired, like they haven't slept all night. John slaps his hands on the table and growls. "All right, let's get started."

He nods to Lorne and Ronon who are waiting by the door. "You take the scientist and tech, I take the flyboys, Louise'll get the prep," he orders.

She smiles at him briefly. It's the first time he lets her do something like that, lest on her own. She motions for the prep to follow her, his file in hand, and takes him to a room down the corridor. She offers him a seat and opens the file in front of her. "Dave, do you know why you're here?" she asks.

He looks her straight in the eye, cool and collected. "Yes, Ma'am."

She's been told that not once has he asked about the deceased. "You've been told Sergeant Bailey was murdered. He lived two rooms down from yours. We need to have information, Dave," she tells him.

He shrugs. "Can't help you. Already told Major Lorne. Heard nothing," he replies offhandedly.

She presses her lips together. "What about in a more general way?"

"What about it?" he counters. There's something that's not adding up in his behavior. He looks detached, even bored.

"Well, do you know who he hanged out with, apart from you guys from the food service?" she asks at random. John has told her to try and check references, links between people. And not be too obvious at once.

He shrugs. "You're the head of the food service. You should know," he points out wickedly. "I didn't hang out with him at all."

She narrows her eyes at him. He's bordering on disrespect, though he's got a point. Kyle was Kyle. That's all. He was easy-going and had no problems making friends so she'd never paid attention. She had too much on her plate as it was. They would spend time together, professionally, but she relied a lot on him for when she would go off-world and that had become the biggest part of her workload recently. She berates herself for not checking on him, making sure he adapted to life on board.

She gives him a tense smile. "I'll be right back," she tells him curtly. She motions for one of the marines to keep an eye on him and goes to knock on John's own interrogation door. She peeks in. "Hey, sorry to bother you. Got a minute?" she apologizes.

He nods and walks outside. He folds his arms on his chest. "Got anything?" he asks hopefully.

"More like a bad vibe. That guy, Dave, I don't really know him. He was more on Kyle's shift than mine. He only worked with me a couple of times. His face looks eerily familiar and not from seeing him around here though that's about it except he does strike me as cold when he should be scared or at least worried."

He pouts. "OK, well, I'm not making any progress either. My own suspects are looking genuinely concerned. We're waiting for McKay's results on the City's systems. He said he could determine which doors opened and when, and link that to the logs from the sensor device. This way we know for certain who was inside, who opened their doors and who's lying about it," he tells her.

She huffs. "Three hundred plus people to check, John!" she exclaims. "It's gonna take too long."

"Woman of little faith," she hears McKay chide her from the other end of the corridor. He's exiting the transporter with a smug look and a tablet in hand. "I found everything you need to get this case to the next level," he declares. She quirks an eyebrow and waits, her arms folded on her chest. He looks from her to Sheppard and waves at them both disdainfully. "You two spend way too much time together. I said it a long time ago. You're rubbing off on each other, and not in a good way," he points out.

They look at each other's matching stance and roll their eyes in unison. "To the point, McKay," John says impatiently.

He huffs. "Alright. I was able to isolate those data you wanted," he tells John. "It confirmed what we already know. Only five people were around at the time of the crime but only one used the command to open his door from the inside," he says, showing them the person's picture file. Louise nods. "OK. Anything else?"

"Demanding much, are we?" Rodney sniggers.

"You have no idea," she retorts with a smirk.

He rolls his eyes and looks pointedly at John who warns him. "McKay, get your mind out of the gutter and spit it out!" Rodney smirks knowingly all the same and glances towards Louise who's flushed at the innuendo.

"Alright, happy taxpayers! So, what I have is that guy was outside his room, conveniently near Sergeant Bailey's quarters, while another guy was tampering with the cameras from his own room," he explains. He shows them another file. "As for the others, no computer activity or anything that would look suspicious. I'm still working on emails sent on the intranet and Zelenka has written a program to find anything suspicious on the video footage we do have."

John nods appreciatively. "You guys did an excellent job. Get back to me when you have anything else." McKay nods quietly and heads back to the transporter, his shoulders hunched. It's been a long night and even though he's just helped them make progress, there's much, much more to do.

She turns to John. "Where do we go from here?"

He pouts. "I say we wait until McKay has more. We need to nail them down once and for all. We've got those two and Wicker and Jameson. We need to know if there's more and what damage they've already done – apart from the obvious," he adds, seeing her eyes well-up with tears. He steps closer and rubs her arm. "Look, sweetie, you're too emotional to keep conducting this interview." She looks away and scoffs. "I'm not saying you're useless. I'm just saying you need to regroup first," he adds hurriedly. Letting her come down here was a mistake. She's been through too much already.

She shakes her head and looks him in the eye. "You're not trusting me," she accuses him.

He pouts. "You're not being fair," he counters. "I trust you. I do."

"So why have you changed your mind?" she snaps.

"Because," he drawls, trying to to keep his cool, "this is not the right time for you. You need to take it easy."

"Stop mothering me, John," she counters, glaring.

"How am I supposed not to do that?" he huffs. "I care about you, damn it!" He presses his lips together and regards her, arms crossed over this chest.

She sighs and approaches him. She lays a hand on his forearm. "I know," she whispers. "But it's not fair for you to always have to watch my back."

"I don't mind," he replies with a smile and pulls her in his arms. "I promise once you feel rested, I'll let you help."

She kisses his cheek and steps back. "Thank you. I think I'm gonna head back to the kitchen. Without Kyle around, I think I might have to work double shifts anyway."

He nods. "I'll walk you back there," he says.

She shakes her head. "Nope, you're not. You've got enough on your plate and I know how to take care of myself," she tells him, lifting an eyebrow, daring him to counter her.

He ponders it and nods for her to go. "Just be careful," he tells her.

"I'm always careful," she says over her shoulder as she leaves hurriedly.

He shakes his head in disbelief and chuckles. She'll be the death of him but he cannot imagine a life where she wouldn't be around anymore.

She walks to the mess hall but stops at the Control Room first. Amelia is manning the consoles with Shep by her side. He lifts an eyelid when he sees her approach them but doesn't make a move to come and see her. She chuckles at his look of pure boredom. She strokes him a couple of times and smiles at Amelia. "Hey, thanks for taking care of him," she tells the other woman. "Anything I should be aware of?"

Amelia shakes her head. "No problem, Ma'am, and no. Same old, same old. General O'Neill called again. They have surveillance on Colonel Sheppard's ex-wife and her husband. 24/7, he said. He doubts though anything will happen now. The fact you came back probably disrupted whatever they had put in motion."

"I agree and it kind of worries me. I came back to change things and I did but now, we're in the dark again. I'm heading to the kitchen," she adds. "Can you keep Shep here?" she asks.

Amelia nods with a smile. "No problem. I'll take him for a walk later, when Ronon gets back from the interrogation room. Will keep you posted if anything comes up. Oh, and Ma'am?" Louise looks back at her. "General O'Neill said if you need help, just to let him know. Major Lawrence is ready to gate to Atlantis if you need him."

Louise grins. "Now, that's real good news. I could use some help. I'll talk to Colonel Sheppard about it."

When she arrives in the kitchen, everyone stands at attention. It seems they've been here a while. She looks around and sees nothing has been done yet. They're not used to working on their own. She sighs and berates herself for thinking she could manage with only one under-cook. "OK, people," she claps her hands. "We're gonna prepare something fast and simple. The days to come are not gonna be easy so bear with me. Oh, and, by the way, who knows Dave Grady personally?" she asks offhandedly.

They all shake their heads. "Actually, Ma'am," Private Sanders replies, "none of us really do. He came in at the last minute to replace another guy who hadn't showed up. He didn't train with us. So we kind of, well..." His voice trails off in embarrassment.

She chuckles. "You kind of shunned him?" she offers, making him blush.

He pouts. "Not really, Ma'am. It's just he would not hang out with us anyway and spent most of his free time with those two scientists..."

She lifts her head and looks him in the eye. "What scientists?" she demands.

He blushes and remains quiet.

"Look, Ma'am," the other Private next to him says, "we kind of didn't like those guys. They were not very respectful and Dave, he kind of bonded a little too much."

"Disrespectful? How so?" she prods.

They all look at each other, fidgeting. "Sergeant Bailey – he had a brawl with those two one day. Said he didn't want to hear them talk like that. Said he would report them if that happened again," Sanders says.

She growls. "Stop beating about the bush, damn it! This could be important. What was the object of their quarrel?" she demands.

They look down and shuffle their feet. "You, Ma'am."

"What? Me? Why?" she asks, frustrated. _What has that got to do with Kyle's death or the presence of spies on board?_

"Said you had privileges on board because you were Colonel Sheppard's girlfriend." He pouts and looks away.

"They said that, uh?" she snaps, temper flaring.

"More like he was shagging you..." one of the younger preps adds, turning beet red.

She does flush too, but with anger. "And was Dave there?"

They nod. "He didn't say anything. He just sniggered. I mean, that's what I was told, 'cause I wasn't there," Sanders replies hurriedly. "But you can ask Major Lorne. He knows about it."

She looks bemused. "He knows?" she repeats, befuddled. _He knows and he didn't tell me?_ She reflects, her temper flaring. _And of course, nothing that Evan knows is kept from John!_ She suddenly feels murderous. _How could they keep that from her?_

She gives them all a tense smile. "OK," she drawls. "Thanks for the intel. Now, to make things straight for you people, yes, Colonel Sheppard is shagging me," she says, making air quotes, "but if anyone has a problem with that, I think they'll have to talk to the IOA about it, 'cause as I recall, they were the one who allowed us to come back here – as a couple." She looks around, letting the underlying meaning sink in.

They all look down and shuffle their feet. "Yes, Ma'am," a few of them mutter.

"Now this is settled, let's set to work." She dons her apron and rolls up her sleeves. "Menu is on the board with the list of ingredients. Get to your workstations."

She goes round and makes sure everyone has what they need but her mind is several levels below, in the brig. John has not returned or called, meaning they're still at it. This can't be good. She sighs. She's so tired of all this. Wraith attack on the City, she can take. But that – that is sneaky and disturbing. She feels a shudder creep up her back. And those people trying to discredit John's ability to run the City? It seems she's back where she started – three years in the future. That's what they were attempting at that time. That's what they all succeeded in doing. Only now, it's happening much faster.

She shakes her head, trying to get rid of the feeling but the word sneaky comes back to haunt her. _Like Wicker_ , she reflects. She sniggers inwardly. _Wicker – wicked, more likely. What a fitting name! And that Dave what's his name? Sneaky little weasel as well._ And why is his face coming back to her? She snaps her fingers impatiently – McKay style – and taps her headset, eyes widening. "Colonel Sheppard, come in, please."

"This is Sheppard. Yes?"

"I know where I saw that guy." She hears him breathe out. Finally, they're making progress! "Three years from now. Sneaky little weasel, indeed," she adds to herself. "He was the new cook. Gushed about my cooking and all that! I'm going to wring his neck!" she growls. "I'll be right down," she adds through clenched teeth.

"Louise, you stay where you are," he orders her.

"The hell I am!" she barks back. "He's about to discover what it means to get on my wrong side!" She ends the conversation and looks up. Everyone has obviously heard that last part. They're looking at her apprehensively. "What?" she barks, royally pissed. "You were not seriously thinking I was going to forgive and forget? No one jeopardizes this City and lives to brag about it." She looks murderous now. She points at the oldest prep cook. "You, there. You manage the kitchen while I get down to the brig. Lists are on the board. Howler if you need me. I won't be long," she sneers. She removes her apron and checks her sidearm before heading for the door.

"She's not serious, right?" Sanders's friend asks him.

Sanders shrugs. "Your guess is as good as mine. I only know her by reputation. And that was definitely not what I was expecting..."

By the time she gets down to the brig, she's fuming. The guy had the nerve to make her think he admired her. And John? He knew people were talking behind their backs, spreading nasty rumors, and he hadn't done anything about it? She sees him waiting for her down the corridor, his arms crossed defensively on his chest. She points at him accusingly. "You're next in line, buster," she snaps at him. "But first, you give me five minutes with that guy," she orders him.

"Ah, nah, I don't think so. You sound too much like Ronon right now," he banters. "And why should I be next in line, by the way?"

She rolls her eyes. "For keeping things from me, maybe," she replies, narrowing her eyes at him.

"What things?" he asks innocently.

She swats his forearm nastily. "Stop that now, John Sheppard, before things get really ugly, OK? When were you going to tell me people are spreading rumors about us?" she accuses him.

He bites his bottom lip and looks away. "So?" she insists.

He looks at her and pouts. "I just found out. I'm not the only one protecting you, OK! Kyle was. Lorne too. And it's not as if rumors are spreading! It's just a couple of scientists who should have kept their big, arrogant mouths shut."

"Two scientists who happened to hang out with our suspect! Now, I want their names and I want them down here asap," she demands.

"Hey, lady, I'm still the boss here, OK?" he replies indignantly. "And we already have them in custody." He sees the corner of her lips lift slightly. "Yes, hon', I'm not as incompetent as you think."

She pouts. "Never said that."

"Good, 'cause otherwise I'd have to put you in the brig for disrespect!" he teases her.

She rolls her eyes. "OK then. You take the two d bags. I take Dave."

He shakes his head. "Told ya already. Can't let you do that."

She huffs. "John, I'm royally pissed right now but I'm not stupid. I just need him to think I am. He's sneaky? I can be that too!" she replies cockily.

He eyes her and ponders it. "OK," he finally says, "but don't do anything I wouldn't."

She snorts. "Sure thing. Had a good teacher."

"Hello again, Dave," she smirks, entering the interrogation room. He trains a cold glare on her. She grins and takes her P14 from her holster and makes a show of checking it then sits in front of him and lays the gun on the table, keeping her hand on it. His eyes widen. "Tell you what, Dave," she drawls. "I do know about second chances so I always try to give people one – even rattlesnakes like you. Thing is, I already have," she adds ominously.

"Where's Colonel Sheppard?" he demands hurriedly, his eyes darting to the door.

She smirks. "You mean the man who's shagging me?" she asks wickedly. She sees him flush. "He's got other fish to fry, actually. Bigger ones," she adds.

"What do you mean?" He looks worried now.

She presses her lips together. "You see, Dave, we've discovered you're just a petty little accessory in a much grander scheme. Colonel Sheppard is interrogating your two very impolite friends as we speak. You were just here to replace me – no more. He's not interested in you. Them, in return..." she adds. "They'll get a one-way ticket to the SGC and will be allowed to live a little longer. You are staying right here, with me," she informs him and grabs her sidearm. She trains it on his head.

"What are you gonna do to me?" he stammers.

She shrugs. "Don't know yet. My boyfriend said you were all mine. You know, accidents happen..."

He breathes out. "What do you want?"

"I want the list of all the other rattlesnakes on board," she says coolly. "And I want to know how you got here in the first place."

He looks away and grits his teeth. "Don't wait too long. If your friends beat you to it, the deal is off and I'll be most happy to kill you." He looks her in the eye, glaring. "Did I tell you about the time I killed a Wraith?" she asks him coolly.

He pouts. "I read about it," he says through clenched teeth.

"Oh," she adds, smirking, "and I'm sure you were not informed yet but actually, I killed Jameson too..."

He blanches. "Jameson is dead?"

She smirks. "Funny how many people you know on board that are somehow connected to our case, uh? Not bad for a guy who kept to himself and never hung out with the rest of the preps." She lets it hang in there and waits.

"Got a pen and paper?" he asks her disdainfully. She hears the door open quietly. On of the marines on guard outside her door deposits said objects on the table and nods at her before leaving. John is monitoring the conversation. Probably has from the beginning. She smirks and nods at Dave to start writing. "I want to make sure I'll get immunity," he demands smugly.

She snorts. "You'll get no such thing," she replies. "But I can make sure you get to Area 51 in one piece. Does that sound reasonable to you?" She raises her eyebrows expectantly. He sighs and starts writing.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

_Life, with a little spice 10_

"Incoming wormhole," Chuck announces. "It's the SGC, Sir," he informs Sheppard who nods.

"Lower the shield."

"We're receiving a transmission, Sir. Putting it on screen. It's General O'Neill."

Sheppard nods respectfully at the older man." Sir. We were about to call you."

"With good news, I trust?"

"Yes, Sir. We made progress. Sending the transcripts from the interviews your way," John informs him and nods at Chuck. "So far, we have caught four people red-handed. A prep cook, two scientists and a tech. From the connections we've been able to make between the video footage of the City and the emails sent through the intranet, they were all connected to Jameson and Wicker. The cook also gave us a couple more names. We'd like to send those people your way."

General O'Neill nods. "Please, do. We have a few questions for them ourselves."

John nods and calls Lorne. "Major? Get us the prisoners to the Control Room. We're sending them back to Earth."

Louise reaches the Control Room as they're leaving through the gate. "General? Can I talk to you?"

He smiles at her. "Of course, Ms Léger."

"I'm concerned about the safety of those people," she says, biting her bottom lip.

He chuckles. "You can't help worrying, even about your worst enemies, can you?"

She blushes. "Sorry. I promised Dave he would be safe if he talked."

"I'll make sure of that," he replies. "Colonel Sheppard? I want you to know that we'll do everything we can to keep everyone safe. Is there anything we can do to help? Reinforcements? We've got several teams here ready to join you if need be."

"Actually, Sir, there is something but it's definitely not having more people to monitor and protect. It would rather be the contrary. We have narrowed down a list of scientists we don't need for the time being. I'd very much appreciate if you could take them in for some time and interrogate them. That would greatly help."

O'Neill nods. "Consider it done. We're making arrangements and calling you back. Ms Léger, Major Lawrence has offered to come and help you. What do you say?"

She pouts. "Sir. I'd love that..."

"I sense a but here."

"You know me well. Yes, there's a but, Sir. I believe Atlantis is not safe right now. I agree with Colonel Sheppard on that and I think we shouldn't have more people here. I'll manage, especially if you get people out of our hands. But ask me again when we consider the City safe," she replies.

"Alright then, young lady. I will," he replies. "Colonel, I'll call you back in a couple of hours. O'Neill out."

John turns to Louise. "Are you sure you don't need some help?" he worries, seeing how tired she looks.

"I need it, John, but I don't want it. We need to make sure it's safe here. I won't risk Major Lawrence's life," she replies stubbornly. "What are we gonna do now?" she then asks. He sees she's deflecting his question.

"Well, first we send those scientists back home then we set to work. We have whole sections of the City to search. Needle in a haystack, especially as we don't know what we're looking for," he sighs. "And you," he adds, glancing at his watch, "should head back to the kitchen."

She winces. "Can't I help?"

He smiles and briefly rubs her arm. "You already have, badass," he teases her. "I didn't think you had it in you but, hey, you surprise me every day!" She blushes at the compliment. "We need to search the City inside and outside," he adds. "And scan tons of data. Tell you what – you get that dinner on the way and then if you're still up to it, I need you in a jumper." She looks befuddled. "Scan the City from the outside. Something the sensors might not have picked up."

She nods and grins at him. "I'll be right back," she informs him before leaving at a run.

He chuckles. She's so eager to help he's not told her he's probably sending her on a wild goose chase.

When she arrives in the kitchen, she's made a decision – one she doesn't like but one that's necessary. She gathers everyone around the long table in the center of the main room and tells them to sit. She waits for the last ones to arrive before she starts.

"Thank you all for coming," she tells them. "Some of you are not on duty tonight and might wonder why I asked you to join us." She looks around and sees she has everyone's undivided attention. "I've made a decision that will allow us to work more efficiently and feed everyone on time."

She stands and removes the menus from the board. "Those," she says, waving them, "are no longer relevant. Our under-cook is no longer with us and I won't be able to manage everything."

One of the preps protests. "But Ma'am, why don't you ask for another one?"

"Because," she explains patiently, "we're still in a situation. It would be best not to bring new people on board. Actually, we're gonna have fewer people on board as it is, so it will make our job easier."

"Are some of us leaving?" one asks.

She smiles. "That's something I wanted to ask you as well. Does any one of you wish to leave? Unessential personnel are being transferred back to the SGC. If any one of you requests it, I'll put in a word for them."

She raises her eyebrows and sees some looking around. "Don't be shy. It's OK. Though you must know you'll still be quarantined there as well and will have to be questioned before you're allowed to return. So?" she asks, looking around.

She sees three of the younger ones raise their hands. She nods benignly. "OK then. Report to the Control Room immediately. I'll inform the SGC."

They file out. One of them stops next to her. "Sorry, Ma'am," he says sheepishly.

She looks up and smiles. "It's OK. I understand. It's pretty scary, what's happening right now. No need to apologize. Go."

She shoos them gently towards the door and calls Chuck to inform him then she turns to the others. "Alright, people, let's get started. I've decided to go for simple for the days to come. Sandwiches, Salisbury steak, staples. No fancy desserts. Fruit and jell-o. And for breakfast, we'll resort to the stocks of cereals we have down in the storage area when I don't have time for more. I'll post the menu for the week on the board later on. For tonight, it's turkey sandwiches and salads. We'll make chocolate cake for dessert."

She jots down a list of ingredients for each though she knows that by now, they can all manage it without her. "I'm going to rotate the shifts with one of you at the helm for each so that if I'm busy somewhere else, you can manage. If you don't feel up to it, just say so. I won't get mad."

"Ma'am?" Sanders asks tentatively. "Did you find who killed Sergeant Bailey?"

She nods. "We did. He's being sent back to Earth to be questioned. Believe me, he won't see the light of day any time soon," she informs them, looking anything but the kind boss she normally is.

She stands and calls the names of those who'll be her temporary under-cooks then dismisses those who are not on duty that night.

Sanders approaches her as she heads for the storage area. "Ma'am," he says, looking uncomfortable. "It's a lot of responsibility, filling in for Sergeant Bailey," he tells her.

"And a compliment to your skills, Ben," she counters with a smile. She motions for him to follow her. "I know you have it in you and I trust you."

He sighs. "Kyle was my friend, Ma'am. It feels like I'm taking his job..."

She winces. "Look, if that makes you feel uncomfortable, I'll ask someone else..."

"It does but I'll do it to help – until they send someone else, that is," he replies. He motions to the door with his thumb. "I guess I'll head back in there then." He's ready to leave when he wheels around. "Did Kyle ever tell you about Buckley?" he asks her on second thought.

She shakes her head. "What? No!" She looks nonplussed.

"Said you'd had a run in with him here..." he elaborates.

She rolls her eyes. "Well, yeah, you can say that again!"

"Anyway. He didn't tell me the whole story but when he mentioned it, we were on his shift, with Dave. And I had the impression it pissed Dave off – big time. Is that relevant?" he wonders. "I mean, I never thought about it until today."

"Hell, yeah, it damn is! Thank you, Ben. You've just helped us connect one more dot," she says and taps her headset. "Colonel Sheppard, come in?"

Once she's told him about her conversation with her new under-cook for the night shift, she makes a quick evaluation of the stocks they have and heads towards the jumper bay.

When she returns, the mess hall is almost empty. She's spent three hours in the air, painstakingly scanning every nook and cranny of the whole City's outside areas. The data has been transmitted to Rodney, who's currently working on it.

John, Ronon and Lorne have taken teams of trusted marines and headed to different areas of the City, scanning and searching quarters and labs and sealing every unused part once they've checked them thoroughly. If they want to make sure they're safe, once and for all, they need to be meticulous. The place is huge though and they return both exhausted and with very low spirits.

They all sit in the mess hall and are served a late night dinner. They all have their laptops and tablets in front of them, each having a different task to perform before they allow themselves some rest. She rubs her eyes and closes them for a moment. "Louise, go to bed," John chides her. "We'll manage."

She shakes her head. "I need to finish that first." She switches on her tablet and computer and sets to work, her eyes going from one to the other. She's so focused she doesn't realize he's rounded the table until he sits next to her, his arm on the back of the chair.

"Whatcha doin'?" he asks, peering at her screens. "Multitasking again?" he teases her.

She snorts self-deprecatingly. "Yeah, well, not exactly." She points at her screens. "I downloaded all the files of our new personnel. I'm trying to find a pattern. I want to know if anyone is connected in one way or another to those we've arrested. Those people knew each other, obviously, and I don't see how. Different ages and training and we were never aware of it until it was too late. What have they got in common?" She glances at him and shakes her head. "I know it's probably a wild goose chase and a waste of time."

He smiles at her. "No, it's not. I was going to ask Chuck to work on it when he had a minute. It helps greatly if you're doing it." He kisses the top of her head and returns to his seat. "Keep me posted if you find anything."

She nods and focuses her attention on the screen again, opening several files at the same time and browsing through them, making notes on a pad next to her. She's been at it for over an hour when John looks up and sees her frown. "Got something?" he wonders.

She presses her lips together. "Might, yes. Give me a minute." She jots down a few information on her pad and clicks on several other files, scrolling down the pages until she finds what she's been looking for. She hooks a finger at him. "Come here," she says, grinning.

He rounds the table again and sits next to her. "I was getting ready to order you in bed," he whispers in her ear, making her snort.

"Big girl, ya know," she informs him. "I can burn the midnight oil if I want to."

He snorts. "I'm well aware of that," he replies cockily, making her blush.

She elbows him. "Focus," she chides him. She points at her tablet. "I think I've found how those people met and if I'm right, we'll finally have somewhere to start. OK, so just to follow my reasoning," she explains, and sees him nod, "I tried to find something – anything actually – they had in common. I had nowhere to start so I used Dave and the people he listed as a reference. It was as good as any. It's not much, but..." she says, lifting her finger emphatically, "he worked in a factory in Edison, VA, before joining the Air Force."

John looks at her, nonplussed. "And?"

She chuckles. "And said factory is also on Jameson's file. She was briefly hired to help with establishing new security protocols, as the file says."

John sits up and leans towards her screen. "Uh, uh. Got my attention now, sweetie."

She smirks. "It could have been a coincidence, of course..." She sees him roll his eyes. "But I also checked Wicker's file and it so happens he worked in Seattle in a tower building belonging to..." She lifts her eyebrows. "The same company that owns the plant."

Rodney has sidled his chair next to hers and is peering at her screen. She swats his hand when he tries to pull out a new file and gives him a chiding look. "Know anything about Farrow-Marshall Aeronautics?" she asks him.

He pouts and glances at John. "I know I heard that name somewhere. You?"

John bites his bottom lip. "Rings a bell, yeah." He stands. "I'm calling the SGC," he says and heads for the Control Room.

Louise calls him back. "Don't you want me to check other files before you do?" she wonders.

He shakes his head and looks at Rodney intently. "I'm sure Rodney or Radek can write a program to do it faster."

Rodney nods and grabs Louise's computer, setting to work. She feels suddenly drained and glances at her watch. It's almost midnight and she's been awake for so long, she's not even sure she'll be able to sleep now. She stands and walks to the kitchen doors. "Anyone wants something to drink?" she offers. Rodney raises his hand briefly without taking his eyes off the screen and she chuckles. "Coffee, I take it?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

John joins her a few minutes later. He grins at her and folds her in his arms for a brief moment. "I'm so, so very proud of you, sweetie, and General O'Neill said the same," he tells her.

"He called me sweetie?" she deadpans.

John chuckles. "You're in a good mood," he remarks. Her eyes have finally lost their lifeless quality. He knows she'll have more nightmares in the days to come but at least, helping find who's behind Kyle's murder and her abduction will probably greatly help her recover from the shock. "He said they're gonna pull out all the files they have on all the personnel they've sent here as well as the one at the SGC and see if they can find a pattern."

She pouts. "Did you tell him about Buckley?" she worries. "Cause if he's part of all this, then there might be more people out there than the current personnel on the Stargate programs," she points out.

He nods. "I told him, yes. They'll see to it as well but it might take a while."

She sighs. "I'm worried, John. What if the SGC is no longer safe?"

They head back to the mess hall with trays of food and coffee for everyone.

He nods again. "O'Neill is well aware of that. Said Farrow-Marshall's vice-president was Charlotte Mayfield."

She lifts her eyebrows. "Why does that name ring a bell?" she wonders.

"Because," he drawls, "you might have heard that name when you were at the SGC the last time you were there. She was part of an organization called the Trust." She shakes her head so he elaborates. "Interplanetary terrorist group based on Earth. Ex-NID operatives working hand in hand with Goa'ulds. The Trust is believed to have given them a stronghold after the downfall of the Goa'uld Empire."

She pouts. "Bad guys, uh?"

He nods and sighs. "SG1's bad guys, actually. I mean, we already have our own! That was quite enough as it was."

Rodney cuts him off. "I thought Mayfield had gone MIA, probably KIA, actually," he remarks. "The Trust is believed to have gone inactive."

"It was, until now, that is," John replies. "General O'Neill thinks it might have found a way to resurface."

"So, Goa'ulds on our doorstep?" Louise asks despondently.

"We didn't say that, sweetie. It might have changed hands. The Trust was well-organized. It could have fallen into other hands after Kinsey's and Mayfield's demise."

"What are our orders, Sir?" Lorne asks his CO.

John nods at him. "General O'Neill says to keep on sealing as many sections of the City as we can and keep it on a self-imposed quarantine until we know more."

"So, not going anywhere for the time being?" Ronon asks.

John shakes his head. "I'm afraid not. No missions, no trading as well," he says, glancing at Louise. She pouts. He knows she gets cabin fever when she doesn't go off-world. He rubs her arm affectionately. "Sorry, sweetie. Anyway," he says, turning to his 2IC, "we have enough on our hands if we want to keep everyone safe."

She huffs. "What about the people we sent back? Did they have time to interrogate them already?"

He looks non committal. "Sort of. They did but didn't get anything interesting. Your discovery might speed things up though. Grady still refuses to say how he got his position but they're onto it."

He smiles tiredly and looks at the others sitting around the table. "Look. I say we all call it a day and get some rest."

Rodney nods absentmindedly, his eyes intent on his screen. "Give me a few more minutes. I'm almost done with my program. Once it's ready, I'll let it run while we sleep."

They make their way back to their quarters. Shifts have been organized and it seems to be running smoothly now people have understood the self-imposed quarantine is for their own good. She sees John looks hopeful for the first time ever since she's returned. She, in return, can't shake that feeling of impending doom that's been creeping up her spine for too long. She walks to the window and looks dreamily at the City. He walks up behind her and lays his hands gently on her shoulders. "Ain't you gonna come to bed?" he wonders. "Tomorrow is another big day, you know."

She nods and turns round. "I know..."

"You're thinking about the ceremony?" he worries.

She nods again and looks away. "I wish I could go with him to Earth and be there for his funeral," she confesses.

He pouts. He's organized a ceremony on board for Sergeant Bailey and been told by O'Neill they'll take it from there. "I've been assured by General O'Neill a lot of people will turn up for his funeral. He himself intends to go with Sam and Daniel. Major Lawrence will be there too."

She nods and gulps. "It reminds me so much of Carson's own funeral. It was only him and his mom. As I gathered, Kyle never had a dad around. But at least we were there for Ma. I wish I could do something – anything – for Kyle's mom," she replies despondently.

John closes his eyes for a brief moment. The guilt he sees in her eyes, he knows it's not something that will go away easily. And it doesn't help she's reminded too much of her own son's death too, though she did not mention it. He knows better. Her compassion and empathy for others run deep and, though they make her who she is, they're also one of her greatest weaknesses. He looks her in the eye. "Look, Louise. If it were possible, I'd allow you to go but now it's not safe over there for you either."

She silently nods and trudges to the bathroom. "I'm gonna change for the night. I won't be a minute," she tells him.

"Louise," he calls after her.

She doesn't turn. "I know, John. I understand why I can't go. I do. I just need a moment."

He sighs and sits on the bed. When she exits the bathroom, he's still sitting there, his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair, looking as if he were carrying the world on his shoulders.

She berates herself for putting him through all this. It's not fair to him. He already has too much on his plate. She plasters a smile on her face, hoping to God it won't look fake, and comes to sit next to him. He looks up and tries to smile but his grin turns sour. She pouts. "I'm sorry. I should be counting my blessings instead of feeling so down."

He finally smiles and runs his hand down her thigh. "And I, mine."

She smirks and leans towards him. "Thought I'd heard you say we should get to bed," she teases him.

He grins mischievously. "Yep. Note that I didn't say anything about sleeping..."

TBC

 _Those first chapters didn't allow me to add recipes to the story. It's gonna change in the next chapters, I promise ;)_


	11. Chapter 11

Life, with a little spice 11

"So, McKay," he asks his chief scientist the next morning over breakfast. "What have we got?"

He takes a gulp at his coffee and makes a face. "Wow, man! Who's made breakfast this morning?" he protests.

McKay scoffs. "Obviously not Louise."

His friend sighs. "I let her sleep. She needs it, McKay," he adds, seeing his friend pout.

"I'm not saying she doesn't. Just that we're in for difficult times whenever she's not manning the kitchens. Those guys she chose to fill in for Bailey – they're really not up to it," he points out.

"We'll have to make do for the time being," John tells him. "So, what have you got?"

"Look, Sheppard, "McKay scowls, "we can't work wonders in no time. I only have a handful of people left and I'm rotating them round the clock. I've got hours of footage and tons of data to search. Needle in the haystack, ya' know. Big, intergalactic haystack."

"How long?" John insists stubbornly.

Rodney rolls his eyes. "Days at the most and that's only if we concentrate on that and that alone."

John huffs. "Look. I know you'd much prefer deal with that time machine or the wormhole drive but they'll have to wait. We need to know if we're safe, first and foremost."

Rodney nods. "I know," he replies despondently. "Any news from the SGC?"

John shakes his head. "No. Not since last night but we can't expect them to make progress that fast either." He stands. "I'll leave you to it. In the meantime, I'm resuming our search of the City. Ceremony's at 13:00. I'll see you then."

He's finally woken her so she may have the time to get ready and have something to eat. The ceremony is simple and very short but everyone still on board is there to attend it. The bearers take the coffin to the SGC and return almost immediately. One of them walks to Sheppard and hands him a piece of paper as the wormhole whooshes closed. "General Landry has asked me to give you this, Sir."

John eyes him cautiously and sees Ronon is doing the same. "Something's the matter, Lieutenant?"

The other man shakes his head and winces. "Don't know, Sir. We were not even allowed outside the gateroom. General Landry ordered us to return to Atlantis immediately. Said the note will explain why."

John nods. "Dismissed. Everyone's headed to the mess hall. Join them. I'll be there shortly."

He waits for everyone to leave before he unfolds the piece of paper. Rodney and Ronon have lagged behind and are waiting for him. He motions for them to join him. "Coded message," he tells them briefly. He walks to the consoles and grabs a pencil then writes on the back of the paper and hands it to them. It reads: "All prisoners murdered. No leads. Will contact you later."

Rodney hangs his head. "It runs even deeper than we thought, Sheppard. What are we gonna do?"

"Seal more sections, put the City on a complete lock-down, resume the interviews. Whatever it takes," Ronon answers for his friend and eyes him for approval.

John nods quietly and sighs. "I need to see Louise. She has a right to know." He walks up the stairs to the tech manning the consoles at the moment. "Go get yourself some food. I'll fill in while you do."

The guy nods. "Thank you, Sir. I'll be right back."

"Take your time. We've got work to do here anyway," John replies. He waits for the tech to leave and taps his headset. "Louise, report to the Control Room, please." His voice holds enough strain that she doesn't need to ask to know something is awfully wrong. She puts one of her temporary under-cooks in charge and leaves at a run, shadowed by Shep who's not left her side ever since she woke up.

John then calls his wing-man and asks him to bring Zelenka with him. He turns to his two friends. "We need to discuss what's next," he winces. "I know a certain lady who's not gonna like our new security protocols."

"You got to be kidding me, right?" she yells, slapping her hands on the conference room where they've moved the meeting. He can't help smirking. She's so very different from the shy little lady who'd sat in that very room for her first briefing more than five years ago. She points at him accusingly. "And don't you dare smirk, Mister!"

She hears Lorne snort and turns to him, glaring. "Evan," she warns him. He presses his lips together and glances at his CO. He sees his lips turn up just a tad and knows he'd better look away before they both snort again.

"I wish I were, sweetie," John tells her, sobering up. "Look. It's neither our fault nor the SGC's," he tries to explain patiently.

She huffs. "I had promised these people they would be safe and now not a single one is alive to tell us what the hell is happening."

"Language, Léger," he growls.

She rolls her eyes but plods on. "I say our only chance is to go back to that planet and maybe find more clues and you say you want to isolate us from the whole world, including the SGC? What's wrong with you?" she demands.

"General Landry's orders, Louise," Lorne points out. "Colonel Sheppard is only following orders here."

She scoffs, looking royally pissed. "We need answers, Evan! And we won't get any holing up here."

John stands and stares her down. "You're not this City's leader, sweetie, so heed my words. You do as you're told. Period. I'm issuing new orders as of now and they're good enough for anyone on base, including the leader's girlfriend," he points out, his eyes boring into hers.

She looks away, blushing. She knows he's referring to her tendency to always try and bend things to her will. She rolls her eyes and stands. "Are you done already?" she huffs.

He pouts. She's acting like a damn teenager again. He waves her towards the door. "Yes, Louise. You may return to your beloved kitchen but stay there until I come and get you."

She huffs and stomps to the door without so much as a goodbye.

Lorne raises his eyebrows. "She's even more feisty than usual, Sir," he remarks to his CO.

"Yep," Sheppard scoffs and gets himself looks of sympathy. He huffs. "I'm good, you guys. She'll come round... Soon enough," he adds despondently.

She doesn't see him much in the days that follow. He's assembled teams of military and scientists alike he feels he can trust and they're working on painstakingly sealing whole sections of the City. He mostly sleeps in his office and has ordered her back in her former quarters where he can keep an eye on her. She's begged to help but he's adamantly refused to let her, contending she's more useful minding her own staff. Shep now stays with her at all times as does her P14 she carries with her everywhere – Colonel Sheppard's orders.

He has conference calls with the SGC every day but they haven't made progress so far and he hardly has any good news to send their way either. They've endeavored to interview more people and she has too – devoting most of her free time to scouring the files of her own staff and summoning them one by one. So far, she hasn't made progress.

"Would you like me to prepare something for you, Ma'am?" her current under-cook asks her. She realizes she's zoned out again, her hand poised over her tablet.

She looks up at him and smiles tiredly. "No, thank you, I'm good, Bill."

He bites his bottom lip. "Ma'am, with all due respect, you've been sitting at that table for three hours straight and it's way past lunchtime," he tells her. He winces. She's in charge and he doesn't want to sound like he's chiding her.

She waves at him dismissively. "I'm OK, Sergeant. If I need food, I can cook it myself, you know," she points out, a little too curtly.

He snorts, making her grin involuntarily. Her job is sometimes a lonely one. She's technically in charge of everyone working in the kitchen and was cautioned a long time ago by Major Lawrence against treating any of them as equals.

Ever since Kyle was murdered, almost a fortnight ago, she's tried to decide how to treat her new under-cooks. With Kyle it was easy. She'd known him for a long while and had chosen him. The new ones have been assigned by default, including Bill Cox because he seemed resourceful. She has to admit all three have worked their asses off to make sure things would run as smoothly as possible.

She smiles at him. "Sorry. I'm a bundle of nerves. And that was nice of you to ask." She stands and walks to the pantry. "You're right. I should eat."

When she returns after having her shot and walks to the walk-in cooler, she sees he's still standing next to the table, seemingly waiting for her. "Do you wish to discuss something, Sergeant?" she asks him kindly.

He shakes his head. "No, Ma'am. I was just awaiting your orders."

She briefly smiles. "My order is for you to get yourself a cup of that coffee you've just made and join me at the table."

An hour later, they're still sitting at said table and conversing quietly, both their tablets propped in front of them, when John ambles into the room. It's almost three and it's the first time she sees him that day. She turns to him and feels all the tensions of the day suddenly leave her. She walks up to him but stops when she realizes they're not alone in the room.

Sergeant Cox takes the hint and stands at attention. "Sir?" he says, awaiting orders. John nods for him to feel free to leave.

Cox nods and turns to Louise. "Would you like me to take up stock for you, Ma'am?"

She giggles. "Yes, do that, Sergeant," she says and points at her clipboard on the table. "I need to know when I'll have to inform Colonel Sheppard we need to implement food restrictions," she banters, eying the latter mischievously.

Cox's lips turn up. "Yes, Ma'am," he says before heading to the transporter.

"Made a new friend, sweetie?" John baits her.

She rolls her eyes. "Don't tell me you're gonna pull that jealousy stunt on me again!" she sniggers.

He wraps her in his arms now they're alone and breathes her in. "Nope, Ma'am. I know you're all mine," he answers cockily, trailing kisses down her neck, making her sigh with content.

"Found the way to my kitchen again, flyboy?" she teases him, kissing him too.

He pulls her flush to him and sighs. "Sorry about that. Don't have much time these days."

She cuddles in his arms, too happy to have a few minutes of his time. "Don't apologize, John. I know you're doing the best you can." He rewards her with a kiss that makes her grow weak. "Will I see you tonight?" she asks hopefully. He pouts and she knows she'll probably sleep alone tonight once more. She tries not to look too disappointed. They haven't spent a single moment together since he came to see her that day they fought in the conference room.

"Do I need to yell at you to get some more angry sex?" she whispers in his ear, reminding him of the yet too short time they'd spent together that afternoon.

He groans and pulls her even closer. She feels him harden and smirks. "I wish I could, Louise," he tells her, crushing her hopes.

She sighs and wraps her arms around his waist, not wanting to let him go just yet. "I need you, John. So much," she confesses. She trails kisses on his chest and he closes his eyes, schooling himself.

"Louise, I can't. And we need to cool down. Shall I remind you there are cameras everywhere?" he chides her.

She huffs and pushes away from him. "Damn, John. You do know how to spoil the fun!" she scoffs.

He sighs. "Louise. I didn't come down here to fight. I simply don't have the time," he huffs, aggravated she won't understand.

She looks ashamed. "Sorry. It's just I miss you. Surely, you need to sleep. I promise to let you. Please, sleep with me tonight," she begs with pleading eyes.

She wakes up in the wee small hours of the morning. John is not in bed with her and she can hear him talking on his headset in the bathroom. She sits in bed as he walks back into the room. They've barely had a few hours sleep – not close enough to make up for their lack of it. He's fully clad and sits on the side of the bed to lace his boots. "SGC's called. They're sending someone," he informs her before heading for the door.

"You were never one for long speeches, John," she banters.

He passes his hand over the sensor, opening the door of their quarters, and turns to her briefly. His eyes crinkle. "Sorry. I would love to sit and chat over a cup of tea," he banters back, making her snort, "but it so happens I need to be in the Control Room when he arrives."

Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline. "So soon?" she wonders.

He shrugs. "They say he's an expert and they trust him. He's agreed to come and help us find any remaining spies on board."

"Who's "he", John?" she insists, seeing his look of worry.

"You wouldn't know his name," he counters. She looks at him expectantly so he elaborates. "Odai Ventrell."

She gasps and it's his turn to look surprised. "I do know that name. Cam told me about him. Worked with him. He's a bounty hunter, John!" she protests. "How can they trust him?"

He pouts. "IOA and Homeworld Security's decision. We have no say in the matter."

"But..." she protests but he cuts her off.

"Louise, I know what you're thinking but my hands are tied. They've finally arrested the assassin that had infiltrated the SGC and it so appears it was thanks to Ventrell's expertise." He walks to the door. "I'll keep you posted. I need to go."

"Wait!" she calls after him. "I'm coming with you."

He shakes his head. "No, you're not. No need for you to come barging in when he arrives," he points out, knowing she'll do just that.

She stands and puts her hands on her hips, royally pissed, and glares at him. "John..." she warns him.

He snorts and his eyes twinkle with mirth. "You're so beautiful when you're angry," he says, looking her up and down appreciatively.

She pouts. "I think I've heard that somewhere already," she retorts.

He waggles his eyebrows playfully. "And it's really a bummer I don't have time for this right now because I love that tiny little thing you call pjs," he adds wickedly.

She feels her temperature rise on cue. "Not fair," she pouts.

"Not fair to me either, sweetie," he reminds her. "I need to concentrate and you're not helping."

She smirks and he shakes his head before heading for the door. "And don't get fooled. When I have a minute, you need to tell me all about how you know Colonel Mitchell to begin with," he says as he leaves the room.

She rolls her eyes and heads for the bathroom. His jealousy is all an act to keep her on her toes now but it does feel good to know he listened. She takes a quick shower and gets ready for her day even though it's much too early.

Harry Blakeley, her third under-cook, is already onto it when she arrives in the kitchen, making coffee. She hides her disappointment at her arriving too late. The guy knows how to do many things but coffee is definitely not part of those. She's already had enough complains in her inbox to make her ponder coming clean about it but he's so eager to help, she's been reluctant until now.

She tsks and walks up to him. "Morning, Sergeant," she greets him. "I'd like to have a word..."

By the time the staff has arrived, she's made him prepare several pots that have ended up in the sink. The fourth one is finally acceptable and she decides to leave it at it for the moment. She nods at him and directs her attention to the rest of the staff though her mind wanders at moments to John's office and the newcomer.

She hated the whole idea of having Atlantis cut off from the rest of the world but she hates it even more to know they're bringing in a stranger amongst them. Who knows what trouble he can get them into? She smirks thinking it's exactly what she'd thought about John at first but she also remembers Cam's words about Ventrell and bounty hunters in general.

" _No matter how hard you try not_ _to_ _be judgmental and_ _condescending_ _with them, Louise, those people will never change. Deep down, they can't be trusted. It's in their deepest nature to betray, even those they call their friends," he'd told her._

It's only later during the morning shift that John drops by with a tall, muscular man who seems to be sporting a permanent frown on his face. She looks at them from afar, pondering getting nearer but not daring, in case she'd get on John's wrong side again. He looks up and smiles at her briefly then steers the newcomer towards the buffet. He introduces him to Louise. The other man nods quietly at her, watching her, but not uttering a word. He could make a duet with Ronon, she sniggers inwardly. "Can I serve you anything, people?" she offers.

John pouts. "Did you make coffee?" he asks hopefully.

"Blakeley did," she counters him and sees him scowl. She giggles. "Under my supervision," she adds. "Would you like some?" They both nod. She adds a couple of blueberry scones on their trays, not asking. Ventrell lifts his eyebrows at it. She rolls her eyes. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day," she tells him. Ventrell snorts.

"Wait till you taste her food," John advises him and winks at her. "Thanks, sweetie," he adds, surprising her. They're almost always "Colonel" and "Chef" when in public. She sees Ventrell smirk knowingly. She makes a face. She really doesn't need to be seen as John's fragile girlfriend.

"Welcome, Colonel," she replies. He nods and heads for a table with Ventrell in toe.

She comes round some time later to offer them more coffee. John draws a chair for her. She pouts, embarrassed. "Sit, Léger. Ventrell here knows about you. No need to keep up pretense. Besides, there are things we'd like to discuss," he adds.

She smiles briefly and sits next to him. She folds her hands on her lap and waits, observing the man on the other side of the table. He's looking at her intently. "What?" she finally demands, feeling awkward.

He sneers. "Nothing. Am I making you nervous?" he asks pointedly.

She winces. The guy does have something in him she doesn't like. She knows she might be too quick to judge, especially as Mitchell had warned her against his kind, but she can feel that fear creeping up her spine again. "I guess. Mitchell told me about you," she tells him truthfully.

He lifts his eyebrows. "And he told you I was a bad guy, never to be trusted, right?"

She shrugs. "Might have. Why did they send you here?" She asks him.

"You're not one to beat about the bush," he remarks.

She shrugs again. "It saves time. And I'm not very patient. So?" she demands.

"Louise," John chides her.

She turns to him, exasperated. "You guys wanted to talk to me, so talk! I don't have all day."

"You're the key to this whole thing, obviously, Ma'am," the bounty hunter tells her. "I agree with Colonel Sheppard that for the moment it would be unwise to gate back to the planet where you were to be abducted..." She rolls her eyes. "But I'm sure there's plenty of information we can find right here and I need you to help me. Colonel Sheppard has agreed to lend you to me," he adds, making her eyebrows shoot to her hairline, so he adds, sniggering, "So to speak..."

 _TBC_

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook:_

For 8 scones:

2 cups flour, sifted

1/2 cup sugar

2 and 1/2 tsp baking powder

2 pinches baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 cup butter, frozen then shredded with a fork

1/2 cup heavy cream

1 egg

1/2 cup blueberries or dried cranberries with a Tbsp orange juice

Mix the first 5 ingredients. Add the butter and beat with the flat hook of the kitchenaid then add the cream and egg. Do not overwork the dough.

Add the fruit.

Make a ball then press into a disk on a dusted surface. Cut in 8 and separate.

If you want different fillings and glazings, make individual scones at once and shape them with a knife into triangles.

Put on a baking sheet and sprinkle with light brown sugar.

Bake for 20 mn or until golden and cooked through.

Cool then glaze by drizzling the glazing on the scones with a tablespoon.

 _Basic glazing:_

1 cup confectioners' sugar

3 Tbsp cream or half-and-half

1/4 tsp vanilla extract

Whisk and add 1 Tbsp orange juice and 1/2 tsp orange zest for the cranberry/orange version or 1/2 Tbsp lemon juice and 1/2 tsp lemon zest for the blueberry version.

These scones can be frozen very easily in ziploc bags and thawed overnight in the fridge. Warm them 15s in the microwave oven before eating.


	12. Chapter 12

_SGA Life, with a little spice 12_

"Get off my back, damn it!" she yells, exasperated, and turns to face him, a spatula full of chocolate ganache still in hand. "Don't you see I'm trying to work here?" She only gets a self-satisfied smirk in return as he eyes her, waiting for her next move. She tries to cover her embarrassment at feeling stupid and totally non-threatening by throwing said spatula in the sink nearby and pointing at the door menacingly – or so she hopes.

"Get out! Just get out!" she says through clenched teeth. He crosses his arms over his chest and smirks once more but doesn't budge. She huffs impatiently and taps her headset. "Colonel Sheppard, please come in," she demands.

"Uh, uh," is all she gets in return. Obviously it is not a good time to ask for his undivided attention but when is it these days?

"John, I know you're busy but I am too," she insists. "Please tell Mr Ventrell I need my peace and quiet to do my job properly..." she tries to explains patiently. She waits for an answer that does not come. She taps her foot impatiently. "John?" she growls.

She hears him sigh and can imagine him pouting, wherever he is. "I'll be right there, Léger. Sheppard out." This does not bode well. He seems more pissed at her than he is at the reason for her call.

She's been patient. She has, really – for the last ten days that Ventrell has been on board – but enough is enough. Not only has he not made any progress but he's been pestering her ever since he's been on board, contending that she is the key to the whole matter, and has spent all his waking hours – and hers, it seems – asking her to play it again for him, over and over again.

She knows if he asks one more question – just one – about anything that happened since this whole nightmare started, she's going to go wacko – three French fries short of a Happy Meal, as Jack O'Neill puts it.

She turns to Ventrell and sees his smirk still plastered on his face and wants nothing more than to wipe it off but there are too many witnesses for her to lash out at him – preps working on the evening meal that need to have a cool and collected leader in this time of crisis, not the shrew she feels bubbling up just under the surface and begging to be unleashed – so she just gives him a very fake smile and a tilt of her head for good measure.

"What is it, Léger?" John ambles into the room and nods briefly at Ventrell before turning to Louise. The preps drop whatever they're doing to stand at attention. He waves them off. "As you were, people. Return to your work stations."

They do as told but not before some bolder than others glance at the chef. They've learned from the beginning of this mission that Colonel Sheppard walking into the kitchens is hardly ever good news and that those two are like fire and water. And their boss might have to share them with the leader of the expedition but whenever they're in the kitchens, they're supposed to be her staff and hers only.

She tilts her head to the work stations, silently ordering them to proceed. John doesn't say a word but he's not blind and she sees him wince. This is something he never had to deal with before he became the leader. Woolsey had warned him it could be tricky and he had waved it off, thinking Louise and him would find common ground. It so appears things are never that easy between them. Regardless, she stands her ground and looks him straight in the eye, almost staring him down. Obviously, it's not a good day.

"So..." she says, hoping he'll take it from there and ask Ventrell to leave her be.

John pouts and sighs. They've hardly had time to talk ever since Ventrell got on board but he does know she's not happy about the current situation – all of it. Ventrell pestering her, the lack of good news, his spending all his time scouring the city in the hope of securing it and maybe finding the proverbial needle in the haystack... But he trusts the SGC and if they say Ventrell is their best shot at finding what's going on, he won't blow their chances, no matter how annoyed it makes his girlfriend.

"Louise, I can't do what you're asking. Ventrell knows what he's doing. Let him do his job," he replies adamantly, crushing her hopes she might have him off her back, if only for a little while.

She glares at him. "And what about my job, uh?" she defies him. "You of all people should know I need to focus when I work. Not have someone peppering me with questions – which by the way he's asked for hundreds of times already!" she growls, aggravated. "John, I swear. If I can't do my job properly, it's best I don't do it at all. Don't force me to hand out my resignation."

John grabs her arm not too gently and walks her to the door, nodding at Ventrell to follow them. "Let's take this to a quieter place," he says and leads her to the balcony outside the kitchens.

She frees her arm impatiently and turns to him, her back to the ocean. She folds her arms on her chest defensively and tilts her head up in defiance. "Stop undermining my authority in front of my staff, John!" she barks.

He winces. "When you stop undermining my authority in front of mine!" he counters. "I'm the leader. I thought we'd agreed on that. I make decisions that can't please everyone – including you – but I make them for a reason. I say Ventrell is allowed to pester you. You don't question my decision. Period, Léger!" he barks back, advancing menacingly on her. "I thought that, of all the people on this expedition, you'd be the one who'd see it most clearly – how important it is we catch whoever is behind all this asap," he adds, aggravated.

She shudders at the way he's staring her down. They haven't fought like this in a long while and though it still gives her nightmares to recall how the other John from the future had treated her at first, it's her John here and that makes a whole world of difference. He looks more authoritative, colder too, and she fears the events of the past month may have changed him irrevocably.

She lays a hand tentatively on his forearm. "Can we talk about this in private?" she asks, her voice soothing though she feels anything but appeased at the moment.

She glances at Ventrell who has not said a word since they've stepped outside. He's watching them both, as if evaluating them, gauging their reactions. She shudders once more.

"Nothing that Ventrell cannot hear, Louise," John counters her.

She sighs and feels yet another headache loom at the back of her head. She massages her neck and closes her eyes for a second then she turns to Ventrell instead. "Look. As I told John, I can't work like that. Your questions are leading us nowhere. Why don't you go and interview other people? I don't know what it is you did back at the SGC but you did catch the assassin. Why don't you use the same methods here? Why are you bullying me?" she adds tiredly. "I complied and answered your questions numerous times but it's leading us nowhere. What do you expect to get by pestering me like that? I'm not the damn killer! I'm a victim here and you make me feel like I'm responsible for this whole mess," she says despondently, her voice dropping to a whisper.

She's exhausted and on the verge of tears. She sees John approach her, looking uncomfortable as always when tears are involved, but she stops him with a raised hand. "Don't," she says resolutely. "I don't need a shoulder to cry on. I need answers and a solution to the problem at hand."

He takes a step back and winces. Louise has never been easy to handle. Now he's feeling like he's walking with a live grenade in his pocket.

"I pledge to differ, Ms Léger," Ventrell answers her. She tilts her head at him, waiting for him to elaborate. "Whether you like it or not, you are responsible for what is happening right now."

She gasps and John feels the need to intervene. "Now, wait, Mister..." he growls.

Ventrell lifts his hand. "Let me finish. I think we can all agree Ms Léger is at the heart of the matter and I'm sure she won't deny it." He lifts his eyebrows at her expectantly.

She hangs her head. He's got a point. She said it herself. Whatever the hidden agenda their enemy has, she's somehow connected to it.

"I'm not pestering you to get on your wrong side, Ms Léger," he adds for her benefit. "I can feel there's something we haven't uncovered yet – something crucial that may well lead us to what and who we're looking for. I'm pestering you because you're resisting me. And I'm not saying you're doing it on purpose. Your mind refuses to let us access the information we need to solve the puzzle. I had hoped that, in time, making you relive the events over and over again would lead you to unlock that memory. I can see that it won't happen."

He turns to Sheppard who's been listening to him intently. "I think it's time we take the investigation to the next level."

She sees John bite his lower lip – the sign he's pondering a difficult decision. She sniggers to hide her unease. "You guys intend to torture me?"

Ventrell ignores her quip and turns to her. "I intend to use the same method I used at the SGC. Bring in a To'kra lie detector and use it on you. Out of respect for Colonel Sheppard here and of compassion for what you've gone through already, I'd agreed to wait and see if the truth would resurface on its own but we need answers now. We've been very lucky no other spy has been given a window of opportunity to strike again on board but I believe it's only a matter of time. Anyway, you said it yourself if I recall properly – we can't remain cooped up like this forever."

He turns to Sheppard. "You can make the decision or I can call the SGC and IOA for confirmation of my orders."

John winces.

"What about you ask me instead?" Louise scoffs. "I'm well aware of what a Za'tarc detector is, Mr Ventrell. I read the report and Daniel – I mean Dr Jackson – told me about it." John looks up and she sees but the trace of unease at the mention of her friend's name. The unpleasant memory of yet another fight they'd had over her friendship with the archeologist apparently still looms over their own relationship, no matter what.

"You're saying you're ready to take it willingly?" Ventrell asks, clearly surprised.

She glances at John and gives him a tired smile. "I'm saying if that's what it takes for you to get off my back, yes, I will do it. I just wonder..." she adds, locking eyes with Ventrell.

He nods for her to go on. "When you're done with me, who's next? Am I the only one to be interrogated or do you intend to use it on other people?"

"Why?" he asks bluntly.

"You said it yourself. You deem me responsible for what is happening right now. Did the IOA send you here to find a reason to remove me from Atlantis and use me as a scapegoat?" she prods.

John huffs. "Louise," he chides her. "They let us come here. They approved the mission and your presence here on board. Why would they have a sudden change of heart?"

She shakes her head slowly. "Don't know, John. Just asking. They've changed their mind so many times over the years, I wouldn't be surprised – in the light of recent events – if something had come up that would make them want to make a few adjustments..."

"To answer your question, Ms Léger," Ventrell cuts her in, "I was hoping you'd be the example to follow. I was ordered to interrogate the whole base, should nothing else come up to help with the investigation."

The ball is in her court now. She nods her assent. "Very well," he goes on, seemingly satisfied he's reached his goal. "I'll inform the SGC." He turns to Sheppard and nods at him briefly then exits the kitchen quietly.

John shuffles his feet. "Are you sure you wanna do this?" he asks her, looking anything but comfortable with the idea. "I was told it's a pretty unpleasant experience."

She scoffs. "As if I had the choice!" Then she amends, feeling she's not being fair to him. He's got a city to protect and so does she. "At least I know what to expect."

He nods silently and looks away then he trains his gaze on her. "I didn't know you had such an extended knowledge of SG1's missions," he mentions in passing.

She shudders, feeling uneasy, as if she had done something wrong. "I like stories, John. You of all people should know that."

He scoffs. To be fair, he knows she reads anything she can lay her hands on and when action and mystery are involved, not even he can make her lay a book down until she's read it all. But he has to ask anyway. "How did you come across SG1's files?"

She huffs, feeling cornered. She shouldn't have to explain herself. "I thought you trusted me, John," she counters, locking eyes with him.

He raises his hands in mock surrender. "I do, really, I do. I just wonder, that's all."

She presses her lips together and shrugs despondently. She doesn't like to talk about the times she's had to stay at the SGC. Not that it's all bad memories but it's memories that do not include him – her secret garden. "Daniel told me about some of their missions. General O'Neill did too. He let me read files. I guess he was testing me – making sure I would not snap out here. There wasn't much to do anyway, seeing as I was not allowed off base. I got caught up in the 'stories'," she adds making air quotes. "The best story ever, John. That is, until I came out here..."

She gazes outside at the City's spires and he refrains from saying what's on his mind – that he wishes they'd met earlier, that he envies Daniel and O'Neill for meeting her before he did. Now is not the time to break the spell that has seized her at the mention of the City. Because if there's anything he should be jealous of, it's not another man but the place they've come to call home. Sometimes when she looks at the City at night from their quarters' window, he tells himself that she would probably not hesitate to sacrifice herself for her and that scares him.

"You don't need to be scared, Ms Léger," Ventrell tells her with a brief smile that looks anything but reassuring. She nods quietly though she's anything but calm inside. It's a few hours later and he's summoned her to the conference room to be the first to take the test. She's still got that headache and has brought her mug of coffee with her. She sits it on the table next to her but knows she'll probably leave it untouched – the smell making her queasy. Coffee is usually her duct tape – her solution to everything – but she's too wound up and tired these days and even her morning coffee has been replaced with green tea.

Ventrell finishes attaching the sensors, turns the machine on and sits in front of her. "I'm going to ask you a few questions to calibrate the machine and then we'll go through those questions I've already asked you. Be as truthful and thorough as possible in your answers. Anything you think about, just say it. Don't leave anything out or the machine will deem you as a potential threat. Am I being clear?" He looks her in the eye.

She bites her bottom lip nervously and glances towards John who's sitting further down the table. He gives her a smile he hopes is reassuring and nods for her to go on. She turns to Ventrell. "Yes. Let's get this over with," she adds resolutely.

He starts by the obvious – her past life, the things she'd originally hidden from John. He nails them one after the other – cruelly – reminding her of the loss of her husband and child, her run-in with alcohol, her refusal to connect to people... Once he's established she's ready for more, seeing how open she is about her past, he fires up the questions he's already asked her dozens of times since he's come on board. He's already warned Sheppard that it's a wild shot and the machine cannot work miracles – if it's buried too deep in her subconscious, she might not be able to recall the events that have led her to her disappearance. But the machine seems to be telling him the contrary – there is indeed something she refuses to acknowledge.

He frowns and Sheppard comes to stand behind him, peering at the screen too. He's asked her if – to her knowledge – there's something that happened back then, in the future, that would change things right here, right now. The machine has only given out blue shades until now – until he's tried a different angle and talked about the future that won't happen now.

It's undeniably there though flickering back and forth from blue to a very pale pink at moments – as if her conscience were refusing to admit it. He glances over his shoulder at Sheppard who's looking from the screen to Louise. It's the first time he sees the trace of a doubt in his eyes. They've had countless conversations about his girlfriend and he's always been adamant that he trusts her a hundred percent – until now. It's an opportunity that might not present itself again. He looks back at Louise who is rubbing her forehead – the telltale sign she's gonna need a recess soon. He pushes a bottle of water towards her. "I see you're tired," he tells her kindly.

She looks up, nonplussed. The guy is never kind, for Pete's sake! And she knows something is up though she has no clue what's going on because, to her knowledge, they're not making any progress.

"But we need to finish first," he adds, crushing her hopes. "You're hiding something from us, obviously..." He lets it hang in there.

She frowns and looks up at John who averts his gaze, refusing to look at her. "John..." she pleads. "I'm tired and need to check my sugar level. Can we have a short recess?"

He trains his gaze on her, his jaw twitching characteristically. "Answer the damn question, Louise, and we'll have that recess. What are you keeping from us?"

She shakes her head, hurt. "How could you possibly believe that I'm not being truthful to you, John?" she says, her voice strained.

"Maybe not voluntarily but the machine's never wrong and you know it damn well," he counters her.

She hangs her head and remembers General O'Neill's cryptic words. _Suffice to say that damn machine knows you in and out, even more than you do yourself. Pretty scary, if you ask me,_ he'd told her.

"Anything, Ms Léger," Ventrell insists. "Even the slightest nagging doubt. You've got to tell us. It might not be important but it could very well be..."

She closes her eyes, wishing things were different and she could have mentioned this to John in other circumstances and not in front of a perfect stranger.

Ventrell's eyes are locked on the machine. "The more you wait and ponder it, the more the machine is saying you're a liar, Ms Léger," he warns her.

John glances at the screen and sees it's getting a deeper shade of pink by the minute. "Louise," he growls.

She cringes. "I... John, look. It's been at the back of my mind ever since I came home. It's just one of those stupid fears I sometimes get. Nothing tangible. Anyway, I haven't had time to check it out..."

He glares at her. "Spit it out, damn it! You're scaring the shit out of me! What is it?"

Ventrell keeps his eyes on the machine, not wanting to interrupt – not needing to anyway. It's obvious he's made the right choice interrogating her first and foremost. He'd known it all along – whatever she's hiding, whatever happened to her, might very well bring out the demise of the whole expedition.

She keeps her head down, not daring to look her companion in the eye. "I might be pregnant, that's what," she finally says as in a trance – the words leaving her mouth feeling utterly alien to her.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

_Life, with a little spice – Chapter 13_

 _Previously, in chapter 12... "I might be pregnant, that's what!"..._

How can that be happening? After all she's been through. The reality of the mess she might be in hits her like a ton of bricks. "Can we have a recess now, please?" she asks nervously and raises to her feet, her hands gripping the side of the table.

John is still staring at her, apparently still trying to process the whole thing. "Please?" she repeats, locking eyes with him.

It's Ventrell who answers her. "Of course, Ms Léger," he tells her gently.

"Who's the father?" John cuts him in sharply.

Louise sits back in her chair slowly, feeling her head spin. "If, and only if what I suspect is not a figment of my imagination, John, you are. Or at least it would be wise to surmise the future you is."

She is relieved to see Keller arrive shortly thereafter. John has not made a move to join her on the other side of the table and the staring match he's putting her through is getting more uncomfortable by the minute. Jen takes her vitals and hands her a couple sugar cubes before she tells her she's going to take her to the infirmary. "Your blood pressure is way below normal," she informs her worriedly. "No way you're walking there," she adds, seeing her stand wobbly on her feet.

"Not before we've finished this conversation, Doc," John counters her, making her raise her eyebrows disapprovingly.

"Not your call, Colonel," she informs him sternly. "She's not answering any more questions until I've run some tests and made sure her pressure is back to normal."

"You might want to add a pregnancy test to your check up then," he sniggers, making her head snap up in surprise.

"I beg your pardon?"

He waves towards Louise. She looks away. "My girlfriend – the one person I thought would never betray me – has 'forgotten' to tell me she might be pregnant with the other me!" he sniggers.

"I said I wasn't even sure!" Louise snaps, exasperated. "It's just me being my worry wort self, John, and you're making a mountain out of a molehill!"

"You should have come to me! We're supposed to share everything, trust each other!" he barks back, looking hurt.

She stands and points at him accusingly. "And when should I have come to you, John? 'Cause you're never available for me these days! Wanted me to send you a memo, perhaps? I can imagine the content of my message – _Chef to Colonel Sheppard. Sir, I'd like to inform you that I might be pregnant with you – I mean, not you exactly. Could you please make time for me in the weeks to come so we might discuss this? Yours truly, bla bla bla!_ " she sniggers.

Jen lays a hand gently on her arm. "Louise, let's check this out. No need to work yourself up over speculations," she offers, hoping some time away from each other will diffuse the situation between those two.

Louise looks at John expectantly. In spite of all, she wants him to know she knows he's the one making decisions here. He waves at her tiredly to do as she sees fit but does not follow them when they leave the room.

Jen rubs her back affectionately. "He'll come round. It's a pretty big shock for him, ya' know," she tells her friend.

"And for me!" Louise counters her. "I can't be pregnant, Jen," she whispers hoarsely, "I can't. Not after Gabriel. I wouldn't be a good mom. Actually, I would be horrendous. I sucked at it the first time but it would be awful to have to raise a child again."

Jen stops her with a hand on her arm and turns her gently to face her. "I don't believe a word of that BS, Louise. I'm perfectly sure you were a good mom. And I know you'll be a great mom if you're indeed pregnant," she adds with a reassuring smile.

Louise gulps. "If I am, Jen, the father is not John. Not the John from now. I can understand he's so angry. It was hard enough as it was – coping with all this – but knowing the child is not his..." She looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

Jen huffs. "You've got to stop worrying about might be's, ya' know. I say we check it out and go from there. Sheppard needs time to process all this and when he does, he'll show up in my infirmary," she says confidently, nodding.

He does walk in the infirmary almost an hour later and crosses his arms on his chest. He looks at her expectantly. "So?" he demands impatiently.

Jen rolls her eyes. "My preliminary tests confirm her suspicions. I still need to check it more thoroughly but it does appear she's a little over one month pregnant."

He closes his eyes and rubs the back of his neck. "How can that be possible?" he demands, looking pissed.

She's tempted to snigger but refrains from telling him about birds and bees. "We overlooked it when she came back because she seemed perfectly fine but we should have taken into account the fact she had disappeared for a whole three years. Her implant was supposed to be replaced during that period. I'm sorry, Colonel. I should have checked it out," she amends.

He pouts. "And what good would it have made? She'd still be pregnant," he counters her.

"But you wouldn't have learned it that way," she sighs.

They both fall silent, not knowing how to tackle the elephant in the room.

"Can I see her?" he asks.

She shakes her head. "Not if you intend to yell at her, Colonel, no. She's an emotional wreck right now. You're not the only one who needs to process all this."

He bites his bottom lip. "Has she told you what she wanted to do?" Jen lifts her eyebrows. "I mean with her pregnancy..." he adds uncomfortably.

She shakes her head. "It's not for me to say, John. You two need to discuss it. I have no say in the matter. But whatever her decision is, you must understand I will respect it and you will have to as well..." Of all the unfortunate discussions she knew she might have on the job, this was really one she had hoped she'd never have to have.

"Of course," he replies noncommittally.

He informs Ventrell Jen refuses to let Louise return to the conference room. The ex-bounty hunter smirks and tells him Jen has already told him in no uncertain terms he won't be allowed near her patient in the near future. "I've taken the liberty to call a few people already for the next interrogations," he tells Sheppard and shows him the list he's holding. "I'll be at it all day and in the days to come I might require your help to assist me. I've put you and Dr McKay and Zelenka on the list so you might replace me when I need to rest. If we establish a rotation, we should be able to see everyone in a little more than ten days..."

John nods tiredly. "You're the expert here. I'll let you run the show. I already have enough on my plate." He motions in the direction of the mess hall. "Need to run there first and see who's taken over. Dr Keller has forbidden Louise to return to the kitchens until she clears her."

Ventrell nods and returns his attention to his list. "Just make sure you drop by as soon as possible so I can clear you," he reminds him as Sheppard leaves the room.

Actually, John doesn't mind working double-shifts – adding a few more hours to his already very busy and long days. At least, while he concentrates on the screen of the Tok'ra device, he doesn't have to think of the impossible but necessary conversation Louise and himself are gonna have sooner or later. Because he doesn't know what to make of all this. Because he's still pissed for so many reasons, most of which he knows are clearly not good ones. But most of all because he's scared of what lays ahead. Louise was always adamant she didn't want another child and he'd respected her decision. Now it seems their world is being turned upside down once more.

He gets a call from Keller telling him she's cleared Louise from the infirmary with the order to take it easy and get a good night's sleep but when he returns to their quarters, she's not there. He ponders calling her but thinks better of it. She probably needs time to regroup and he surmises she's walked back to the kitchen or their balcony. Shep shadowing her everywhere she goes, he doesn't worry at first but when she fails to appear after a whole hour, he finally connects to her channel. "Louise, it's John."

He gets static at first but she finally answers tiredly. "Yes?"

"Are you alright?" he asks then winces. It's hardly the question he should ask right now.

She scoffs then amends. "Yes, I'm OK. I needed time to myself but I guess you want us to talk..."

He bites his bottom lip. "Take your time," he offers. "I've returned to our quarters. I'll be waiting for you."

A pause then she sighs. "I'll be right there."

As she enters their room, they look awkwardly at each other. Neither is good with that kind of thing. He's not much of a talker. She's often guarded when it comes to sharing her feelings. They never say "I love you" or show their affection in public. They just are and it's quite enough for them.

He's fought hard to get past her defenses when he himself knows a thing or two about building walls around his own heart. But they'd found a balance – finally – and had imagined they'd remain like this forever.

She looks away uneasily. He sighs and walks up to her. He feels like scampering off when he sees the red rims under her eyes that tell him she's been crying. He takes her hand in his instead and leads her to the bed. He makes her sit and sits next to her. She winces. "I'm sorry I kept that from you, John," she starts.

He stops her with his raised hand. "I don't want apologies, Louise. I wish things had been different but we'll have to make do. Right now, I want to know what you wanna do."

She chuckles humorlessly. "You're not one for long talks, are you?" He pouts.

He's pondered telling her about the maelstrom of emotions he's been through all day but Jen's words come back to him – loud and clear. Louise makes the decision here. Her body, her call. Of course he agrees to that but there are so many things he'd like to tell her before. If circumstances were different, he might find the courage to do so. But not now. He should have told her right away – in the conference room. Now he feels he's lost the right to do so.

She looks at him but all she hears is his early accusation of betrayal. In a sense, he's right. She should have told him right away. As for the rest though, she doesn't get it. The child is theirs. It's still his DNA, no matter which version of him fathered the child. She chooses not to point it out, not to say how hurt she is by his reaction.

"I..." she doesn't know where to start. It's so extremely painful to even have to think about it. He nods, urging her to go on. She wets her lips and takes a deep breath. "I don't want to have another child..."

He breathes in, bracing for what's next, but she takes him by surprise. "I don't want him but he's already here. This, I cannot deny. I can understand if you don't want him. Hell, I don't want him either but it's too late for having second thoughts. I should have been more cautious. My mistake, my mess," she adds with a wince.

He lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding and tries to take her hands in his but she pushes him away gently and shakes her head. "I'm not finished here, John. I thought hard about it. What I need to know is if your feelings have changed. How do you feel about him?"

He resolutely takes her hands in his once more. "Louise. It was stupid of me to react that way. You're right. The child is ours. I shouldn't care whose version of me got you pregnant. I'll take care of you both."

She feels a knot forming in her throat, until her breathing becomes almost painful. Her perfect world is tumbling down after only a few months of what she thought would last a lifetime. "I'm not asking you to do what's honorable, John. I just want to know what you want to be for this child. I talked to Jen and Teyla. I cannot possibly raise him. It's beyond my control. I meant it when I said I could not have another child. Helping raise Torren is a different matter but raising another child as my own..." She shakes her head, eyes filled with unshed tears. "It would not be fair to him. Gabriel's ghost would always stand in the way..." She sees the look of incomprehension in his eyes and her bottom lip starts trembling.

"What do you mean, Louise?" he demands, his look darkening. "I don't get it. You want to abandon him?"

She hangs her head. "I'll have the baby and will leave him into your care if you want him. If not, Jen and Rodney have already agreed to adopt him."

He forces her to look into his eyes. He looks both furious and appalled. "And where does that leave us?" he demands.

She shrugs despondently. "There's no us, John. Not anymore. There can't be. I cannot raise the child. You'll always despise me for it. I think it's time we move on." She sees his jaw twitch and knows she's seconds from being yelled at but nothing happens.

He looks away then gets up from the bed. He walks to the door. "I see you've decided for the both of us – as you always do," he sniggers. "I'll raise the child, Louise. And I'll love him for the both of us. I promise you he'll never miss having a mother. I'll be his mom and dad if need be." She gasps at the coldness of his tone. "I'll have my personal belongings removed from this room in the morning. I'll sleep in my office tonight."

He hears her mutter a "won't change a damn thing to your recent habits," before he leaves the room. There's a part of him that still wants to go back and shake her – putting some sense in that thick head of hers. He tells himself Louise is too stubborn to see how wrong all this is for everyone. But by now, he knows you don't talk some sense in her. She sees the light or she doesn't. He'll have to bide his time and hope she comes round.

He walks to Jen's and Rodney's quarters and passes his hand over the sensor wearily, making them know someone is at the door. It whooshes open, revealing a very tired scientist. "Come on in," Rodney offers. "I've just returned from my shift. Before you ask, no one yet is ready for the gallows," he snigger sarcastically.

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

SGA, Life with a little spice - Chapter 14

She cries herself to sleep and barely catches a few hours of restless sleep before her alarm clock wakes her up for her shift. She trudges to the bathroom to shower and get ready for her day.

She reluctantly makes her way to the infirmary because there's no way Jen will allow her to return to work if she doesn't check her vitals first.

"From now on, I want you to drop by in my infirmary every morning. And don't you dare grumble about it, Louise," she's warned her with a look that says she means it.

Louise knows it's for her own good and that of the child. She can't stop thinking about him – how she's gonna have to bear him for eight long months inside her body and still not let it get to her. She needs to put him first and yet not soften at the thought of the life growing inside her. Care but not care. Even if it's John's child. Even if she's spent the last few hours imagining how he'd look like. Or she.

 _What if it were a she,_ Rodney has asked her _. Maybe you could accept to give it a try._

But she knows she can't. She's too scared of not being fair to him or her – comparing them to the child she's lost. She's thought hard about it. She knows most people will deem her cold and heartless for abandoning them but it's for the best. Even for John. Deep inside she knows all men want to experience it – being a father – and by denying him that chance, she's realized she's been selfish all along. He only agreed to relinquish that chance for her sake. It seems fate has decided to find a way around it after all. She scoffs self-deprecatingly. How could she possibly think for a moment things would go her way?

She takes a deep breath and walks into the infirmary. Jen is in a corner, conversing quietly with Rodney. They both turn in unison as the doors whoosh open and give her a small and tense smile. She pouts and walks up to them. "John has come to see you," she says. It's not a question. She knows him well. Jen nods quietly.

It's Rodney who answers her. "Yes, last night, on leaving your quarters. He came to inform us he'd take care of the baby and also that you were on a break," he winces.

She laughs humorlessly. "On a break, indeed. No Rodney, we're not. I've left him, that's what."

Jen pouts and rubs her arm affectionately. "That's not what he said, Louise. He doesn't want to push you but he still has hopes you'll have a change of heart."

Louise shakes her head sadly. "He could never leave well enough alone." She sighs. "Can you check my vitals, please? I need to get to my workstation before my temp under-cooks get bonkers."

Jen makes quick work of it and clears her for the day. "Take it easy though. I can tell from the dark circles under your eyes you haven't slept enough. You supervise the kitchen. You don't take over everything, OK?"

Louise snorts. As if she could! It's in her nature to keep her hands busy when she's upset. "I can't promise you that," she says and gets a reproving look. "But I promise the child will be my priority from now on," she amends. "Is that good enough for you?" she asks her friend.

Jen nods silently. Louise is making efforts and needs to know she's got people on her side.

She hugs them both and walks out, her head bent and her eyes lost in the distance. Jen motions with her head for Rodney to follow her. They lock eyes for a brief moment, silent agreement passing between them.

She hears her name in the corridor as she enters the transporter and turns to see him jog towards her. She tells herself she'd like to be left alone with her brooding thoughts and yet knows he's just being a good friend – a far cry from the prick he'd been at first, years ago, when they'd first met.

He joins her on the transporter. "I was going to get my breakfast. Thought we could sit at the same table," he offers hopefully.

She wants to decline but knows it must be difficult for him too, seeing how awkward the situation is. "I can't promise I'll have the time for that Rodney," she tells him, "but you can have breakfast in the kitchen with me as I work," she offers.

He nods. "But you'll have breakfast too, right?" he insists. "Jen said..."

"I know what Jen said," she cuts him in. "I told you guys – I won't do anything that can endanger the baby's health. I'll have three whole meals a day even if I have to puke it all and start all over again," she sniggers, remembering how very sick she'd been for Gabriel.

He looks away in embarrassment and she can't help chuckling. "Sorry about that. It's not all hearts and flowers – pregnancies. Some women just love it and can't wait to get pregnant again. Some don't..." she explains.

"I take it you don't," he replies.

She shrugs. "Nope. I hated the whole _you can't do this and you must do that_ thing but it can't be helped. I just hope I won't be sick around the kitchen and can work there until my time is due..."

He looks at her horrified. "I sure hope you do! Whatever will happen of us if you can't manage the kitchens?"

She giggles but sobers up quickly as she feels a wave of queasiness wash over her. She closes her eyes. "Here we go again," she mutters to herself.

They end up in the kitchen anyway and once she's had something to eat she can fancy without feeling the urge to run to the bathroom – cinnamon toasts she asks one of her preps to make – she makes herself another mug of steaming green tea and sets to work while Rodney finishes the heap of apple pancakes glistening with butterscotch he's eagerly asked for.

He finally rises to his feet and smiles at her. "Thanks for the meal and the company, Louise. I'd better run to the lab and get some work done before it's my time again to get to the conference room." She winces at the mention of the not so pleasant experience. He looks away.

She sighs. "There's something you want to tell me, Rodney. I know you. Come on, spit it out!"

He sighs too and motions for her to follow him outside. "Look, I know it's none of my business..."

She nods silently. "But I need to say it or it's going to eat at me until I do." She motions for him to proceed, knowing fully well what's on his mind.

"When Sheppard came last night to see us after he left your quarters..." She raises her eyebrows. He sighs and plods on. "He's miserable."

She scoffs. "Yeah, 'cause I'm all peachy!" He gives a reproving look. "Did he tell you that?" she asks.

He shrugs. "You know Sheppard. Not one for long speeches." She laughs humorlessly. "He came to inform us about your decision and his. Louise," he says, putting his hands on her shoulders and turning her towards him so he can look her in the eye, "I might not have great social skills but I know downhearted when I see it. I'm not asking you to reconsider your decision right now but I think you should take time before your seal your fates – both of yours and that of the baby."

She looks away. "I've made a decision, Rodney, and I will stick to it. The earlier John gets over me the better for everyone," she says adamantly. "I know you mean well but yeah, as you said earlier, it's none of your business."

She's remained standing outside the kitchens for a long while after Rodney has left. He's not yelled at her or anything – just looked utterly sad – and it breaks her heart to hurt yet another of her friends but she needs to stay strong and not let them soften her. If she were only doing this for her own selfish purpose, she might be able to suck it up and be miserable for the rest of her life. Heck, she'll definitely be miserable for the rest of her life, no matter what happens now. But it's not her she's thinking about. Children have a way of knowing when they're not wanted or loved and she can't let that happen.

She passes her hand over the wall and sighs, tears welling up in her eyes. She doesn't even know how she'll survive having to leave Atlantis on top of everything else. She's so much more than a home. She's everything anyone could dream of – the word "home" barely enough to describe how it feels to live here. Soon, she'll have to leave it all this behind – everything she'd taken for granted. Being one with her city, having a good man by her side, having friends...

"Will you return to Tahoe when you leave?"

She wheels around and sees Ventrell standing a few feet away, his arms crossed over his chest. She notices he's lost the smirk that's been constantly plastered on his face ever since he arrived. He looks almost... concerned? She shakes her head in disbelief. Ventrell and concern are not words she thinks can be part of the same sentence. The guy only cares about himself.

"Why do you care?" she barks and crosses her arms on her chest defensively.

"Will you?" he insists.

She shrugs. "I can't. It wouldn't be fair. See, my friends have just settled there knowing we'd be gone for a very long period of time, maybe forever." She laughs humorlessly. "I guess I'm homeless."

He gives her a smile – the first she sees grace his normally very arrogant face. "You know General O'Neill won't allow for that. You'll always have a position at the SGC or anywhere in the Air Force."

He walks up to her until he's towering over her and leans a little to level his eyes with hers. "You know that, right? 'Cause from what I've heard while working at Cheyenne Mountain, there are quite a few influential people who like you very much, Louise," he tells her quietly.

She's taken aback by his gentleness but squares her shoulders, hating to look vulnerable and so small. Better be her bitchy self than let him see the real her.

"I don't think I'll have any friends left when they learn I've abandoned my child, Mr Ventrell," she retorts bitterly. "Besides, I don't think Colonel Sheppard would appreciate running into me when he drops by at the SGC."

Ventrell shakes his head sadly. "You're despondent. I understand. I won't pester you again about it. But, for your guidance, Ms Léger, all this act you're putting on is lost on me so you should dispense with it, you know." He bends again towards her and whispers in her ear. "I saw through you the moment I stepped on this base. You love this city. You love Sheppard. And you love your friends. And I'd bet my life on it – you'd do anything for them."

He straightens up and looks around but there's no one within earshot. He smirks seeing how stunned she is. "I know you don't like me and I can connect to your dislike. I'm a bounty hunter – a good for nothing for most people. But I can tell you one thing though. If your friends turn their backs on you when you abandon your child, they're damn fools. Because that's the most selfless thing they'll ever see."

She gapes and he chuckles. "Close your mouth, Louise," he tells her gently. She does as told and blushes. "You've got more guts in your tiny little frame than most guys I know," he adds, patting her arm. "I've gotta run," he tells her. "I need to return to the conference room. If you have time, join me there. I wouldn't mind having you as backup when I interrogate your staff this afternoon."

She combs her hand through her hair tiredly as she watches him amble out of the mess hall, wondering about what just happened. Would it be possible she might have been unfair and judgmental to the bounty hunter just because of his past and reputation? She shakes her head to clear her mind then trudges back to the kitchens. He's said he wants her help with her staff and she realizes she wasn't even aware they were next in line.

She flips open her tablet and accesses her emails and sure enough, there's one with the specifics for today's interviews. She sighs and prints the list then walks to the board where she posts the rotations and menus. Most of those on the list are on the morning shift so she won't have to worry about contacting everyone individually.

As she's browsing the list, her staff slowly makes its way to the board. She turns towards them and sees a few people pale. She smiles encouragingly. "Everyone will have to go through the test, people, and as you know, I've already taken it and I'm still alive," she tells them encouragingly, trying hard to ignore the chill creeping up her spine at the unpleasant memories. "No need to worry. It's just standard procedure. And I'll be with you all along."

They nod quietly and return to their workstation but she can hear them talking in hushed tones to one another. She winces at the thought of having to return to the conference room. All she hopes is she won't have to pair with John on these interviews.

She returns there early so she can talk Ventrell into going soft on her staff and not be his usual, arrogant self. They look spooked enough as it is and she has a city to feed. No need to have a load of suddenly sick people on her hands.

She enters the room cautiously. He's calibrating the machine and has his back turned to her. "Hi," she greets him tentatively. He turns to her and smiles. Apparently, now he's established she's not a threat to the city, his attitude has changed drastically.

"Ms Léger, Louise, please, come in." He motions for her to take a seat next to him. She sits cautiously and waits for the other shoe to drop. He combs his hand through his hair, looking embarrassed. "I don't know what to call you. Ms Léger seems so formal... But I don't want to sound too familiar if you're still pissed at me," he says hesitantly.

She looks up in surprise. "I... I'm not pissed at you. You're just doing your job," she replies graciously.

"That's nice of you to say but I know we started off on the wrong foot and I'm sorry about that. Would calling you Louise be OK?" he asks tentatively.

She shrugs. "Sure, Mr Ventrell. I don't mind."

He smiles in gratitude. "Odai," he says, extending his hand.

She hesitates then shakes it briefly. She falls silent and he crosses his arms over his chest, watching her.

"There's something on your mind," he says, tilting his head.

She pouts. "Things," she corrects him.

He motions for her to elaborate. "One, I'd like to make sure you're not going to spook my preps. I need them to run my kitchen," she tells him.

He chuckles. "I'll try not to. Next?" he says with raised eyebrows. She blushes and falls silent again so he nudges her playfully. "Come on, I won't bite you. I promise."

She licks her lips and sighs. "When we met earlier, you mentioned my decision. I'd not told you about it..."

He nods slowly. "I see. You're worried I have ears and eyes everywhere..." She nods too. "I'm sorry, Louise. I didn't mean to pry. Seeing as you seem to have fired your knight in shining armor," he says, making her blush, "Colonel Sheppard has asked me, among other people, to keep an eye on you. Protect you. He needed to explain the situation but rest assured your secret is safe with me."

She looks him in the eye and tries to smile but fails poorly. "It's no secret, Mr Ventrell," she starts saying and he gives her a reproving look. "Odai," she amends. "No secret at all. I do not intend to lead people on. It would not be right. I don't know how John wants to handle the situation but I guess this "secret" of ours will be out sooner than later."

He sighs. "Sheppard hopes you'll change your mind, Louise," he tells her, echoing Rodney's words. She looks away. "He should stop hoping. It would save everyone time and sorrow," she replies bitterly.

He pouts but rubs her arm affectionately. "I won't talk about it anymore if it upsets you so much but know you can call me day and night if ever you need my help."

She nods quietly then changes the subject. "So, about the interviews..." she prompts.

He chuckles. "Business as usual, uh? I was told you're a tough cookie."

"Cam?" she wants to know.

He nods. "He likes you. A lot." She blushes at the compliment. "Said you were the best defense this city has..."

She giggles. "He said that? Guess he doesn't remember how small and helpless I am."

He folds his arms on his chest and turns to her. "No, I think he knows exactly what you're capable of, Louise. And if your recent brush with quite a few dangers is any proof of it, I think you'd do anything to defend this city..." He lets it hang in there and waits for her to say something but she remains silent, her eyes lost in the distance. "Wouldn't you, Louise?" he insists.

She looks up, her gaze hard and her jaw set. "Yes, probably," she whispers. "If my life still belonged to me."

They interview a third of her staff that afternoon and everything goes smoothly. At least, it's one less thorn in her side. He's agreed to clear the rest over the next couple of days so she can have them all back on duty as soon as possible.

Shep is waiting for her outside as Ventrell escorts her out of the conference room and to the mess hall for a well-earned late dinner. "It's one cute dog you have here," he mentions as they walk to the buffet, Shep in tow.

She turns to him and sees him bounce with excitement as he knows he's bound to get some extra food from her plate. She's been cautioned against feeding him everything and anything but she still caves in when he asks for bits of cucumber and zucchini, his favorite treats. Sometimes a small piece of bread and once in a while cheese. She nods to Ventrell. "Yes, and he's faithful too." She sighs. "Technically speaking, he's mine but he loves Sheppard to distraction."

"And you're torn between taking him with you or letting him stay here," he fills in for her. She nods quietly. "At least, whatever you decide, you know he'll be loved either way."

She smiles at him, seeing he's gotten her point. She'd love to take Shep with her but she doesn't know yet what will become of her after she has the baby. Dogs need stability and he's already had to move once.

She shakes her head. "It's too early to decide," she replies. "No need to worry about what happens months from now."

He nods quietly and sets bread on her tray then hands a piece to Shep who sniffs at it but refuses to take it. Ventrell looks surprised. "I thought all dogs loved bread."

She giggles. "Oh, he loves bread alright. It's just you two haven't made friends yet. There aren't many people he trusts. If he doesn't trust you, he'll ignore the food you give him, no matter how hungry or greedy he is."

"Sounds logic ," he replies, glancing at the dog who's sat in front of Louise and is waggling his tail enthusiastically as if he were saying _Look how good I was, now can I get something from you_?, "and wise," he adds.

"And cunning," she adds too, making him smirk.

"Yeah, well, didn't want to insult your dog now we've made peace," he says.

"He's cunning alright," she replies with a wink. "That means he's a smart boy." She pats his head. "Aren't you, baby?" And gets an enthusiastic bark in reply. She hands him a piece of bread and sets her tray on a table.

"I need to have my shots," she tells Ventrell. "Feel free to start while I do."

"I'll wait," he counters.

When she returns, she sees him talking to Shep in hushed tones. The dog is still cautious but seems genuinely interested.

"What are you two talking about?" she teases him as she sits opposite him.

He shrugs. "Boy stuff," he deadpans. She lifts her eyebrows. "Sport, the weather, food..."

"Girls..." she prompts wickedly.

He chuckles. "No, I wouldn't dare. Don't know if you guys have already had a serious talk about birds and bees," he says with a wink.

She giggles. "Didn't know you could banter," she teases him.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he says and tucks in his food. He motions with his fork for her to do the same. "Eat, lady," he orders, "that dog of yours has been eying your cucumber salad ever since you left your tray unguarded."

She snorts. "I thought you were guarding it," she counters.

He rolls his eyes. "Hey, I agreed to protect you, not your food!"

She shakes her head and takes a bite at her cucumbers then makes a face. She swallows but pushes her plate away. "What?" he asks, "don't like your own food?"

She shakes her head. "No time to check it myself, remember? With those interviews, I didn't have time to drop by the kitchens before dinner. Obviously, they've botched it again."

He shakes his head. "It's just a cucumber salad, Louise. No one can botch a salad. You slice, you season. Period."

She rolls her eyes. "I beg to differ. This is bitter and hardly seasoned at all." She pushes her plate towards him. "Go ahead. Taste it."

He takes a bite and makes a face too. "OK, got your point." He stands. "What do you want me to get you?" he says, grabbing the plate.

She shakes her head. "Nothing. It kind of made me feel queasy."

He stares her down but sits. "Look, you've had your shots. You need to eat. Carbs at the very least."

She sighs but starts nibbling at her bread. "How come you know about my diet?" she wonders.

"Sheppard told me. He also said where I could find your meds and how to inject them, in case," he replies, wincing as he sees her eyes darkening. "Hey, I only mean well and so does he," he says, lifting his hands in mock surrender.

She scoffs. "I don't like being babied."

"And I won't baby you. Wrong guy for that," he retorts. She chuckles. He draws patterns on his plate with his fork for a while then looks up. "Sheppard said you can't survive without those shots..." he says tentatively.

She winces and looks sad. "That's right. I would be dead in a matter of days."

"How does that work? I mean," he elaborates, seeing her raised eyebrows, "do you always need to carry your meds with you?"

She nods. "Yep, in a cooler. Food too. I don't have a special diet. Just a healthy one. Why do you ask?" she wonders.

He shrugs. "I'd never met someone like you. I was just wondering."

She scoffs. "Yeah, you sure couldn't. For a reason we've not uncovered yet, diabetes is endemic to Earth. No other planet we've explored so far knows about it. Lucky me. That makes me special!" she sniggers but stops short when she sees Sheppard making his way towards them.

She rises to her feet in haste. "I need to check stuff in the kitchen," she explains hastily. "Do you mind if I leave you for a moment?"

His back is to John but he senses his presence and doesn't need to turn to decipher the look of panic in Louise's eyes. He nods. "Go. And leave your tray. I'll take care of it," he offers.

She gives him a look of gratitude and scurries to the kitchen doors.

Sheppard takes her seat and pats Shep's head who's bouncing with enthusiasm. "Sit, buddy," he orders him. The dog's ears droop as he realizes it's not playtime yet. "I'll take you for a walk when I'm done here," John tells him with a smile then his look turns somber as he trains his gaze on the bounty-hunter. "Any news?" he asks him.

Ventrell pouts. "No. Not yet. I've seen all the scientists working on McKay's team this morning and about a third of Ms Léger's staff. Nothing yet but as they say, no news is good news..."

Sheppard nods. "Seeing the bottle half full, Ventrell?" he sniggers.

The other man barks a laugh. "Guess I am."

"And Louise?" Sheppard wonders.

Ventrell shrugs. "What about her?"

John huffs in exasperation. "Has she said anything?"

"Look, Sheppard, if you're looking for good news, I'm sorry to disappoint. It's one very stubborn lady you've got here so don't expect her to change her mind anytime soon. I can protect her. I can't brainwash her. Besides, you've heard her. She's made her decision and you need to respect it, don't you think?" he tells the other man.

Sheppard looks up angrily. "Yeah, well, easier said than done. It's my girl and my kid we're talking about."

"And you won't achieve anything by pestering her," Ventrell counters. "She needs to see for herself how very unhappy she'll be if she sticks to her plan. You can't talk her into changing her mind. You have all your friends plus myself watching her round the clock so she's never left unprotected. Leave well enough alone."

He sees Sheppard ready to cut him in. "Let her realize how miserable she is without you. Pregnant women are needy women. She'll realize soon enough how stupid it was to kick you out of her life and bed," he adds with a wink and sees he's won the game.

TBC

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook_

 _Apple Pancakes & Butterscotch_

 _Apple Cinnamon Pancakes (for about 10)_

 _one big apple or one and a half smaller one, grated_

 _one egg (or for a healthier version, ¼ cup applesauce)_

 _¼ to 1/3 cup milk_

 _2 tsp baking powder_

 _a pinch of cinnamon_

 _1 and ½ cups flour_

 _Add the milk last so you can adjust the quantity for thicker or thinner pancakes_

 _Butterscotch_

 _Butterscotch is different from caramel as it is made with light brown sugar. It can be used in many recipes ranging from cupcakes or muffins to trifles with biscoff and applesauce to New Orleans beignets. My favorite way of using it is ladling it on steaming apple or banana pancakes._

 _4 Tbsp butterscotch1 cup light-brown sugar_

 _¾ cup heavy cream_

 _1 Tbsp vanilla extract_

 _½ tsp salt_

 _In a saucepan with a thick bottom, melt the butte. Add the sugar. Whisk then add the cream and whisk for 10 mn. Add the vanilla._

 _Remove from the stove top. Add salt. It will help bring out the flavor._

 _Cool. Store in the fridge and reheat for a few seconds in the microwave when needed. Can also be frozen in ice cubes trays._


	15. Chapter 15

SGA Life, with a little spice - Chapter 15

She's grateful when Ronon appears on her doorstep the next morning and offers to escort her for her morning walk with Shep. She's used to having a jog to the West Pier and back with him but won't take risks now she's pregnant and yet, Shep needs the exercise.

As he grew up back in Tahoe, she was lucky to have Doug's sound advice and occasional help or she wouldn't have handled him. He might look like a cutie but he comes from a breed that's used to having a job to do and if she doesn't give him his hour of exercise a day, he's bound to get in trouble.

Ronon doesn't talk about her pregnancy or her fallout with John – just walks by her side with his hands behind his back. She sees he's making efforts to walk at her pace and not his. She gives him a tentative smile as they watch the sun rise over the City. "Thanks for the company," she says quietly. He nods sternly, reminding her of Teal'c, but doesn't say a word so she feels forced to ask. "Did John tell you...?" she starts.

He nods. "He did."

"Everything?" she insists, biting her bottom lip. She already knows Jen and Teyla and Rodney do not approve of her decision but have agreed to support her, no matter what. But Ronon and Lorne are Sheppard's 2ICs. She's already had to bear Evan's reproving look last night when she served dinner. She hopes Ronon won't give her the cold shoulder.

He nods again. "If you want my blessing, forget about it, Louise," he says, crushing her hopes. He trains his gaze on her and she shudders.

"Look, Ronon, it was not an easy decision," she pleads, laying her hand tentatively on his forearm. He doesn't shrug her off but he doesn't make a move to comfort her either. "I don't see what's so difficult, Louise," he counters. "He loves you, you love him. Your child is long dead and this one," he points at her belly, "will be here soon. Sounds simple enough to me." Her bottom lip starts quivering.

"Come on," he says, grabbing Shep's Frisbee and whistling for the dog, "we've got to go back."

" _He means well," Jen has countered her when she's told her about Ronon chiding her. "He sees his friend suffer and he knows you're suffering too. I know how hard it's been for you to accept to live again – not just survive another day without Gabriel but Ronon has a point. I think, in his own blunt way, he's trying to push you in the right direction..."_

"Louise, hey, Louise, still listening to me?" Ventrell's voice takes her back to the here and now and she shakes her head to clear her mind.

"Sorry," she winces. "I spaced out, I think."

He chuckles. "Hope you don't do that too often."

She shrugs. "Sorry to disappoint but actually, I do, especially when I cook."

"Well, lady, you're not this afternoon and we need to interrogate all those people," he says, tapping with his finger on the list in front of her.

She sighs and peers at the list. "OK. You're the boss." He smirks and she rolls her eyes. "Don't be so full of yourself, Mister. And don't take it at face value." She waves the list at him. "Have you already met these people?" she wonders. "It would help if they could relax a bit and not see you as the big bad wolf."

He snorts. "No, sorry. I know a few of your people because they happened to be there the last time I walked into the mess hall or kitchen. I haven't even had time to peruse their files. Actually, I was kind of hoping you'd tell me about them."

She rolls her eyes once more. "So if I understand properly, I'm the one doing all the dirty work here!" she teases him.

He shrugs but she sees his lips turn up just a little. "You were so good at it yesterday, I thought why bother?" he teases her in return.

She giggles, relaxing for the first time since her morning walk with Ronon. "All right then, bring them in. I don't have all day!"

"Going somewhere?" he banters.

She gives him a cheeky grin. "I've got a needy little buddy waiting for me right outside the door and if he doesn't get my attention soon, I'm telling you, we'll have plenty of mischief on our hands!"

Blakeley is first and though he's very stressed, the device clears him quickly. The guy couldn't lie if his life depended on it. She sends him back to the kitchens to take over Bill Cox's shift. They see a couple preps while he's gone that they clear as well and then wait for Cox to join them. When he doesn't turn up, she calls Blakeley. "Did you forget to tell Cox to join us, Sergeant?" she asks her under-cook.

He sounds surprised. "No, Ma'am. I reminded him it was his turn. Plus the two preps you mentioned as well. He said he'd be on his way."

A sense of foreboding seizes her. It's the middle of the afternoon and there's hardly anyone in the mess hall and corridors leading to it. Most people are occupied elsewhere. She gulps and turns to Ventrell. "Something is terribly wrong. He should be here by now. Oh God, I don't want to have to live through that again," she whimpers.

He walks up to her and makes her sit. "OK, relax, deep breathing," he orders her gently and rubs her back. "That's it," he says when he sees her relax. He taps his headset. "Sheppard, please come in." He fills him in briefly with what little he has and ends the connection. He turns to Louise. "They're out to find him." He sees her look of pure anguish. "Hey, they will find him. I'm sure he's OK. It's probably some kind of misunderstanding. He might have thought he had time to take a walk while we interviewed the preps. He'll turn up alright."

He sits next to her, takes Cox's file from the pile sitting in front of Louise and flips it open. And stares.

She turns to him. "What?" she demands, her heart skipping a beat.

He doesn't answer her but taps his headset instead. "Sheppard, I advise extreme caution while you search for Cox. Tell your men he's not who he pretends he is. He's extremely dangerous, especially now he knows his cover is blown." She stares at him, not yet getting it. "Yeah," he answers John, "I know of him. Trust agent. Has a bounty on his head. I was never able to catch him... Until now," he adds with a grim smile that makes Louise shudder in spite of herself. For a moment, she'd been able to forget the man sitting next to her is one of the best bounty-hunters in two galaxies and a ruthless henchman.

He turns to her and his smile loses its cruel edge and turns gentle. "Hey, it's OK. We'll catch him." He rises to his feet. "I'm joining the search. Teyla is on her way. She'll stay with you."

He opens the door and whistles for Shep. "Buddy," he tells the dog who's still cautious around him and is waiting for his mistress's order to come and join her, "you stay with your mommy and you guard her with your life. Got it?" The dog turns his head just so then gets into the room before she even has the time to call him. He comes to sit next to her as if saying _See, you can go. I'm taking over._

Teyla arrives a few minutes later and offers to take her back to the kitchen. Every time Louise is upset, she can be found in the kitchen testing some new and usually incredibly difficult recipe to keep her mind busy. Ever since she relapsed in that alternate future, she's told Teyla, comfty recipes she's made ever since she was a child are not enough anymore.

She ends up with several bowls in front of her and her tablet and Teyla can't help smiling at the look of intense concentration on her friend's face. "What will that be today, Louise?" she wonders.

Louise doesn't look up from her perusal of the recipe as she jots down what she needs for her mise en place. "Pie. Something they make in the South-Western part of my country. It's not very difficult to make but it takes time and I've only made it once and that was years ago. Should keep me busy." She takes out two molds from her cabinets. "There are two versions of it, depending on its filling – custard and cherry preserve. I can't decide which one to make..." she adds, tapping her forefinger on her lips.

"So you're going to make both," Teyla fills in, her lips turning up.

Louise shrugs apologetically. "I should be worrying and brooding and in another lifetime, I would have been wild with anguish and would have probably bitten my nails raw but baking, that's what saves me from going bonkers. Always."

Teyla chuckles. "Don't apologize. We certainly don't complain around here when you get into a baking frenzy."

"At least, that's an addiction that has its silver lining," Louise adds to which Teyla nods quietly. She's relieved to see that for the moment, at least, Louise is still able to cling to that.

Teyla sits at the table and observes her as she makes her way through the whole recipe. Louise seems to glow when she bakes and not once does she loses the smile that's on her face. When she finally sets the timer on her oven, it's been more than an hour and that's when she realizes they haven't heard from John or Ventrell.

She bites her bottom lip and sits opposite her friend at the long table in the middle of the room. "Shouldn't we have heard from them by now?" she asks her worriedly.

Teyla gives her a tense smile and calls Chuck. She turns to Louise to fill her in. "He says he's had contact with them a couple of minutes ago but they've still got nothing."

"How is that possible? John sealed the whole city off. The guy cannot disappear out of thin air!" Louise growls in frustration. "We need to be done with all this nonsense and move on with our lives. I'm sick and tired of being cooped up here," she adds, slapping her hand on the table.

Teyla gives her a tired smile. "We all are, Louise, but these things take time. Just be thankful Ventrell was able to recognize him."

Louise sighs. "He must have felt cornered. He probably knew Ventrell would know who he was. But what if they can't find him? And what if there are more of them?"

"We will find him and Ventrell will make sure no one else is a danger to this city, Louise," she hears behind her. She tenses, recognizing John's voice. There's a dangerous edge to it – the one she's come to know he reserves for those he won't have any compassion for.

She turns in her chair to see him standing in the doorway, his hands resting on his P90 he's latched onto his vest. He's watching her worriedly. She fidgets and pushes her chair back to stand, feeling suddenly very small. Her first instinct is to run in his arms but it's not an option anymore, she reminds herself bitterly. She clenches her fists at her sides instead.

"I hope you catch him soon," she says through clenched teeth. "And when you do, I want to be there and be the first to interrogate him. I can't believe I entrusted the guy with some of my team. Who knows what he could have done to them," she adds, shuddering.

"We were lucky Ventrell's presence pushed him into revealing himself," Teyla reflects.

Louise nods. "And if he's as good as he seems to be, all this will soon be a distant nightmare. I'll work round the clock if need be," she tells John. "Anything to clear everyone. We need to put this behind us and when we do," she adds, her eyes glinting with anger, "we gate back to that planet and find who's behind all this and I promise you, they'll regret ever trying to attack us."

She sees Ventrell smirk and wink at her as he enters the room behind Sheppard but John doesn't seem pleased at all.

"You will do no such thing, Louise," he tells her, staring her down. "No gating back to that planet for you – ever – and no working round the clock. And if I ever catch you disobeying my orders, you're on house arrest for the rest of your pregnancy," he growls, pointing at her accusingly.

"What?" she yelps, royally pissed, and glares at him but it's only his back she's glaring at now because he's already turned on his heels and is leaving the room.

"Teyla, you're with me," he calls over his shoulder. "Ventrell, stay with Louise and you two finish with your scheduled interviews." He stops next to the other man and gives him a pat on his arm. He points towards Louise with his thumb. "You make sure she doesn't work overtime, gets a decent dinner and then you herd her and Shep to her quarters. Place two guards at her door. I need to know she's safe – for my own sanity," he sniggers, before leaving without a single look towards her.

"Now, wait, Mister," she growls after him but he's already gone and the doors whoosh closed behind him and his team.

She slaps her hand once more on the nearest surface and yells "Damn! Damn him!"

Ventrell pouts. "He's only trying to protect you, Louise. I'd do the same if I had someone I loved. I'd protect her, even against herself."

She turns to him, glaring. "Yeah, well, you don't," she answers nastily, "and if you did, I'd tell you that's the biggest mistake a man can do with a woman – that is, if he wants to keep her, of course!" she scoffs.

She looks away, knowing she's being a bitch and that's not fair after how considerate Ventrell has been recently, but she's too wound up to keep her foul mouth shut.

"I didn't know you could be so cruel, Louise," he tells her, looking almost hurt. "Yes, it's true, I don't have someone who loves me, and I do understand you're scared and pissed at Sheppard's way of talking to you, but being unkind to me won't change a thing about it."

She looks up, flushing with shame. "I'm sorry for lashing out at you," she whispers in a hoarse voice. "I don't know what got into me. I... it seems John Sheppard knows how to get the best and worst out of me."

"And these days, it's the worst, right?" Ventrell asks.

She silently nods and walks up to him. "Will you forgive me?" she asks, tears clinging to her eyelashes.

He smiles benevolently. "Of course, Louise," he replies, taking her hand in his. "I know you're hurt and you feel lost..."

She nods again. "He made me so angry," she scoffs. "He always does that – decides what's best for me. Protects me without asking first. I thought we were past that but I can see he'll never change." She takes her hand from his to fold her arms on her chest. "I was independent when I came here, you know. I was my own boss. I'd decide how I lived my life. But then he came along and he started telling me that I couldn't do this, couldn't do that..." She taps her foot impatiently. "And now, I'm just what? A womb? So if I don't do as I'm told, I'm going to be ordered back to my quarters like a kid who hasn't eaten their veggies?" she cries out.

He shakes his head and makes her unfold her arms gently. "Hey, relax. You don't need to work yourself up. I'm on your side here. I get it. You know what's good for you. You don't want someone else to manage your life."

She nods gratefully. "Look. I still think Sheppard's decisions are only genuinely meant to protect you and this city..."

She huffs. He lifts his forefinger. "But, I get your point and you can count on me to back you up." He sees her hopeful look and adds hurriedly: "But only if your demands are rational and won't put you in danger, OK?"

She nods eagerly, making him chuckle. "Eh, Louise, shouldn't you turn off that timer or something?" he asks her as he sees her space out again.

"Oh, oh, shit," she yells and rushes to her oven. She opens it hurriedly and sighs in relief. "Thank goodness, you heard it." She removes the pies from the oven and sets them on a wire rack to cool before she can unmold them. She turns to him and winks. "You, Mister, better like sugary stuff because you're going to be the first to taste those," she informs him with a smirk.

He narrows his eyes at the pies, licking his top lip. "Both?" he asks.

She nods. "Both!"

It's late at night and she's still giggling with delight at seeing his look of pure bliss when she'd set a second helping of both pies on his plate. Of course, he was disappointed when she'd told him he couldn't taste them right away because they needed to cool off completely and would taste much better after spending a couple hours in the fridge but his look was priceless when he took his first bite at it after they returned from an afternoon of interviews.

On the plus side, they've cleared most of her staff. On the downside, though, Cox is nowhere to be found. She's decided to look on the bright side of things and is in a good mood tonight. Of course, deep down, she knows it's her mood swings taking her logic on a roller coaster and if her first pregnancy is any testimony to what's awaiting her in the months to come, she's in for a hell of a ride.

She remembers how miserable she'd felt, especially when she would try her best to look cheerful though she wanted to scream in frustration and that makes her sad and empty inside. But probably it's for the best because, let's face it, John is not good at handling emotions, not his and least of all hers and if they were still living in the same quarters, she'd probably make his life miserable – and hers too.

"Louise, you've spaced out again," Ventrell chides gently.

She looks up and pouts. "Sorry..." she drawls. "I do that a lot, especially these days. Feel free to take your plate and go eat somewhere else if you want. I'm not fun being around."

He shakes his head. "Can you stop berating yourself? It was just me being concerned. You can space out as much as you want."

She lifts her eyebrows. "I can? Waoh! You're lenient! It always pisses people off when I do that. My mother used to say I had my head in the clouds when I should set my feet firmly on the ground," she snorts self-deprecatingly.

He pouts. "I take your mother and yourself never understood each other."

She shakes her head. "Never." She points at herself. "Wild imagination and a talent for making the wrong decisions. She, in return, is always perfect. I think the only thing she did wrong was having me. Biggest disappointment in her whole life," she sighs.

He shakes his head but says nothing. He tucks in his pies and downs them with his steaming mug of coffee then smacks his lips contentedly. "You know, I was never one for dessert but I could get used to that," he compliments her.

She smirks. "See, didn't take you long to come round."

"I wouldn't want you to think I'm a softie," he banters back.

She rolls her eyes. "I wouldn't dare think that, Mr Ventrell."

TBC

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook_

 _Gâteau basque_

 _This is a French cake made in South-Western France. So addictive that once you've tasted it, you'd do anything to have some on a regular basis – like every week. Yeah, that's how obsessed I am with the thing._

 _And it's OK when you're on vacation there and can buy it on marketplace anytime you want. That's a different matter when you return home and all you find is a poor imitation of that scrumptious dessert._

 _Here's the thing. When I get obsessed, I need to do something about it or I go wacko. So instead of that, guess what? I went in search of the perfect recipe, tested quite a few and came up with that one. And now, it's all yours!_

 _Don't get shy when you see the instructions. It's actually very simple. And so worth it. Really worth it._

 _Let's get started. Note that you'll only need egg yolks so if you don't know what to do with the whites, I suggest rench Almond Tea Cakes called Financiers, Macarons, Amarettis or if you don't fancy something sweet, why not some Red Lobster Shrimp Cocktail? (all on my blog!)_

 _For six individual cakes or 1 big one:_

 _For the Crust:_

 _100g butter, softened_

 _100g sugar_

 _1 pinch salt_

 _2 egg yolks_

 _150g flour, sifted_

 _15g almond powder_

 _Whisk the butter and sugar until the mixture is light and fluffy. Add the yolks, salt and almond powder. Finish with the flour, sifted. Do not overmix. Refrigerate for one hour._

 _For the filling: Oh joy, you have to options and since I can't choose between the two – custard or cherry purée, I make one of each! So for this recipe, either you make three individual cakes of each or you make double the amount and have two cakes and I can guarantee you, they'll be gone in no time, especially if you serve them for breakfast._

 _Custard Filling:_

 _1/2 cup milk_

 _a few drops of vanilla extract_

 _1 egg yolk_

 _1/8 cup sugar_

 _10g flour, sifted_

 _15g almond powder_

 _a drop of rum_

 _Boil the milk with vanilla._

 _Whisk the sugar and yolk. Add the flour and whisk well._

 _Add the milk while boiling. Whisk and pour in the pan and let the custard thicken while whisking constantly. Remove the pan. Add the almond powder and rum. Cool the mixture and refrigerate._

 _Cherry purée_

 _In a pan, mix fresh or frozen cherries, thawed, with sugar and boil until you get a thick purée. Cool it and use cherry jam._

 _To assemble the cakes:_

 _Roll ou the dough on a dusted surface. For a whole cake, cut two circles and for individual cakes 12 circles – one for the top part and one for the bottom. The bottom part should be a little smaller than the top._

 _Spread the filling on the bottom part. Add the top crust and pinch the sides to close well._

 _Brush with some egg yolk wash (I usually keep a little yolk for that and mix it with a few drops of water) or icing sugar mixed with water._

 _Bake 20 mn at 350°F on a baking sheet or in cake molds._

 _Cool on a wire rack. Enjoy!_


	16. Chapter 16

SGA Life, with a little spice – Chapter 16

"Hey," McKay greets her the next morning as he enters the kitchen. "Jen said you were already here."

She rolls her eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?" she asks a little too curtly.

He lifts his hands in surrender. "Hey, don't shoot. What did I say this time?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing, Rodney, nothing at all. Sorry. I'm on edge," she apologizes.

She's already barked at a couple preps this morning. Her under-cook for the morning has scurried to the walk-in coolers for "inventory" and has been at it for way to long, making her feel like she's the wicked witch of the West. Everyone is avoiding her gaze in the flimsy hope she won't yell at them. She knows she should cool down but it seems everything is going wrong this morning and on top of everything, she's been trying hard to ignore that queasiness she feels is irrevocably building up in her stomach.

"No, I mean, seriously," McKay insists, being his usual bull in a china shop. "We're friends. You've got something to say. Say it!"

She huffs in exasperation and lowers her voice. "I told you Rodney. Nothing that concerns you in particular. I'm pregnant, hence bitchy. This whole kitchen is a mess," she says, showing him what seems to him like immaculate counter tops and hard-working people. "And on top of that, we have a spy on the run, so excuse me if I'm not seeing the world through pink glasses at the moment!"

Her voice squeaks on her last word and she growls in frustration but covers her embarrassment by crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot impatiently.

Rodney smirks. "Oh, OK. I thought you were really pissed at me," he counters.

"Not everything is about you, Rodney," she sniggers. "I'm not pissed at you. I'm pissed at the whole universe!"

She's raised her voice and sees some people hunch their shoulders. Her anger is suddenly deflated. What is wrong with her? She was always one for defending her staff when Buckley was in charge of the kitchen and acted like a total ass and now she's doing the same?

She shakes her head. "People, I need a break," she tells no one in general and heads for the door.

Rodney follows her outside. "Do they know...?" he tentatively asks.

She shakes her head. "No. I don't know what to say. And I don't want them to pity me or hate me more than they already do," she adds on second thought.

"They don't hate you, Louise," he chides her. "And they wouldn't pity you. You're going to have a baby! I'm sure they'd love to pamper you. Everyone would love to pamper you, you know," he adds, rubbing her arm.

She gives him a miserable smile. "Bad mothers don't get the right to be pampered, Rodney," she counters.

He huffs. "You're not a bad mother. You're lost. You're trying your best. I'm sure everything will pan out just fine. You'll see."

She raises her eyebrows. "The great Meredith Rodney McKay seeing the glass half full? Who are you and what have you done to my friend?"

He laughs out loud and doesn't hear it but she does. As Lorne and Dex pass behind them on their way out, she hears Evan snigger. "Bad mother indeed. I do hope she doesn't expect any compassion from me."

She tenses and squares her shoulders. "Why did you want to see me anyway, Rodney?" she asks hurriedly. "I have to go back inside before they wreak havoc in my kitchen."

He winces as he realizes the moment has passed and she's not ready to relax yet. He'd hoped to spend some time with her, maybe lure her into his lab to take her mind off her worries, and maybe, maybe talk some sense into her but it's not going to happen now.

Her jaw is set and she's looking away into the distance, as if trying hard to avoid people's gaze. Even that scientist from NUMA she's made friends with and is waving at her to join her and her friends at their table looks disappointed Louise is not seeing them.

"Just wanted to check on you, that's all. See how you were doing," he shrugs.

She narrows her eyes at him. "Sheppard sent you, didn't he?" she accuses him.

He huffs in exasperation. "You know. You're right. You're pregnant and bitchy. It's my cue to leave before you chop my head off. Good day to you, Chef," he nods curtly before turning on his heels and heading out, his whole demeanor oozing with indignation.

She huffs and shrugs. All her friends do these days is treat her like an unruly teenager. Well, screw them!

"You shouldn't make a habit of mumbling under your breath or people are going to think you've got bats in the belfry," she hears behind her. By now, she doesn't have to turn to know it's her newest addition to her very eclectic collection of "friends".

"No, just a bun in the oven," she retorts, hoping her sarcastic remark will make him flush with embarrassment but it's not Rodney we're talking about.

He roars with laughter and grabs her arm, leading her back to the kitchen. "You're one hell of a little lady. If I were Sheppard, I wouldn't take my eyes off of you for a moment."

She frees herself from his grasp and turns to him, pouting. "And why is that? He's got his whole personal guard watching me round the clock, starting with you!"

He shrugs offhandedly. "Oh, it's not your safety I'm worried about."

She crosses her arms defensively over her chest. "Oh yeah?" she dares him to say what's on his mind.

He chuckles. "Oh yeah! It's the rest of the city I'd be worried about, especially that Bill Cox. Cause from what I witnessed these last few days, you're a bit of a firecracker."

She rolls her eyes and stomps to the door, pissed that he's seen through her so easily.

But several hours later, she doesn't feel that pesky anymore. She wants to curl up in bed and sleep the rest of her pregnancy away – except she's still got 8 months to go, give or take. "Make it go away," she groans at the nurse who's taking her temperature.

"The doctor will be in here shortly to see you, Ma'am," the other woman replies with a stern voice but pats her arm gently. "Nothing that tons of women have lived through and survived before you," she chides her, not knowing about Louise's past.

Louise tenses and tears well up in her eyes but that only makes things worse. If she could see herself in a mirror she gathers she'd see that green edge to her complexion she used to sport in the mornings and sometimes throughout the day when she was pregnant with her first child.

"Oh God," she groans again.

"I came as soon as I heard," Jen tells her, having just arrived in the infirmary. "What happened?" she asks Louise.

"Nothing that I didn't expect," Louise replies through clenched teeth, the urge to puke getting stronger by the second, except she's now on an empty stomach, seeing as she's been sick as a dog for the last hour. "I went back to my quarters as you instructed – to take an afternoon nap," to which Jen nods appreciatively, "and hardly had the time to make it to the bathroom before I threw up my midday meal. All of it, Jen. Plus probably my breakfast too."

Jen looks at the chart the nurse has filled in her absence and winces. "Look, for the moment, I'd rather be on the safe side. Your blood pressure is down, which makes sense since vomiting your meals has exhausted you," she adds hurriedly, seeing Louise look up in alarm. "Your blood sugar level is low too." She motions for the nurse to join them. "I'm starting an IV so you can get all the fluids and sugar you need. I won't lie to you," she tells her friend, "I won't probably let you return to your quarters tonight."

Louise gulps and looks away, tears welling up in her eyes. And why is she so damn sensitive? She hates being like that. She brushes her tears away angrily. "OK, but I need stuff from my room," she barters.

Jen nods. "There are some things I'm going to let you have – your pjs, toothbrush, even a book if you want but no tablet or computer, Louise," she warns her.

Louise mutters under her breath "not fair" but Jen only chuckles, not letting her soften her.

"You need to rest if you want me to discharge you. I don't think it's anything but the first very unpleasant stages of a normal pregnancy but seeing as you're diabetic and bullheaded, I won't take any chances," she informs her.

Louise pouts but relents. "He's gonna be OK, isn't he?" she says, her voice barely a whisper.

Jen caresses her head. "Yes, Louise, he's gonna be OK."

"Cause John would never forgive me if something were to happen to the child, you know?" she says, confessing her greatest fear.

"Louise, I don't think..." Jen starts saying.

"You don't understand a damn thing these days, do you?" John growls in frustration behind her. He's just entered the room.

She gulps and a wave of anguish washes over her. She wraps her arms around her middle and curls up in bed. " Oh, God, make it stop," she whimpers.

"What's going on, Jen?" Sheppard demands. "Is she gonna be alright?" he adds, looking anything but collected.

Jen chuckles a little and motions for the nurse to hand her a syringe. "She's gonna be OK. And the baby too. As I said, it's standard symptoms for what she has. I'll add some medication for her queasiness to her IV and she'll be up and running in no time. With a little luck, it will go away after a few days or weeks."

"Make it months," Louise growls.

Jen chuckles. "Every pregnancy is different, Louise," she tells her. "It's not because you were sick for nine months straight last time that you will be this time, OK?"

Sheppard approaches the bed cautiously, as if to make sure first he's not going to be yelled at by either of the two women. Jen bites her bottom lip and takes a couple steps back to give them privacy and yet be nearby if Louise doesn't feel up to it.

"Can I do something, Louise?" he offers. "Anything?" he says, lifting his hand to caress her hair but stops in mid-air when he sees her look of apprehension. He sighs and drops his hand to his side.

"Can you take care of Shep for the night?" she whispers, gulping a couple of times as it's still difficult to talk without feeling sick.

He nods. "Anything else?" he says, hoping she'll say "Please, don't leave me alone. Stay with me," but she only asks for a few things from the room and he tells her he'll have Amelia fetch them for her. She doesn't want him here. She doesn't want him anymore. He feels like he's got no right to be here except he's the leader of the city and it's his duty to support his people when they go through hard times.

He turns on his heels and walks to the door, knowing the next thing he's going to do is call Ronon and ask him to run with him around the city until he feels exhausted enough to crawl into bed and maybe finally snatch a few hours' sleep.

"What did you mean earlier?" she calls after him.

He turns and watches her then scoffs. "Nothing. Nothing you'd listen to anyway."

She presses her lips together not to cry at the rebuttal. "But I'm listening now," she counters.

"No, Louise," he retorts, pointing at her, "you never listen. You hear the things I say but you never listen and I'm done trying to convince you."

She's sitting at the conference table the next afternoon, after being released from the infirmary around noon with the strict order not to work in the kitchens. She's only been allowed by Jen to join Ventrell there so they can clear the last of her staff. Ventrell has told Sheppard he doesn't think the other members of her team have anything to hide and it's pretty safe for her to be there, emotions-wise.

She smiles at Ventrell tiredly. "I'm glad we're done. Those sessions are exhausting. Thanks for doing this with me," she adds. "I don't really feel comfortable working with my friends right now, what with them all being so judgmental and pushy..."

He smiles at her in return. "No problem. My pleasure. You're actually much more easy-going than I'd thought."

Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline in mock indignation. "Oh, is that so? I'm the queen of easy-going!" she counters.

He chuckles. "And I'm a good guy, yeah, sure!"

She sobers up and looks surprised. "Well, yeah, you are."

He scoffs. "No, I'm not and the sooner you get that, the better."

She looks sad. "It seems I'm not the only one to always beat myself up over what I do wrong," she mentions.

He scoffs again. "You so don't get it, Louise. I'm a bad guy. I'll always be. No matter what. You can try and change me but that's not gonna happen, you hear me?" he says, his voice louder and angry now. "You don't change people's nature, " he adds bitterly.

She stares at him in disbelief. What's just happened? One moment he's bantering with her, almost as if he were trying to be her friend, gain her trust, and the next, he's telling her not to trust him – ever?

He walks to the door and hesitates at the doors that whoosh open, revealing a very eager Shep who's obviously at the end of his tether, having waited for too long these last few days in front of that very room. Ventrell pats his head and turns to her unwillingly. "I've got one more thing to tell you though I could have dispensed from it, had Sheppard been less of a coward to speak to you in person."

She lifts her eyebrows and feels her hands tremble on her lap. "He's asked me to tell you he wants you to inform your staff you're pregnant or he'll do it himself."

She gasps. "But I've not even reached the end of the second month. This is not fair!"

He shrugs. "I'm not making the rules here. He must think it's a matter of security. If you feel unwell in the kitchen, you need the people you work with to be able to react accordingly. Anyway, he said to do it before the end of the week or he'll come down to the kitchens to do it himself."

Ventrell leaves the room before she has the time to argue some more. There's nothing he can do about it and even if there were, it's clearly not in his best interest.

She ponders it for a couple of days. But days fly by and it's already Friday and she's running out of time and solutions. She knows John's decision kind of makes sense but it also feels like punishment for not doing as he sees fit and she can't possibly imagine standing in front of her whole staff and having to tell them about her decision to have the baby and abandon him. How humiliating!

She doesn't tell anyone about it – not even Jen who's worried to see her waste away like she does, barely eating or sleeping.

On top of it all, Cox is nowhere to be found and she doesn't get it – doesn't get it at all – and it haunts her nights to worry about what he could do to all those innocent people still on board.

John has issued a warning to all personnel to only move in groups around the city, even though they searched every room that's still being used at the moment and not sealed by his teams.

McKay has assured him no one can override his system and that worries them even more because it means he's somehow found a place where to hide that is within the limits of the inhabited sections.

But her greatest worry right now is not Cox, it's John, and after two nights of tossing and turning, she finally musters the courage to walk up to his office and ask to see him. It frustrates and angers her but beggars can't be choosers and she'll indeed beg him to reconsider if bad comes to worse.

"I need to see Colonel Sheppard, "she tells the guard standing in front of his office.

The Marine looks at her coolly. "Got an appointment, Ma'am?" he asks sternly.

"No but..." she starts saying then clams up. She's probably not allowed free access to his office anymore. She licks her lips. "Look. I need to see him and I'm ready to wait as long as it takes. Please tell him that."

Through the glass panels, she sees John lift his head from the file he's perusing and glance at Lorne who's sitting opposite him. That's when he sees her. He motions for the Marine to come inside and converses with him for a few seconds before dismissing him.

"Colonel Sheppard says you'll indeed have to wait. They're not nearly done in there. He offers to come down to the kitchen when he's got a free moment, probably in the afternoon," the man tells her, lifting his eyebrows as he waits for her answer.

Inwardly, she thinks about how he could have come to the door to tell her himself but again, she has no other option than to suck it up so she nods to the guard and then to John who's observing her. "Thank you, yes, tell him I'll be awaiting him," she replies. She turns on her heels and flees the place before anyone can see the tears of humiliation trickle down her cheeks.

"Louise, hey, Louise! Damn it, wait for me!" she hears Ventrell calling after her as she runs to the nearest transporter.

He's two steps behind and she hasn't time to close the doors before he joins her. She slaps her hand on the panel next to her in frustration and turns her head the other way so he won't see her cry but he's one stubborn fellow and he forces her to look at him.

"You're crying," he says matter-of-fact.

She brushes her tears away. "Yes, thank you, I've noticed." Her voice is dripping with sarcasm/

He sighs and turns to the screen before she can and chooses a destination.

"Hey, I was there before you," she cries out indignantly. "I don't share cabs!"

He looks nonplussed and she has to remind herself that though he's human, he's not from Earth.

She rolls her eyes. "I don't share, that's all. You can get it when I'm done with it!"

His lips turn up. "I don't think so, lady. Sheppard said no one moves alone. Besides, I kind of know you by now and you were going to hole up in your quarters. Not going to happen," he tells her, wagging his finger at her. "I'm taking you to the South Pier. You need some fresh air. Reconnect with nature. You've been cooped up in here too long," he chides her.

She lifts her eyebrows. "South Pier is off limits to anyone for the time being, remember?"

He grins at her smugly. "Yeah, well, I'm not anyone," he counters. "I obviously need to keep searching for Cox..." He waggles his eyebrows playfully. "Bad guy, remember? I'm gonna use my free pass for some very selfish reasons," he adds, making her giggle.

"If Sheppard knows you're taking me there, he'll ask for your head," she warns him.

He snorts. "I don't intend to tell him. Do you?"

He's baiting her but she's been cooped up for so long, she can't resist. "Alright but just for a few moments because I'm supposed to return to the kitchen," she amends. "And I need to drop by my quarters or the kitchen to get a medical kit." He nods and motions for her to leave the transporter. She chuckles, seeing he's taken them to the corridor leading to her room. "You're always one step ahead, aren't you?" she tells him, shaking her head in disbelief.

He presses his lips together and his eyes darken. "Yes, yes, I am." Then his eyes light up. "Come on, lady," he tells her cheerfully. "We don't have all day."

She passes her hand over the sensor and walks briskly inside, talking over her shoulder. "I won't be a minute."

"Go ahead," he says, "I'll wait outside. And get yourself a jacket. It can get pretty windy."

She grabs her things and leaves the room at a run only to be met by Ronon who's got his arms crossed over his chest, his back leaning against the opposite wall in the corridor.

"Chef," he greets her, "going somewhere?" he asks, eying her jacket suspiciously.

She glances towards both ends of the corridor but Ventrell is nowhere in sight.

"Waiting for someone?" Ronon insists, narrowing his eyes at her.

She slowly shakes her head. "No, I... was going back to the kitchen. I just dropped by to get my jacket. I forgot it this morning," she elaborates, evading the issue.

He nods, not looking convinced. "And you're here all alone because..."

She winces. Yeah, there's that too! Now she knows she's in very muddy waters because Ronon is bound to report the incident to John.

"I was down the corridor, Dex. No need to worry. I wouldn't dare leave her alone," she hears Ventrell reply as he appears round the corridor.

Ronon narrows his eyes at him, his hands crossed on his chest. "OK." He turns to Louise. "Why didn't you just say so?" he prods.

She huffs. "You didn't let me answer!" she replies indignantly. "Now, can I go, officer?" she asks cheekily.

The corner of his lips turns up in disdain. "Drop the sass, Chef. I was just concerned."

He motions for her to walk down the corridor. "I'll go with you, guys. What's for lunch?" he asks, crushing her hopes of having a moment of peace and quiet. Ventrell nods for her to play along and follows them down the hallway but when she turns to him, he's white with rage.

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

SGA Life, with a little spice – Chapter 17

"So..." he says, on entering the empty kitchen, eyebrows lifting in expectation, "you wanted to see me?"

He looks round, checking there's no one but them and walks up to her, stopping a few feet away from the table where she's assembling her poptarts.

She pouts. "Can you just give me a minute so I can finish the frosting?" she asks.

He nods quietly and walks to the counter where she always keeps a fresh pot of coffee but the pot this time is empty and even clean. "No coffee?" he asks.

She shrugs. "It makes me want to puke. When no one else is around, I just empty it."

He bites his bottom lip in embarrassment. Her pregnancy – the elephant in the room. "Yes, I did see no one was around..." he baits her.

She huffs and walks to the sink to wash her hands. "Yes, John, I know no one is here but there are guards outside. Come on, give me a break!"

He pouts but relents. "Sorry. We're all on edge these days." He motions for her to sit with him at the table. "I'm sorry too because I don't have much time. What can I do for you?"

She sits reluctantly and rolls her eyes. "What indeed?" He huffs. "Well, you could for example not ask me to humiliate myself in front of my whole staff when I still have months to work with them, John!"

He sighs. He suddenly feels like they're back to square on, years from now, when he first met her in this very kitchen and they would cross swords all the time. "You remember when I first came to your kitchen?" he chooses to deflect.

She looks away. "Yeah. You came for Elizabeth's dinner," she says very quietly, pain in her voice. No matter how long ago it was, she still mourns their first leader, as she mourns every person who's touched her life and is now gone, the weight of it getting heavier as names add to the list, it seems. He'd never looked at it that way until now.

He tries to lighten the mood. "Well, this kitchen is still as welcoming it seems as it was then but now it's me who gets a tray on my doorstep every night," he tells her. "Tell whoever is doing it that I greatly appreciate it." She gives him a tense smile. "You are?" he asks, nonplussed.

"Who else?" she counters.

"I thought it was one of your under-cooks taking the initiative. Surely, you don't have the time for that anymore," he says.

"No, but see, I'm still taking the time to do it anyway. You need to eat and I can't picture your 2IC pampering you," she replies, making him chuckle.

"I would probably be offended," he says. He falls silent then looks at her and gives her a tentative smile. "Thank you."

She nods. "You're welcome," she replies, feeling the butterflies in her stomach grow to epic proportions. "John," she insists after a minute's silence, "I know you're a busy man..."

He pouts. "Yeah, about your staff... Look, Louise, it's a reasonable demand. I need to know you're safe among them."

"And this will be achieved by telling them I'm a bad mother?" she baits him, anger flaring.

He looks utterly surprised. "I never said that. And I'm not asking you to tell them about your decision to leave. I just want you to tell them you're pregnant so they can go easy on you," he counters. "How could you believe I'd be that cruel?" he adds indignantly.

She huffs and stands then starts pacing. "I can't tell them I'm expecting and let them think everything is going to be fine. They'll see we're not together anymore. And not telling them would be as good as a lie, John!"

He pouts and looks down at his hands he's folded on the table. "Oh my God," she cries out, "you want them to coo about the baby so I'd change my mind!" she accuses him.

He looks up at her and pouts. "John Sheppard," she chides him, slapping his shoulder viciously, "you're... you're..." she stammers, too angry to finish her sentence.

"Desperate is the word you're looking for, Louise," he tells her quietly. He stands and walks up to her but she takes a step back.

"Don't," she says, glaring at him. "This is not fair play. None of this is."

"And it's fair to me because...?" he prompts.

She rolls her eyes. "Life's not fair, John. You of all people should be used to that by now!"

He grabs her arms and pulls her closer, forcing her to look at him. "Louise, please, I'm begging you. Do not rush into this. Take your time to think about it. There are countless parents who've lost a child and welcomed others after that. Some who even have one right away. You've got to have a little faith in yourself. Everyone says it – you'd be a great mom."

She slowly shakes her head and pulls out of his grasp. "I know me, John. I would be a bad mother. I was a bad mother. I would hurt him. Believe me, children know when they're not loved," she counters sadly.

"Because you were not loved? So you know it?" he insists. "Did your mother tell you that?"

She looks away. "And there's more, right? He said it too. I remember what you told me once. He said you were a bad mother."

She gasps for air. "Just once," she whispers. "He said it once."

John slaps his hand on the table next to them. "And you believed them! Now, that takes the cake! You don't believe me. You don't believe your friends but you believed them! Damn it!" He combs his hand through his hair.

She walks up to him and lays her hand on his cheek, surprising me. "Because they were right all along, John," she says through her tears. "My mother... My husband... They knew who I really was. And you don't. Because you choose to see the good in me and ignore the rest."

He grabs her hand before she can scamper off and holds onto it, needing her to reconnect with him before it's too late. "You're not being rational. It's your hormones talking and your fear too. Don't let it get between us. Please..."

She realizes they're here in this very room because she had resigned herself to beg for his mercy but it's him who's doing the begging and she cannot take that. It shouldn't be that way. They shouldn't have stooped so low. "I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry. All of this is my fault. I should have been more cautious. It's because of my carelessness we're in that situation."

He huffs in exasperation. "No, Louise. If I remember properly, it takes two people to make a baby and one instance of Murphy's Law to lead us where we are." He takes her hand into both of his. "I'm not asking you to reconsider now. I'm just asking you to think about it. Here, proof of good faith – I agree to wait before we tell people about your pregnancy," he offers, bending a little to look into her eyes. "What do you say?"

She pouts and feels her heart beating two hundred miles an hour. Her hands in his, that's so not a good idea because, let's face it, she misses him so very much and she feels weak and needy and would do anything at the moment to stay with him.

She gently removes her hands from his and gives him a tentative smile. "I would greatly appreciate that, yes," she thanks him.

"And will you think about it?" he insists, looking hopeful, and that puppy look he gives her, boy, it would be enough to break her heart in tiny little pieces, never to be mended again.

She lifts her hand cautiously and caresses his five o'clock shadow. "I don't want you to get your hopes high," she counters.

He leans into her touch and mirrors her tender gesture by trailing his hand along the side of her face. "Just say you'll give it a serious thought. It's all I'm asking for," he replies.

She nods quietly and he bends to ghost his lips over hers, making her whimper inwardly. "Thank you, sweetie," he whispers.

He pouts. "Look, I'd like to stay but I need to go back to work," he apologizes.

She shrugs despondently. "Is OK. I can connect to that..."

"Yeah, well, you go easy, OK? Jen says you need to rest..." he replies worriedly.

"I'm not made of glass, John. Work is good. It takes my mind off my worries," she counters gently.

He chuckles. "I know that. Just be reasonable, OK?"

She smiles at him and nods so he kisses her forehead before heading for the door. "Don't bother sending a tray my way tonight. I'll try to come round," he calls over his shoulder as he passes the first preps filing into the room for the evening meal and Ventrell who's come to see her.

She overhears them converse quietly for a minute or so and then John leaves the room and she suddenly feels cold inside.

She shudders as she sees Ventrell approach her. "I'm surprised to see Colonel Sheppard here," he mentions offhandedly.

She blushes a little. "We needed to settle a dispute," she replies.

"And from the look on his face and yours, I take it you've settled it?" he wants to know.

She shrugs. "More like found some common ground. Let's say things are much better than they were this morning," she says, not wanting to say too much.

He smiles at her but looks almost displeased and that unsettles her a little. "Something's the matter, Odai?" she wonders.

He shakes his head, his lips pressed together. "No, no. Actually, that's very good news, right?"

"I suppose it is, yes," she replies, nonplussed.

"Well, if that's what you want then it's for the best," he answers cryptically.

"I don't get it, Odai. What do you mean?" she insists.

He takes her elbow and pulls her gently away from her preps. "I was under the impression you'd already settled things with Colonel Sheppard and you knew what you wanted," he says in a hushed tone. "But I can understand you miss him. We talked about it the other day," he adds and she frowns so he elaborates. "Me and Sheppard. I mean, you know," he shrugs casually, "men talk. I don't know much about you girls but I guess it's normal to want to get his attention."

She frowns some more. "He said that?" she demands.

Ventrell shakes his head. "No, no, it was not like that. Like I said, guys talk. What with your pregnancy and all..."

She puts her hands on her hips and glares at him. "Well, Odai, let me tell you something! Yes, we women like to "be" with our men," she says, making air quotes, "and yes, we pregnant women can get very needy sometimes..."

He looks away, embarrassed to see people are looking at them as there's obviously some sort of argument between them and the boss being pissed these days, some of them are very interested in seeing how this turns out.

She realizes she might have gotten a little worked up so she lowers her voice and tries to remain collected. "Sheppard and I, we... we have history, and yes, I miss him. Am I ready to reconsider my decision? I don't know," she confesses. "I sure don't know..."

He pouts. "Look, I'm sorry I upset you. And please, don't be mad at him for talking to me about you," he asks her.

She scoffs. "I'm not mad at him. I'll just have a few things straightened up when he comes round tonight for dinner," she says resolutely.

"He's coming tonight?" Ventrell looks surprised.

She gives him a warm smile. "He said he'd try to come, yes."

"Good for you," he replies but his look seems to belie his words and she suddenly wonders if he might be jealous. After all, they've developed a close relationship since he's cleared her and they've spent a lot of time together, sharing things about each other most people don't know about. She frowns and he looks away then the moment has passed and he looks his usual composed self again.

"Look," he says, motioning to the door with his thumb, "I need to run. I still got stuff to do before I can call it a night. I'll see you later."

He ambles nonchalantly towards the doors and she shakes her head to get rid of that awkward thought she's just had. Ventrell is probably just disappointed she's acting like she doesn't know what she's doing. She could slap herself for being so stupid!

She's deep into checking everything that's leaving the kitchen to head for the buffet when Harry, her under-cook, calls her on her headset. "Ma'am, could you please spare a moment to get down to the storage room?" he asks her and she can tell he's worried.

She huffs and taps her communicator. "Can't it wait?" she replies. "It's really not the moment to add to my already long list of problems," she chides him. "And what are you doing down there anyway?" she demands. "I thought I'd told you to do the inventory this morning."

"I did, Ma'am, I mean a part of it but I was interrupted and then I thought I'd finish it tonight after my shift," he explains painstakingly. "Please," he insists, "I really need you down here."

She huffs and looks around. The place is buzzing with activity and she can't find her other under-cook to send him downstairs. She stops one of her preps on his way to the mess hall. "Private, where's Sergeant Sanders?"

He shakes his head. "No idea, Ma'am. Probably in the mess hall..." He waits for her orders, still holding the tray loaded with fresh bread he's supposed to take there.

She nods. "Go and if you see him, tell him to take over for a few minutes. I'm going down to the storage room."

She glances at the clock. It's almost time for dinner to be served and even if she deems herself childish for that, she intends to stick around the mess hall until John comes along – if he does.

sighs in exasperation as she takes the transporter to the storage room, two floors below. She hasn't been there in days and hopes nothing's the matter. "See what happens when you trust others to do your job?" she grumbles to herself. "Those guys are useless."

She enters the room and sighs with content at the sight of all the crates piled high everywhere. Each trip down here reminds her of both happy and painful moments – the evacuations, the Wraith attack but also Aiden's warm smile and the time they'd chased after the chickens, her successful trading missions and all the wonderful new fruit and veggies she'd brought back from her trips off-world to exotic planets.

She smiles to herself but her smile slowly fades as she sees Harry Blakeley on his knees, a Zat trained on his head. And the hand that is holding the Jaffa gun is none other's than Bill Cox's.

He smirks at her grimly. "I wouldn't do that if I were you," he tells her, seeing her hand drop to her thigh holster she now wears round the clock. He nods at Blakeley's head. "You know how it works, I surmise. I've already had to shoot him once – to make my point. Now, if I shoot him a second time..." he sniggers, obviously enjoying himself.

She gulps and lifts her hands away from her body. He nods appreciatively. "Much better. Sound choice if you ask me," he mocks her.

"What do you want, Cox?" she asks him.

He shrugs casually. "What could I possibly want?" he sniggers. He makes a show of thinking about it then snaps his fingers, McKay-style, and that in itself makes her want to smack him over his arrogant head. "I remember! One, I want to get the hell out of here. And two... I want you to come with me," he tells her smugly.

She snorts. "Not gonna happen, buddy. I'll certainly not come with you willingly and there's no way they'll let you step through the gate," she informs him.

"Yeah, well, you know, in another time, maybe... But you're carrying Sheppard's child so two hostages for the price of one... I'd say I have a pretty good chance of getting what I want," he counters.

She gapes and he sniggers. "Close your mouth, Ma'am," he mocks her. "Not very becoming for a mother-to-be."

She feels her temper flare in spite of the looming danger and her concern for Blakeley who's still on the floor and looking like he's gonna pass out any minute. From the sweat beading up on his forehead, she guesses it's not only anguish that's making him look green. Cox must have shot him pretty bad. Regardless, she needs to buy them time and she needs to get to the bottom of it. How did he manage to hide for so long? And how did he learn about the baby?

"How do you know that?" she demands.

He snorts. "My little finger told me," he taunts her. She rolls her eyes so his smile turns grim. "Seriously, I had help, of course! Why don't you ask your "friend" here to tell you how he fooled everyone?" he suggests, motioning with his zat to the man who's just appeared from behind a crate.

Her blood turns suddenly cold in her veins and she feels all hopes leave her. "Odai," she stammers, "what is he talking about?"

He snorts, coming to stand beside Cox. "Ah, Louise, didn't I warn you not to ever trust me? Didn't I?" he insists cruelly.

She gulps. "What do you want?" she asks him, feeling her head spin and grabs a crate to support herself.

He waits until he can see she's not going to faint. "Same as him," he replies, nodding towards Cox.

"Why?" she whispers. "You've got a good job at the SGC. You're making friends and a life for yourself," she pleads. "Why waste everything you've so painstakingly built there?" she insists.

He scoffs. "You're so naive, Louise. You always see the good in people." He walks up to her and looks her in the eye. "I built all this so I could have access to Atlantis and you, my dear, are my life insurance."

She looks him in the eye, trying to grasp what all this entails. "You killed those people," she says. "Back at the SGC. Grady. The others. And then you used the zatarc device to plant evidence against someone so it would look like he'd done it, right?"

He grins at her. "There you go! Now, that's the Louise I know. Smart and down-to-earth. You know, I like you much better that way than when you follow Sheppard like a love-sick puppy," he tells her. "I was starting to worry about you..."

The memory of their aborted trip to the South Pier and how pissed he'd been suddenly comes back to mind. "It's not Cox who called me down here. It's you!" she accuses him, pointing at him viciously. "You thought I was going to go back to Sheppard and then the opportunity to find me alone would be lost!"

He smirks. "That's my girl! See, you're not as dumb and weak as you seem. " She rolls her eyes, making him chuckle. "You don't like to be called smart but you are. Cameron had told me you were much more than a little cook. I'm glad 'cause I hate weak women. They're just a liability."

"All right," Cox cuts them in. "Can we just cut to the chase. We don't have all day and you two are talking much too much," he says impatiently.

Ventrell turns to him slowly. "Of course, Bill, what was I thinking!" He hands him disposable restraints. "Tie him up," he orders, nodding at Blakeley.

Cox sighs heavily. "Ah, come on, don't tell me you're afraid to add to your long list of murders!" he sniggers.

Ventrell scoffs. "You're right, I'm not," he replies grimly and Louise grabs his arm, in the flimsy hope to stop him.

"No, please, don't," she begs. "I'll do anything you say. Just don't shoot him. He hasn't done anything to earn this."

He smirks at her. "You're such a goody-goody, Ms Léger," he mocks her then trains his gun on Cox and shoots him in the head before the other man has the time to realize what's happening.

Louise jumps in fright. Ventrell turns to her, his look now grim. "Now I've got us rid of that useless punk, let the party begin." He hands her the restraints. "Tie him up," he orders once more.

"You're not going to shoot him?" she insists.

He rolls his eyes but doesn't answer. "You're not going to get cute?" he counters.

She shakes her head silently.

"Then go," he pushes her towards her under-cook.

"Ms Léger, please come in," she hears in her headset as she's getting to her feet.

She slowly turns towards Ventrell but he has his eyes trained on her and she knows she doesn't stand a chance should she make a move to answer.

"Sheppard?" he wonders.

She shakes her head. "My other under-cook."

"Tell him you'll be right there," he orders.

She does as told.

"Alright, Ma'am. Well, you told me to call you if Colonel Sheppard was coming down for dinner and he's just arrived," he informs her, apparently not realizing something's not right. Louise has been gone for nearly twenty minutes and she never leaves them for that long when on duty.

Ventrell motions for her to play along. "Alright, Ben. Well, if he asks for me, tell Colonel Sheppard I'll be there shortly. Léger out."

"Good girl," Ventrell tells her. He rips her headset off her ear and Blakeley's too then pushes her towards the transporter. "Let's get on our way. The more we wait, the more people we'll have to pass on the way to the gate, the more people I might have to shoot..." he warns her.

They reach the kitchen's level and he pushes her towards the pantry. "Get your stuff. Medical kit, sugar. Then we'll grab what you need from the cooler."

She looks at him, horrified. "You don't really want me to go with you, right? I promise I'll do everything to help you escape through the gate but I can't go with you."

"Yes, you can and you will, Ms Léger. I came for you. I won't leave without you. Told you so already – you're the key to all this," he tells her.

She turns to him and gapes, realization settling in. "You're the one who was to abduct me on that planet. You're behind all this."

He smiles. "Told ya'. Smart girl! Now, get a move on!"

He grabs her things from her hands and stashes them in a bag then grabs a large cooler from one of the shelves. "That enough for a few weeks of insulin?" he asks. "I can always call them for more if need be," he reflects offhandedly, as if they were leaving on extended holidays.

He sees her hesitate. "Is it?" he growls. She nods silently.

"Then you go first in there," he tells her, knowing they have to pass through the kitchen's main room to get to the walk-in fridges. "And remember lots of innocent lives depend on your being a good girl."

She takes a deep breath and walks assuredly towards the large doors. "Ma'am, here you are!" Ben greets her. "Colonel Sheppard is keeping a seat for you. Said he didn't have much time."

She looks towards him and gives him a fake smile. "Good, I'll be right there. Mr Ventrell and I need to get something from the fridge first," she tells him.

She hurriedly grabs as much medication as she can get her hands on and stashes it in the cooler with some ice.

He pushes her towards the door. "Let's get going."

"Please let me grab a few things from my room," she stalls. "Spare clothes, a toothbrush..."

He hands her the bag he's carried from the storage room and in which he's stashed her med kit. "Already have. I took the liberty to drop by at your place this afternoon and pick up a few things you might like to have with you. See, all taken care of. Now, go!" he insists, his eyes darkening.

"How...?" she wonders, not knowing how to put it.

"How do I want to play this?" he fills in. "You and I, we leave the kitchen peacefully... with you as my shield, of course." He wraps his arm around her and points his gun at her stomach. "You make the wrong decision, the baby dies. Simple enough?"

She nods, terrified. "I'll be good. Please don't shoot anyone."

"If no one shoots at me," he counters.

They're halfway through the kitchen before anyone realizes anything. It's pretty busy in there and everyone is trying to keep up with the pace. The first person who notices is the prep in charge of the dishes that night – a cute brunette who, apart from the color of her hair, reminds her a lot of Wilson. Smart girl who obviously has a bright future. She gasps and locks eyes with Louise. Louise shakes her head slowly, silently pleading her to remain calm, but someone near her lifts their heads and everyone freezes in a matter of seconds.

Ventrell looks almost bored. "Alright, alright, people, no need to start screaming. Your boss and I are going to leave this room and you're going to resume feeding the good people of this City. Got it?" he orders.

They all look petrified and she can connect to that. Wraith, they can take. Replicator invasion, they'd be ready for it. But a vulgar abduction? It looks as incongruous as a vampire playing poker in Vegas. She nods at them to do as told and he pushes her towards the exit.

The worst part is yet to come and she wonders if her time might have finally come or if she'll get to see another day.

When they enter the mess hall, John lifts his head as if on cue – as if he'd detected her presence instantly. And freezes when he sees the gun.

He gets to his feet as if in slow motion, his hand dropping to his gun and she shakes her head pleadingly. By now, most men in the room have had the time to train their guns on Ventrell.

Louise is as white as a sheet. "Please, don't," she begs.

"Listen to the lady," Ventrell orders. "You're going to let us through the gate. Any address will do. We'll go from there," he says, making Sheppard know they won't probably be able to trace him.

"We can't let you do that," Sheppard replies, eyeing the bag on Ventrell's shoulder and the cooler in Louise's hands. "You can gate to any address you want but you leave her here."

Ventrell snorts. "I don't think so, Sheppard. As I told your little girlfriend here, I came for her, I leave with her."

She sees realization dawn in her companion's eyes. And then anger takes over. Cool, collected anger. John is white with rage. "You son of a..." he growls. He motions for his men to surround him and trains his gun on Ventrell. "Louise," he says coolly, "sweetie. You're gonna have to trust me."

Ventrell sniggers. "The stunt you pulled on Koyla... It was a one-time thing. It won't work this time," he tells him smugly. "You try it. You'll have her blood and his on your hands," he says, pointing at Louise's belly for good measure.

Louise shakes her head at John, looking terrified. "He'll kill him, John. He's killed Cox and all those people at the SGC. He won't hesitate."

John doesn't lower his gun and neither do the men who accompany him but he lets them pass into the corridor leading to the control room.

They make their way painstakingly along the hallways, Ventrell's back to the walls at all times, making it impossible for anyone to have a clean shot.

They arrive at the bottom of the stairs and he nods for Sheppard to order the gate opened. She sees John hesitate and feels the pressure of the gun on her belly. She looks pleadingly at her companion.

He shakes his head. "I can't let him take you. He'll kill you the moment he's on the other side."

Ventrell's eyebrows shoot to his hairline. "That's what ya' think?"

Sheppard mirrors his stance, daring him to say the contrary.

"Why would I kill her when she's my best insurance? We'll get in contact regularly. Say every other week. You'll need to get us some more meds anyway. And I'll tell you what I want. You do what I say, she stays alive," Ventrell explains patiently.

"You know we don't negotiate with terrorists," Sheppard says through clenched teeth.

"And I also know that you don't abandon your own," Ventrell counters.

"What do you want?" Sheppard insists.

"I'll tell you soon enough. Time to say goodbye," Ventrell replies and Louise feels the life drain out of her but she doesn't want John or anyone to get killed trying to rescue her so she puts on a mask and gives him a small smile.

"He's got food and meds and even clothes for me," she tells him. "He's not going to hurt me."

He nods and turns to Amelia and nods his assent. She starts sequencing.

She sees Shep bounce down the stairs as the gate whooshes open, Chuck behind him. "I'm sorry, God, that dog, I swear!" he growls.

Ventrell tightens his grip but the dog seems totally oblivious of the danger and bounds towards them.

Louise yelps in fright. "Shep, down!" she orders.

John grabs the dog by his collar and growls. "Down, Shep!"

The dog freezes but whimpers, asking for permission to join his mistress.

Ventrell relaxes a bit. "You want to take him with you?" he offers Louise and she looks up at him in dismay so he insists. "You may, if you want. I don't mind. And he'll be well-treated, I promise."

She breathes in and ponders it for a second and it breaks her heart to say no but she can't risk his life. "John, you take care of my dog, you hear," she tells him, her voice hoarse with unshed tears. "And don't feed him any junk food, OK?"

He nods and gives her a tentative smile. "And you take care of yourself. No burning the midnight oil, alright?" he banters.

Ventrell pulls her backwards until he's got his back to the shimmering puddle. "You could do something good, Odai," she whispers to him. "You could just leave me here," she pleads. "There's still time to change your mind."

"Told you," he whispers back in her ear. "You don't change people." One more little tug and she's sucked into the wormhole. The journey lasts only a few seconds and she's pulled through the gate into a large clearing.

Ventrell lets go of her and runs to the DHD. In a matter of seconds, the gate is spinning again and she knows that wherever they're going, she doesn't stand the chance of a snowball in hell being found.

TBC

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook_

 _Homemade Poptarts_

 _I know it seems long to make but it's so worth it and not difficult at all._

 _On the plus side, you can have virtually any filling you like and even make different ones in the same batch like a different one for each day, for example. Just saying..._

 _Pie crust (for 9 poptarts):_

2 and 1/2 cups flour, sifted

1 and 1/4 tsp salt

6 Tbsp butter, chilled and cubed

3/4 cup shortening, chilled

1/2 cup ice water maximum

 _Filling: (brown sugar and cinnamon)(for other fillings, see bottom of this recipe)_

1/2 cup light brown sugar

2 tsp cinnamon

1 Tbsp flour

 _Egg wash:_

half a beaten egg

1 Tbsp milk

 _Glaze:_

3/4 cup confectioners' sugar

1 Tbsp milk

1/2 tsp cinnamon (or 1/4 tsp vanilla extract for other fillings)

Make 2 balls of pie dough with the flat hook if you have a kitchenaid. Flatten the balls and refrigerate for 2 hours.

Make 9 rectangles of the same size in each ball and leave in the fridge on a pastry sheet for 15 mn.

Assemble your poptarts: one rectangle at the bottom, egg wash, one Tbsp filling, spread, leaving the edges free, egg wash side down, egg wash on top. Press with a fork, sealing the dough on all sides.

Refrigerate 20 mn.

Poke holes to allow steam to escape. Brush with the rest of the egg wash. Bake for 20 to 30 mn, 350°F.

Cool on wire racks.

Glaze.

Poptarts can be frozen and thawed directly in the oven for 10 mn, 300°F.

 _Filling_ : It can be replaced with jam, nutella, crumbled oreo cookies with milk, cookie butter, pumpkin butter... In that case, use the vanilla glazing and add funfetti for decoration.


	18. Chapter 18

_SGA Life, with a little spice 18_

He drops the bag on the floor and waves at the men in front of him. "Louise, meet my men. Guys, this is Louise," he says as if this were a social call.

They've stepped through several gates to shake off Sheppard's attempts to find his lair and they've just arrived on his ship through transport rings. The ship is obviously Goa'uld. She hasn't seen it on the outside but she can tell it's large, with hallways going in multiple directions from the ring room. The place, though, has seen better days and it seems they don't care much about cleaning and fixing things around here.

She pouts and trains her attention to his crew – a grim hodgepodge of a dozen space pirates. "That all your crew?" she asks, wondering how they manage that place on their own.

He chuckles. "Being nosy already, Ms Léger?" he mocks her.

She shrugs. "Nope. Just curious."

"Good," he replies, "Cause the earlier you understand you cannot escape, the better. It will save you a whole world of trouble," he adds grimly.

She shudders and looks away. "I was curious, not nosy," she repeats despondently.

"Alright then," he replies. "For your information, these people here are my inner circle."

He points to a tall, muscular man about his age wearing a long dust coat. "This is Drake, my 2IC. There's also Morun, our chief engineer," he goes on, pointing at a guy on the shorter side sporting clothes dirtied with what looks like oil.

She can't help snorting and Ventrell narrows his eyes at her. "Good to see you haven't lost your sense of humor, in spite of the circumstances," he tells her, looking amused.

She presses her lips together and looks at her feet as she feels laughter bubbling up. She schools herself and looks up at the engineer. "Sorry," she apologizes. "Guess I'm nervous."

He lifts his eyebrows, looking nonplussed, and she tells herself maybe the offense is not used in these parts.

Ventrell slaps the youngest of them all on his shoulder, making him stumble forward, placing him a couple feet from her. "And this..." he adds, plodding on, "is Meeka. How do you call them? Oh yeah, rookies!"

The other men, except Drake, snigger and the kid – who must not be more than sixteen – flushes with embarrassment. She rolls her eyes at their childish behavior.

"So Meeka here has been assigned to you. He'll help you settle in and will be in charge of accompanying you every time you need to move around the ship. Any reasonable request you have," he says, stressing the word "reasonable", whatever that means to him, "just ask him and he'll pass it along." He looks around. "As for the others, I guess you'll get to know them as we go along."

She shuffles her feet. "How long do you intend to keep me here, Ventrell?" she wants to know.

"As long as it takes for me to get what I want, lady," he replies curtly.

"Are there any other women on board?" she can't help asking. She's usually more comfortable around men than women but these guys remind her a little too much of Ronon and she can tell there won't be any small talk involved.

Drake crosses his arms on his chest. "Nope and it's as best there ain't 'cause, believe me, you don't want to meet them." She lifts her eyebrows. "Much more vicious than us guys," he elaborates, making the others snigger again.

"Alright," Ventrell cuts in. "Enough for the introductions. Meeka," he tells the younger man, "you take her to her quarters," he orders, handing him the bag and cooler. "Make sure she's got everything she needs and report back to me."

He turns to Louise. "You're not allowed to roam freely around the ship – for your own safety," he warns her, making her know he can't insure her safety outside her quarters. "I'll see you at dinnertime." He shoos them away and turns to the other men.

He waits until Louise has disappeared around the corner. "OK, guys," he tells them in a tone that means he won't allow for any foul play. "I told you that before she arrived but I wanna make sure you got it right. She's off limits and to be protected at all costs. Make sure everyone knows that. She's our ticket to getting what we want. I won't allow for that to be jeopardized. Got it?"

She looks around as she enters the quarters allotted to her. There's a bed, a desk and a trunk, plus what looks like a portable icebox with batteries. At the back of the room she can see another door which, pushed open, reveals a small bathroom with a tub, washbasin and toilet. The place is clean but Spartan to say the least.

The kid puts the bag and cooler on the floor next to the bed and shuffles his feet, embarrassed to be here alone with her. "Do you need anything else, Ma'am?" he asks her.

She shrugs. "I don't know yet. I need to unpack the bag first."

He nods. "Well then, I'll leave you to it," he says, walking to the door. "Dinner's in an hour or so."

She watches him leave, befuddled that in a place like this there's such a thing as "dinner". The doors close behind him and she doesn't even bother check the control panel to see if she can open them from the inside.

"Got everything you need?" Ventrell asks her as she sits next to him at the long table in what serves as their commissary. The place is empty except for his entourage. Meeka has told her Ventrell usually likes to have his debriefing at night around that very table and when they're done, the rest of the crew can eat.

She nods. "I guess, yes," she briefly replies and falls silent.

"Something's on your mind," he insists, passing her a basket with something that very remotely looks like bread.

She picks a slice and passes it along to Drake who thanks her with a silent nod. "I'm a prisoner here. What do you expect?" she counters, temper flaring. "If you thought I'd be a gracious guest, forget about it!"

He rolls his eyes. "I was not talking about that. I was merely inquiring about your accommodation, Ms Léger."

She shrugs. "It's Spartan but I guess I should not expect anything else," she mutters moodily.

He slaps his hand on the table and stands abruptly then walks to the door without a look at her.

She rolls her eyes when she sees Meeka's reproving look. "What?" she demands. "It's true!"

Drake's jaw twitches but he turns to look her in the eye. "The boss gave you the best room on board, which happened to be his. He could have put you in the brig as I'd advised," he adds, narrowing his eyes at her, making her shudder, "but he said he'd not have a lady treated like that on his ship. You might not want to get on his wrong side..."

Ventrell walks back into the room, looking cool and collected again. He grabs the steaming pot of stew, sits back in his chair and ladles some of it on Louise's plate. "Eat," he orders her gruffly. He puts some in his plate as well then hands it to Drake.

She glances at him and he glances back and nods at her plate. She presses her lips together but takes hold of her spoon, the only cutlery she's apparently allowed to have. She pushes her food around, making the list of ingredients in her mind as she recognizes each texture and smell.

"I said, eat!" he repeats through clenched teeth.

She cringes and takes a bite and gags. "Oh God!" she says but swallows as she sees his darkening eyes.

"What's wrong?" he demands, anger flaring. Everyone around the table is eating as if their lives depended on it and are not paying attention to the whole argument. Or maybe trying hard not to.

"I'm sorry," she says, gulping down the content of her glass. "I'm queasy these days. Not much I can eat without gagging."

"Don't like stew, Ma'am?" one of the men sniggers, making her feel like she's the princess and the pea.

She pouts. "No, I do. It's just there's too many flavors in it. And where did you hide the vegetables? It seems there's only meat in there..."

"What's wrong with meat?" Ventrell counters, lifting his eyebrows.

She rolls her eyes. "You guys are meat lovers, right?" she can't help mocking him.

He leans towards her, locking eyes with her. "We're men," he mocks her back.

"That's how you feed your crew every day?" she asks, horrified. "Never heard of the four food groups?"

It's his time to roll his eyes. "Stew and grilled meat and sometimes potatoes. That's all you'll get on board, lady," he tells her.

"Make it charred," one of the men sniggers. Ventrell narrows his eyes at him and he instantly drops his gaze. "Sorry, boss. Didn't mean to offend", the other man hurriedly apologizes.

Ventrell turns to Louise. "We don't have a cook. The guys take turns cooking," he explains.

"That's not cooking," she protests. "That's second-degree murder. Your men are bound to have dietary deficiency."

"What do you care?" he replies impatiently.

She tilts her head to the side. "Well, for one, I'm here for who knows how long and as you know, I have special needs, being pregnant and all." She sees him flinch and realizes she's made a point. "And two, it goes against everything I believe in."

He scoffs. "So what? Next thing I know, you're going to hand me a shopping list and send me to the nearest store?" he mocks her.

She gives him a cheeky smile. "If you insist..."

Everyone around the table freezes. She's way too cocky for their leader and he's got a reputation for chopping heads when he's pissed. He takes his knife from the table – the kind you can fold when you're done eating – and wipes it on his bread then folds it with a loud clang. Everyone stands at once, even those who are halfway through their plate.

She looks up at them, bemused. "What's going on?" she demands.

Ventrell looks down at her coolly. "Boss's prerogative. I'm done eating – they're done eating."

He points at her plate. "You can finish it but only for tonight – because you're new here. Tomorrow you'll speak less and eat more or you're bound to go to bed on an empty stomach – baby or no baby."

The others file out of the room. She stands, looking awkward. "I'm sorry," she apologizes. Most do not reply or only shrug in reply. A couple though stare her down before leaving.

"You've just made your first enemies on board," Ventrell sniggers.

She sits despondently. One of the men on duty that night comes to clear the table. Ventrell sits on it, his feet on a chair.

He points at her plate. "You should try and finish it," he advises, his voice more gentle now no one's around.

She bites her bottom lip but dunks her bread in the sauce. "And you should also understand I cannot allow for you to talk back like that in front of my men," he warns her.

"Sorry," she whispers and munches on her bread.

"Louise, look at me," he says more gently. She looks up, the reality of where she is slowly sinking in. "I'm not a cruel man if not forced to be so," he tells her, "but I need to be respected on board or I won't be able to insure your safety. You disagree with me on something, you wait until we're alone to say so. OK?" he insists.

She silently nods and finishes the last of her bread.

He hands her the basket. "You've barely eaten. It's not enough for you and the baby," he chides her.

She shrugs despondently. "Why do you care?"

"What about you?" he counters. "Don't you care?"

She flushes ashamedly. "Of course, I care!" she cries out. "It's just... Look, the first few months are often hard."

He sighs. "What do you need?"

She looks nonplussed. "What do you mean? You want that shopping list after all?"

"That's exactly what I mean. Don't get your hopes high though. Staples, I can get. Luxurious and exotic stuff – I'll probably won't have time for that," he tells her.

She nods, feeling suddenly invigorated. "Staples is good," she thanks him.

He stands and motions for her to follow him. "The rest of the team are waiting for their dinner," he tells her. "I'll walk you back to your room."

She follows him down the hallways. Two to the right, three to the left, one to the right.

"You're counting," he tells her.

She pouts, making him chuckle. "That's OK," he tells her. "The only way out of this piece of junk is through the transport rings," he informs her, "and it's heavily guarded at all times."

She looks away. "Louise," he says, lowering his voice as they reach her door, "I need you to know I don't intend to hurt you. You're leverage. Period. I'll treat you right, I promise. Now," he says, opening her door and letting her in, "try to get some sleep." He takes a chocolate bar from his breast pocket and hands it to her. "Dessert," he tells her with a wink. "I'll drop by tomorrow morning with more. Have that list ready."

She nods. "Thank you for giving me your room," she says. "It was most generous of you."

He nods quietly and closes the doors behind her.

She eats half of the chocolate bar and feels immediately better, her mood improving considerably. She gets ready for the night then grabs the book he's stashed into her bag. It was on her bedside table so he must have thought she was in the process of reading it. Truth be told, she's already finished it – twice – but it's nice to have something to do so she starts reading it again but doesn't make it to the end of the first chapter before she falls asleep.

She's awake early the next morning, her watch tells her, but at least she's slept for eight hours straight. At first, she's disoriented and has a surge of panic when she can't find her bearings but then the events of the previous day slowly come back to mind and she rolls on her side and hugs herself, feeling utterly miserable and scared.

After a few minutes though, her erratic breathing slows down and she closes her eyes, willing herself to calm down, trying to think only about positive things. Atlantis is safe, no one was hurt – well, apart from Cox but he was a bad guy, right? - Shep is with John, John is fine, the baby is fine, I'm fine...

She sighs and gets up from the warmth of the bed and pads to the bathroom in the cold. When Ventrell appears on her doorstep half an hour later with a couple more chocolate bars, she's sitting at the desk, making a list of staples as told. He hands her the bars. "Breakfast," he tells her with a smile. "I thought you might not want to drop by in the commissary for grub."

She snorts. "That bad, uh?"

He pouts. "Let's say dinner is the best meal of the day," he tells her, making her giggle in spite of herself.

"Actually," she replies, surprising him, "I'd like to go there."

He eyes her suspiciously. "Why the change of heart?"

"I thought if you agreed to buy a few staples, I needed to know what I could cook so I can adjust my list to what is or is not possible," she tells him eagerly.

"You want to cook?" he says, eyebrows lifting in surprise.

"Well, yeah! Look, Ventrell, food is my life. I go bonkers when I don't cook. Don't tell me you're going to keep me cooped up in here 24/7," she tells him pleadingly.

He sighs. "You're not helping here, lady. You go to the kitchen and I'll have to spare one of my men to watch you."

"On the plus side," she counters wickedly, "you keep me busy and I cook for you all."

His eyebrows shoot to his hairline. "I think you misinterpreted my words, Louise. The list is for you, not everyone on board."

She stands and puts her hands on her hips. "That's unacceptable! How do you think your men will react when I get a healthy diet and they don't?" she replies indignantly. "It's everyone or no one!"

The staring match lasts for a whole minute but he finally caves in. "Alright, alright," he agrees, rolling his eyes. "My men are gonna be the best-fed villains in two galaxies," he sniggers.

She giggles. "But only simple ingredients," he warns her, "and no fancy recipes. Got it?"

She nods eagerly. "Can I see the kitchen now?"

Ventrell is not a patient man and she knows she must be quick in her decisions. She looks around, evaluating the place – a crossover between a campfire and a greasy spoon. There's a long table that she can use as an island top, a stove that looks like the exact replica of the one she'd seen on a photo from the 1910s but it's got two ovens and four burners as well as a place on the side where you can keep your dishes warm and even a hot water tap, a sort of icebox the size of two fridges, a chest that is in fact a freezer and a large sink. The other side of the room is lined with shelves up to the ceilings. They're loaded with all kinds of utensils and plenty of mason jars containing who knows what.

She glances at Ventrell who shrugs. "Don't ask me. I'm the boss. I don't cook." He calls the man who's in charge of breakfast that morning. "Jud, hey, come here, will ya? Tell the lady what we've got in those pots."

The other man shrugs. "I've no idea. I mean apart from some cereals here, flour and sugar and salt and pepper there," he points at a few jars. "Other than that, we kind of play it by ear..."

She presses her lips together. No need to anger the leader of the ship by telling him what she thinks of their lousy sense of organization. "OK," she offers Ventrell, "tell you what. You give me a few hours to see what I can do with that mess. Sort things out. And I'll have a list ready for you by lunchtime."

Jud's eyes light up. "Lady's gonna cook for us, boss?" he asks hopefully.

Louise looks at Ventrell for confirmation. He nods. "But only if it's not too much work for her." The man whoops in delight and leaves the room at a run, probably to tell others.

Louise rolls her eyes. "It's my job, remember."

Ventrell crosses his arms on his chest and locks eyes with her. "No, Louise. You're job is to be a hostage," he counters grimly.

When he returns for the list at lunchtime, she's so tired she can barely scramble to her feet. She's sitting on a stool near the stove and giving directions to Jud who's endeavoring to follow her instructions as best he can.

Ventrell looks around, bemused. "What the hell have you done?" he demands.

She sniggers. "It's called cleaning. Me and Jud and Meeka, we took everything down and cleaned the shelves then we opened all the jars and played a little game of blind date with the spices."

She winks at Jud who snorts then sobers up when he sees his boss's less than amused glare.

Ventrell eyes a stepladder standing near the shelves suspiciously. "You got on that thing?" he asks Louise.

She shrugs. "Well, yeah! I do that all the time on Atlantis."

"You're not on Atlantis, cupcake! You're on my ship and you're valuable goods so I say, next time you want to do it, think twice... Or you'll spend the rest of your time here locked up in your room," he warns her, looking majorly pissed.

She glares at him. "Don't you dare..." she starts saying but he ignores her and gets into her personal space, towering over her.

He opens his hand. "List," he orders.

She sighs in frustration but hands it to him. He peruses it and nods. "That's acceptable," he grunts.

She rolls her eyes. "You're such a sweet man, Ventrell," she can't help sniggering.

He lifts his finger menacingly. "Watch it!" he growls then adds wickedly. "I couldn't help noticing there's no chocolate on your list."

She looks away. "I supposed it was not acceptable."

He smiles at her smugly and leaves the room without a word.

Jud shakes his head slowly. "You shouldn't push his limits, Ma'am. He's a good boss but a ruthless man."

She smiles at him tiredly. "I like to piss people off. It's my trademark."

 _Back on Atlantis_

" _We need an expert here for this thing, Sir," John is saying General O'Neill. "And I need reinforcements. No need to remain cooped up now we know who the killer was."_

 _O'Neill nods. "I agree. I'm sending Mitchell your way. He's going to help you with the Zatarc device. Make sure Ventrell had not tempered with it. Major Lawrence is also offering you to come as a temp cook to manage the kitchens..."_

 _John cringes but nods. "Tell him we'll be grateful to have his help." Both men fall silent, wishing they could avoid the elephant in the room._

 _O'Neill wets his lips. "Colonel, I need to know... How do you want to play this?"_

 _John sighs. "I'd like to spend 24/7 looking for her, Sir, but I know I can't. We need to avoid the mistakes made the first time at all costs." He elaborates. "I mean the mistakes I made in that alternate future." O'Neill nods. "So, even if it's killing me, I'm letting Ronon lead the search."_

" _Has he found anything yet?" the General wants to know._

 _John shakes his head. "Not yet, no. But they're bound to resurface somewhere, somehow. And Louise is smart. She'll find a way to let us know where she is, should she be given the opportunity."_

" _What do you think he's hoping to achieve by keeping her prisoner?" O'Neill wonders. "Mitchell says winning without fighting."_

 _John nods. "We need to find her. Whatever happened in that future is bound to happen again. What I don't get is why he hasn't asked for anything yet."_

 _O'Neill gives him a knowing look. "You need to know you're gonna have to walk a fine line here. With hindsight, the IOA is weary of you making the same mistakes as in the future Louise has told us about."_

 _John cringes. "I'll keep that in mind, Sir."_

"You need to understand you're as much of a prisoner here as you are in your room, Ms Léger," Ventrell tells her when he sees her eyes light up at the sight of the boxes of goods being brought in the kitchen.

"I'll take that under advisement," she replies absentmindedly as she rummages through the boxes, too happy to have something to do.

He sees she's too engrossed in her musing to focus on anything and that's a good thing. That way, she won't try to escape.

He walks to the door where he sees his 2IC's waiting for him, his shoulder leaning on the door frame. He's watching Louise as she searches the boxes and ticks things on her list.

"Something's the matter?" he wonders as he passes him on his way out.

Drake pushes himself off the doorway and follows him into the corridor. "It's a big risk you're taking, showing yourself on a local market and buying all kinds of food... I thought you wanted us to keep a low profile," he remarks.

Ventrell stares him down. "Telling me I don't know what I'm doing, now?" he challenges the other man.

Drake looks away but his jaw twitches. "I didn't say that, boss. Just think we should be extra cautious now we're so close to getting what we want," he offers.

Ventrell shrugs. "I was extra cautious. Besides, it's not as if we stayed in one place. Even if Sheppard hears of our being on that planet, we'll be long gone."

Back in the kitchen, Louise is finally unpacking the last of the errands. She checks it on her list and hands it to Jud who stares at the small jar. "What shall I do with that, Ma'am? Fridge?" he offers, making her giggle in amusement.

"No, Jud. It doesn't go in the fridge. It's spices. Put it on the shelf over there," she tells him, "next to the sugar. You guys are gonna love my pies and muffins and cookies. I guarantee it," she says, nodding in self-appreciation.

He smiles hopefully. "Haven't had dessert in ages," he sighs. "You know, Ma'am. You feed us well. We'll never let you go." Her smile turns sour and his too when he realizes the blunder he's just made. He winces. "I'm sorry. It's not what I meant. What I meant was..."

She cuts him in. "I know you only meant it as a compliment. I get it. Still, I'm starting to feel like I've landed right in the middle of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves." He lifts his eyebrows, not getting it. "Never mind," she waves dismissively.

He pouts, feeling uneasy for spoiling the party. He eyes the small jar he's just put away. "You didn't tell me how this is called," he tells her, trying to change the subject.

She grins at him and sighs with content. "Cinnamon. It's called cinnamon. And anyone who knows me knows I love it to distraction."

TBC

 _To whom it may concern – aka faithful readers who'd like to know the end of this story… I am working on the end of this story, I promise. Actually, I do have the end written already and I know where I'm going from this chapter to the end as well. It's just life regularly gets in the way – meaning work and kids and baking and training to be a chef – and writing takes time too. Anyway, hang in there! And thank you for reading :)_


	19. Chapter 19

SGA Life, with a little spice 19

"What's the name of that thing again?" Muron asks her distractedly. Over the last few days she's been on board, she's seen him appear more and more frequently on her doorstep, coming for absurd reasons to the kitchen. Of course, she knows he's here for the treats she prepares day in and day out. Ventrell has objected to it at first but seeing how it seems to please everyone – both the cook and the patrons – he's just bought more staples and shut up about it altogether though she's noticed he's never tasted her desserts, sticking only to the main dish. Muron, on the contrary, would probably make a diet of her sweets if he could. He loves anything sugary she makes him try, though he can never remember the names.

"Snickerdoodles," she replies patiently, her hands on her apron.

He wolfs another one DOWN, reminding her of a certain scientist on Atlantis who'd found the way to her kitchen long before John Sheppard had. Her eyes instantly brim with tears.

Muron looks at her in alarm. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I never remember the names of things but I do know how they're made, you know. Butter, sugar, flour, eggs, cinnamon. See," he tells her with an eager smile.

She brushes her tears away and gives him a weak smile. "I know. You didn't mean to hurt me. That's OK. It's just I guess I'm a little homesick..." she confesses, lowering her voice. Every day, Ventrell assigns her a new prep cook and she doesn't want her words to be reported back to the boss.

It's a little after two in the afternoon and she's sitting in her room, gazing through the bay windows at the vastness of space outside. She doesn't know where they are or where they are going but the ship keeps on moving round the clock, it seems. So either they have business to do in different parts of the galaxy or – more likely – Ventrell keeps them moving to evade Atlantis' scrutiny.

Two days ago, they were near the system of planets near Elysia. That, she is sure of, because he brought back some fruit that are only produced there. But that was two days ago.

Now the guys on board have gotten used to her cooking or are rather hooked on it, she hopes, she's decided to get bolder in her demands. She asked for honey crisp apples that she knows are heaped high on marketplaces at this time of year. The men loved the hand pies she made and she loved the fact she'd succeeded in leaving one more clue for John's men to find. It would only take one of them to report it back to anyone in the kitchen. She knows it's a long shot but she can't stand idly by.

"If only he would buy me chocolate..." she whispers to herself as the doors whoosh open.

"Mumbling to yourself now?" Ventrell mocks her as he enters her room.

She pouts and stands but remains silent.

"What were you mumbling about, Ms Léger?" he insists, narrowing his eyes at her.

She makes a show of looking embarrassed. "Nothing," she shrugs.

He gives her a knowing look so she caves in. "Chocolate," she mutters and looks away.

He folds his arms over his chest and smirks, obviously amused. "You were woolgathering about chocolate?"

She glares at him. "What's so funny? I'm pregnant. I have cravings! And I'm addicted to chocolate like probably three quarters of the people on my planet."

He unfolds his arms and roars with laughter. "Wow, lady! Don't maul at me, OK? I knew sooner or later, you'd beg for it. Tell you what – you do what I say and I'll buy you cocoa the next time I drop by a marketplace." He lifts his eyebrows expectantly.

She narrows her eyes at him. "Depends on what I have to do," she counters.

He smirks. "I don't think you're gonna complain about it." He watches her intently. "It's been a fortnight since you left Atlantis," he says, making her shudder.

"I don't need a reminder. Thank you," she tells him bitterly.

He ignores her remark and plods on. "Well, I think it's high time we called that hubby of yours to tell him you're peachy."

She growls indignantly. "He's not my hubby!"

He sniggers. "Same, same. Now, do you want to see him or not?" he baits her.

They're in the control room of the ship a little while later. He's stated his conditions in no uncertain terms. "I'll be watching you at all times. You give him a clue – any clue – about where you are, who you're with – anything that could lead them to you – you never see him again," he's told her.

She knows she doesn't have much leeway. "What do you want me to tell him, anyway?" she's bitten back bitterly. "I don't know anything!"

"Just don't try anything stupid," he's replied.

He nods at his pilot who's landed the ship on a desert planet with a gate. He's explained to her they'll contact Atlantis through the gate just long enough to relay their message. "No way Sheppard will have the time to get here before we've left," he's told her. "You stick to what I let you do. No more."

"Atlantis, this is Ventrell. Please respond," he asks patiently twice before they hear Chuck's voice on the intercom.

"Mr Ventrell, this is Chuck. I've informed Colonel Sheppard. He's making his way to the gateroom as we speak. Please hold on."

A pause of barely a few seconds and she finally hears John's voice and lets out the breath she was holding. "This is Colonel Sheppard. Go ahead." His tone is sharp and she can tell he's been running.

Ventrell licks his lips. "Colonel, if you agree to it, I would like to go on video."

"Go ahead," Sheppard replies. He looks at Chuck wearily who turns on the screen. Ventrell appears on screen with Louise by his side. She looks pale but composed and seems to be doing OK as far as they can tell. He nods at the other man. "Ventrell," he greets him curtly and turns his gaze to Louise. "Chef, you're alright?" he asks, not daring to call her by her pet name in public.

"She's fine," Ventrell replies impatiently.

Sheppard stares him down. "I'd like to hear it from her, if you don't mind. Louise?" he insists.

She nods. "I'm good, John. Baby's good too."

He smiles at her but adds worriedly. "I'm glad you're OK but you look pale."

"I'm cooped up on board, John, of course I'm not suntanned," she can't help scoffing, not liking it when he fusses over her.

Ventrell growls. "What did I say? No leads! Damn you, woman!"

She turns to him and stares him down. "Now, that takes the cake, ya' know. You think he hasn't figured out by now where we are?" she yells back.

"Kids!" Sheppard calls them back to attention, making her giggle. He turns to Ventrell who's glaring at him. "Of course I can tell what kind of ship you have. It's no secret you guys got hold of quite a few Goaul'd ships when you took over the Trust," he says, rolling his eyes. "Now, cut to the chase and tell me where we're at," he adds impatiently, crossing his arms over his chest.

Ventrel pouts. "You're not one for making small talk," he sniggers.

"Look who's talking," Louise mocks him, earning herself a wink and a smile from John and one from Rodney who's now standing by his side.

"Very well," Ventrell nods. "I'll soon need you to move Atlantis from its current location but I am afraid we're gonna have to stay put for the time being. Timing's not right," he adds cryptically.

John scoffs in exasperation. "Ventrell, I'm not at your beck and call," he snaps.

The other man smirks smugly. "Actually, you are." He grabs Louise by the shoulder and pushes her forward. "This little lady here is my hostage, remember? So, either you do as I say or you won't see her again."

She sees John press his lips together – the sign he's trying hard not to explode. Rodney does though. "Wait a minute, you prick! You think we're not going to try and get her back? You're a fool."

John crosses his arms over his chest, not averting his eyes from Louise for even a second, but he growls to his chief scientist. "McKay, that's enough."

"He needs to know he can't keep her forever," Rodney protests.

Ventrell lifts his eyebrows. "I beg to differ and I don't see why I shouldn't. As long as I need something from you, she'll stay with me."

Rodney scoffs. "You have no idea what you're getting yourself into..."

Ventrell sniggers. "Actually, I do. She's a brat. You should thank me for taking her in."

Louise turns to him and glares at him. "You ass! How dare you?"

Rodney smirks but plods on. "I was not talking about her pesky personality – which, by the way, we all miss here," he adds, winking at her, making her smile. "I'm talking about her condition. I'm sure you do not have the necessary equipment on board to take care of a pregnant and diabetic woman."

Ventrell bites his bottom lip. McKay has a point but Louise is too precious a hostage to let her go. "I'll take the risk, McKay," he replies offhandedly. She sees John's jaw twitch characteristically.

"I'm sure this will be solved before my condition becomes a problem, Rodney," she tells her friend. She turns to Ventrell for confirmation. "Right?"

He sneers. "Don't know, chef. We like you here. Besides, delivering a baby is not something new, ya' know," he drawls disdainfully. "I'm sure we'll manage."

She suddenly feels like all blood is being drained from her body and grabs the control panel for support. She hears shouts on the other end of the channel but they seem to come from far away, her ringing ears muffling the sounds around her.

She breathes in and out slowly, trying to regain her composure and strength then she looks up at Ventrell. "No need to be cruel, you know. I think they got your point. I'm a hostage. They know there will be negotiations. But threatening the life of an unborn child, that's below you," she says hoarsely.

"I'm threatening no one, Ms Léger. I'm simply stating the facts. The world wasn't made in one day. I need time. I'll release you when I see fit," he counters coolly.

"Your ship is no place to bring a child into this world." The voice belongs to Jen who's appeared by Rodney's side. She's cool and composed but there's a glint in her eyes that Louise has learned to recognize as her trademark "don't mess with me or else" warning.

"I'm aware of that, Doctor. Which is why, when the time comes and if Ms Léger is then still in my custody, I'll ask you and your team to come and deliver the baby," he informs her.

He turns to John. "I promise you no harm will come to them and they will be allowed to leave with the child when they're done..." Louise gasps. "But she stays here," he adds, pointing at her.

She rubs a finger between her eyebrows, feeling a headache building up rapidly. "Do you have medication for her headaches?" Jen asks Ventrell, trying hard not to yell at him.

He nods. "I have a stash of medicine. Don't worry about it. And I took everything that was in her room. She has insulin for the next month or so. When she needs more, we'll rendezvous somewhere."

"I need to examine her," Jen insists. "She has special needs, as you probably know. One of them is to make sure there are no complications with her condition."

He shakes his head. "I can't allow for that yet. Maybe when we get that insulin..."

Jen hangs her head. "At least, do you feed her properly?"

Louise gives her a tentatively smile. "I'm good."

"Have everything you need?" Jen insists. "Carbs, fruit, calcium...?"

Louise nods. "Ventrell bought me apples and cheese," she starts saying but shuts up when she sees his warning look.

She glances at Rodney and sees his eyes light up. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," he enunciates learnedly and earns himself a glare from Jen. He fiddles with the pad he's holding. "Sorry," he says, looking anything but, "I love apples. Especially those shiny red ones..."

Louise sighs inwardly. There's no way he's just making small talk. He got her drift and that's all she needs to feel her morale soar.

Ventrell taps his foot impatiently. "Look. Now you've seen she's fine and dandy, we need to go, OK. I'll call you back in another fortnight or sooner if things move ahead of time, but I doubt it." He turns to Louise. "Say bye-bye," he mocks her as if she were a child.

She locks eyes with John and tries to keep a brave front. "We'll find you, Louise," he tells her.

She shakes her head in alarm when she hears Ventrell snort. "Don't! Please, don't! Don't put your lives in danger. Remember the last time. Please, don't make the same mistakes," she pleads.

"Listen to the lady, Sheppard," Ventrell tells him before severing the connection. "She's smarter than you are."

She's escorted back to her room by Meeka who tries to make small talk with her, with little success.

"You're OK?" he finally asks when they reach her room.

She shakes her head, eyes red with unshed tears. She doesn't want to take it on the kid. He wasn't in the control room. That wouldn't be fair. "I need some alone time, if you don't mind," she squeaks, her fear finally taking over.

He nods and lets her in, at a loss for words of comfort. "If you should need anything..." he says, waving his walkie talkie – the only means of communication she's been allowed on board.

She pouts and nods and he closes the doors. She walks to her bed and curls up on top of the blankets. Minutes later, she's fast asleep, utterly exhausted by her worries, not waking up until the next morning. For the first time in almost a fortnight, the men have to fend for themselves and revert to their former diet.

Ventrell shrugs when told he should wake her up. "Let her sleep. You guys don't need her." He nods at Drake. "I'm starting to believe letting her leave her room altogether is a huge mistake..." he muses.

Drake smirks. He's one of the few people on board who are still impervious to her and her cooking and has already told his boss they'd better not let her get too chummy with the guys. "She feeds them and the next thing you know, they've handed her the passwords to the whole place for a batch of cookies," he's warned him.

 _Back on Atlantis_

 _"I've just crossed referenced our intel with the preps," McKay tells Sheppard and Dex as he enters John's office. "I was right," he says smugly, making Dex roll his eyes. "Last planet you visited, they have a marketplace for the whole system of planets in the area. They have apples. Honeycrisp to be more precise..."_

 _Sheppard lifts his eyebrows. "And," Rodney explains patiently, as if to a very slow child, "they're Louise's favorite for making pies and all sorts of pastry."_

 _"How do you know?" Ronon shoots back._

 _"Cause I listen to her, you dummy. I don't just wolf down the food she puts on my plate," he snaps back._

 _"Enough," John cuts them in. "OK, so Louise has found a way to make them drop by at marketplaces. That's a starting point. If we can trace their route, we might establish a pattern." He sighs and taps his finger on his lips, deep in thought, then he looks up at Ronon. "I think it's time I joined the search."_

 _Ronon grins at him. "The more, the merrier," he replies approvingly._

 _Rodney shakes his head. "No, no, no, you really shouldn't." John shoots him a glance, looking annoyed. "I know you want to find her but she said it herself. You don't want to make the same mistakes."_

 _Sheppard rolls his eyes. "I took that into consideration, Rodney, thank you. But we can't let that last forever. You heard Jen. She needs care and attention."_

 _"I care about her, too, you know," Rodney snaps at him impatiently. "I just happen to trust her judgment... Don't you?" he adds wickedly._

TBC

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook_

 _Snickerdoodle is not only the name of a cookie. In my alternate baking universe, it's also a verb – I snickerdoodle everything. Blondies, muffins, donut holes. I even use it in my coffee and cappucino. How can someone not like cinnamon is beyond my understanding. Anyway, easy-peasy recipe. Perfect for coffee o'clock ;) or evening milk and cookies or mid-afternoon cravings… Sigh of content._

 _Soft and Chewy Snickerdoodles_

 _1/2 cup butter, softened (100g)_

 _3/4 cup sugar (150g)_

 _1 egg_

 _1 cup 6 Tbsp flour (170g)_

 _1 tsp baking powder_

 _1/8 tsp baking soda_

 _Coating:_

 _1 Tbsp sugar_

 _1/2 tsp cinnamon_

 _|Make 1 inch balls and chill , which is absolutely necessary or you'll have to add much more flour._

 _Roll in the coating._

 _Bake 8 mn at 350°F/180°C._

 _Cool on a wire rack._

 _Keep in an airtight container for up to a week. Good luck with that! They disappear like snow on a summer day._

 _PS: Anyone wants a good recipe for handpies I mentioned in this chapter? Just let me know ;)_


	20. Chapter 20

Life, with a little spice Chapter 20

It's early in the morning the next day. Louise sits on the side of her bed and grabs a couple sugar cubes from the box she always keeps at hand on the stool acting as a bedside table. Skipping dinner altogether was clearly not a good idea – especially when she'd barely had any lunch before that, being too wound up by Ventrell's decision to call Atlantis after said lunch.

She then grabs her walkie talkie and calls Meeka to let him know she's awake. The doors whoosh open barely a minute later but it's not the young man who walks into her room. Ventrell ambles in self-confidently, grabs the only chair in the room and sits in front of her, handing her a box half-full of cookies she's made the day before.

"I'd much prefer to wait until I can cook breakfast," she tells him. "I've had sugar. I can walk to the kitchen."

He sighs. "The rules have changed, chef. I'm gonna let you go to the kitchen but only so you can prepare your own meals. Drake and I have agreed that whole experiment of letting you roam freely around the kitchen and mess hall was a bad idea," he informs her.

She looks up in alarm. "Why?" she cries out. "What did I do wrong?" she demands.

He pouts. "You have to understand, pumpkin. My men were getting way too addicted to your food. I can't let that happen. From now on, you're allowed thirty minutes tops in the kitchen three times a day. And no more lists. I decide what you get on the menu," he adds, making her flinch.

After almost two weeks of getting to know the whole crew and finding her bearings on board, she feels she's back to square one. She realizes food doesn't look as enticing when she cannot share it with other people. She's sorted out her recipes in her mind to find those she can cook or bake in a jiffy. There's no microwave oven on board so she's regretfully set aside her beloved mugcakes. Salad is an option if Ventrell agrees to buy fresh products but in a matter of days, she knows she'll have to revert to other options. Grilled cheese and melts soon become her best friends. That and French and cinnamon toasts, overnight oats and pancakes.

The rest takes too long to make but it pains her to see that tin box acting as a cookie jar void of treats so she prepares her doughs in the morning, nibbling at her toasts with one hand while she mixes with the other, and uses lunchtime to bake the cookies. By the third day, she inevitably finds small papers sporting smileys at the bottom of said box. It comforts her a little but it's not enough – not by a long shot – and by the end of the week, she's too depressed to even care what she eats or cooks. Sleeps eludes her most of the time but what worries her most is when she starts having nausea in the mornings and soon cannot even bear the idea of having anything to eat.

A week later, when Ventrell is told she's refused to leave her room to come to the kitchen for breakfast and he appears on her doorstep, he's shocked by the haggard look she sports and her obvious weight loss. Louise's forced diet and her active way of life have always prevented her from getting fat. With no possibility to exercise and her now constant nausea, she knows if she were still on Atlantis, she'd probably be in Jen's ward.

She cringes when she sees his appalled look that turns into fury. He walks up to her, making her walk back until her back hits the bay windows. She cowers under his glare. "What do you think you're doing?" he growls. "Trying to kill yourself?"

She shudders and lowers her gaze. She's too tired to fight back. "I can't eat. I can't stand the smell of food. Even thinking about it makes me want to throw up. I want to eat. I simply can't," she apologizes.

He grabs her by a shoulder and shakes her. "You need to, damn it, or you'll die! Have you thought about the baby?" he demands, making her eyes well up with tears.

"You think I don't know that? You think I'm a bad mother?" she accuses him.

He rolls his eyes and lets go of her. "I'm not saying that. I just don't get it. Are you trying to make me cave in and let you return to the kitchen?" he counters, narrowing his eyes at her accusingly.

She scoffs. "I told you already. I can't stand the thought of going near the kitchen."

He sighs in exasperation. "What do you need to start eating again?"

She shrugs despondently. "Things you can't give me."

He lifts his eyebrows. "Try me."

She steps aside and goes to stand on the other side of the room, putting the bed between them before she answers. "Fresh air. Fresh food. Stuff that won't make me wanna puke..." she answers hesitantly.

His jaw twitches but he doesn't explode. "What kind of stuff?" he insists, ignoring her demand for going outdoors for the time being.

She shakes her head wretchedly. "I dunno. Every pregnancy is different. You find what agrees with you by trial and error – smelling and tasting and seeing what happens."

He watches her intently for what seems like excruciating minutes before he suddenly turns on his heels and exits her room without a word. She breathes out and sits on the bed, feeling utterly downcast. What she hasn't told him is what worries her the most. The last time she was pregnant, her nausea had lasted almost until the end. She had lived on bran cereals, milk, red fruit – the only ones her body seemed to accept – and green beans, starting and finishing her day with mint green tea and a small square of chocolate. She'd had to take supplements and had even spent a couple weeks in hospital to balance her sugar level.

She closes her eyes, her elbows resting on her knees, and combs her hands through her hair, feeling a new wave of nausea building up at the back of her throat when the doors whoosh open again. Ventrell walks briskly to her and glares at her. "What?" he barks, seeing her look up in alarm.

"Nausea," she whispers.

"Need a bucket?" he snaps at her.

She winces. "I have nothing in my stomach. I just need it to pass, that's all." She looks at him expectantly, wondering what he can possibly want.

"I've come to inform you we'll reach a planet with a marketplace in two hours." He hands her a long woolen cape with a hood. "Get ready to be taken to the transport rings. And don't get your hopes high. I tried to find a place that is not part of your trading system agreements. We stay one hour tops – time for you to get some fresh air and find something you fancy."

Her eyes light up a little. "Thank you," she manages to say.

"Welcome," he grunts. He hands her a chocolate bar. "This is the last I have. Try to restore your strength a little. I don't want to have to carry you."

He's made her remove her jacket and jewelery – anything that would indicate who she is – and wear the cape with the hood on. Anyway, she's happy she has it because it's early fall and what strikes her first when the rings deposit them on the grassy meadow near the gate is the biting cold. Or maybe she's not used to the outdoors anymore after being cooped up first on Atlantis and then on the Goaul'd ship for so long.

She gasps but the breath of pure fresh air she takes makes her feel like she's finally really breathing again. "You're not gonna be sick, are you?" Ventrell worries.

She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. "Feels good," she says quietly.

"Good. Before we head for the village, maybe we should go through the rules again," he tells her sternly.

She huffs. "I know them by heart, seeing as you told me about them three times already in the last half hour." She ticks them on her fingers. "I don't speak to people, only if you allow me first. You'll have your arm around me at all times. I ask first if I want to buy something. I don't try to run away..." She sighs. "Can we go now?"

He nods and takes hold of her elbow, pulling her towards the path leading to the village. She lets him, not really caring at the moment as she takes in the surroundings. She's never been here before and she thinks it's a pity because the whole place looks gorgeous in the autumn morning light. Soft hills with fruit trees and a snow-capped mountain in the distance. A creek furrowing along the meadow... She sighs with content and finally relaxes, realizing it was just the thing she needed.

They reach the village and she takes it all in – the wondrous smell of spices and herbs, the sight of all the different colors and shapes of fruit and vegetables piled high on the stands, the hustle and bustle of the street vendors and patrons, children playing right in the middle of the streets and all kinds of animals waiting to be bought and sold. How much she's missed all this!

She turns to Ventrell and gives him a tentative smile. "Thank you," she simply says.

He nods quietly and leads her to the first stalls. "What do you need?" he asks her, seeing her looking around.

She shrugs. "I don't know. I'm not sure what my stomach won't reject."

He motions for her to move closer to the stalls as a vendor hands her a piece of fruit to taste. She thanks him with a nod and takes a bite but shakes her head. "Too sweet," she explains. She looks up at Ventrell for permission and when he nods she adds: "Do you have berries?"

The vendor shakes his head but indicates another one down the street. "Go see my cousin. He's got many kinds. You might find what you're looking for."

They move on down the street and she does not recoil from the berries as she did with the other fruit though so he buys her a little of each kind and hands the baskets to the two guards who have been shadowing them.

"Need anything else?" Ventrell asks, looking around, and she sees he's on edge, his right hand hardly ever leaving his gun.

"It seems I can't digest milk but if I could find goat milk..." she asks cautiously. "And maybe some nuts..."

"Any reason you think they'll work better?" he wants to know, moving to yet another stall, his hand at her elbow.

She bites her bottom lip. "It worked the first time," she answers, her voice strained.

"The child you lost," he replies, stating the facts, making her know there's not much he doesn't know about her.

She nods, tears in her eyes. "I had a difficult pregnancy – to say the least."

"But it was worth it?" he prods.

She looks up at him. "You mean, were there complications?" She shakes her head. "No, there weren't really. But I was in a secure environment and within twenty minutes of the nearest hospital..." she replies, hoping it won't anger him.

He pouts. "Yes, well, we'll manage. After all, Atlantis is barely a gate away," he counters. "I didn't mean that, actually. I mean – were you happy to have the child?" he insists.

She looks surprised. "Of course! What is that supposed to mean?"

He shrugs. "Don't know. Seeing as you want to abandon that one," he says, pointing at her belly, " I'm just wondering what's different this time..."

She gulps and falls silent. She starts walking again, her head bent, hoping the hood will hide the hot tears of hurt and shame streaming down her face. She brushes at them hurriedly and walks to a stall. He comes to stand by her side. "I was just stating the facts," he tells her.

She turns to him, eyes red with tears. "Why do you care?" she snaps.

He bends towards her and lowers his voice so only she can hear what he's saying. "I was abandoned at birth and I always wondered what went through my mother's head, that's all," he tells her, making her shudder.

She stutters. "I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't know."

He scoffs. "Never told anyone about it. I'd like it to stay that way." He points at the bags of nuts on the table before him. "Want these?" he asks gruffly. "We need to get a move on. Been here too long already. Pick what you want," he tells her.

She pouts but grabs a few bags of almonds, knowing they contain healthy fats, can stabilize her blood sugar level and are a source of protein and magnesium. Plus, she knows tons of ways to use them in both salads and dessert. She then finds a place where she buys a jug of goat milk. She picks salad and dry fruit and turns to Ventrell. "I think I have everything I need," she thanks him.

He still looks pissed but nods. "Seeing as you've been on your best behavior," he compliments her, "I think you deserve a little treat." She looks up at him hopefully. He hands their errands to his men and sends them on their way. "Return to the ship," he tells them. "I'll manage. Tell Drake we'll be there shortly." He turns to Louise. "Let's find you some cocoa. If you're a good girl and regain weight, I'll let you have some."

She smiles and nods. They amble through the market, looking for the precious ingredient. She sees him relax and almost forgets she's just a prisoner and this might be her only chance to escape.

But then she sees someone she knows standing on the other side of the town square and suddenly, she cannot breathe. She's seized by both the fear of putting her life and those of the innocent by-standers at risk and the irresistible shred of hope she might get help.

She glances at Ventrell but he seems to be unaware of her change of mood so she glances towards the man who's now walking her way – one of the merchants who regularly trade with Atlantis. She fidgets and looks away, pondering her chances of escaping but there are too many people around for her to get away quickly. Ventrell would catch up with her in no time. But she can still pass on a message – let John know where they are. By now, people outside might be looking for her too, know she's been abducted. It's worth a try, especially if Ventrell doesn't suspect a thing.

She angles her head just so, so her head is hidden from Ventrell but the man will see her face under her hood. As she passes him, his head jerks up and he gapes at her, obviously not expecting to find her there. She shakes her head beseechingly. If Ventrell realizes she's been spotted, he'll probably go berserk and kill the guy to make sure he won't talk. The man seems to get her drift and nods in agreement. He doesn't slow down or turn to look at her but goes his own way, ambling towards the other end of the market.

The thing's happened so fast, she's still wondering about it – pondering if she's just dreamed it or if the man really saw what was happening – as they buy her cocoa and leave the village. She's not once made a move to take the bag from him, nor has she asked for anything else on the stall, though there were dozen of small wooden boxes containing her favorite spices littered on the vendor's table. "You're eerily quiet," Ventrell remarks. "And surprisingly reasonable..."

She looks up at him, as if she were just waking up from a dream. He bends towards her and looks her in the eye suspiciously. "I expected you to put up a tantrum to get some of those spices..." he baits her.

She shrugs despondently. "You would have said no. I'm not masochistic," she counters.

Ventrell smirks and opens his mouth to mock her but his hand drops to his gun instead and he grabs her shoulder and shakes her. "What have you done?" he demands angrily, his eyes darkening.

She hears rapid footsteps around the bend behind her and Ventrell is suddenly pulling her, forcing her to take it at a run. She stumbles and he catches her then calls the ship on his communicator and then things happen too fast for her to process everything but there's that roaring sound of a ship overhead and the metallic clanging of rings descending around them and shouts and gunfire and finally utter silence and she crumbles on the floor in the ring room. The only thing she grasps in that moment is the vision of Ventrell's rage directed at her and the flimsy memory of Cam's despair as he realizes he's gotten to her a split second too late.

Ventrell towers over her, pure rage glinting in his eyes, his fists at his sides as if ready to pound on her, and she cowers on the ground as he throws the bag of cocoa on the floor beside her. "You had to do it, didn't you? Why can't you understand you can't escape?" he yells at her. "Is that so difficult to grasp for that scatterbrain of yours?"

She cringes but does not answer, fueling his anger. "What will it take for you to understand there's no way out of here?" He squats in front of her. "Answer me? 'Cause right now, all I want is feed you to the Wraith," he growls.

"I'm sorry?" she whispers tentatively, her mind refusing to let go of the vision of Mitchell, standing just a few feet away from her – a sight for sore eyes even though all this is gone and she knows she's deep into it.

"You're sorry?!" he sneers. He stands and turns to his men who are cautiously observing the scene, some smirking but most wincing at their boss's anger which is bound to have repercussions on the whole crew in the hours to come. "She's sorry!" he mocks her, waving at her spitefully.

He gets in her face. "Well, you'd better be because you're gonna have to pay for this."

He turns to his 2IC who's watching the whole scene with a satisfied smirk. "You're gonna tell me I had it coming, ain't ya', Drake?" Ventrell baits him.

Drake shrugs as if bored. "Naw, why would I? You tried to be considerate, which was noble of you. She should have played fair. She didn't. Her loss."

Ventrell nods at him. "I'm glad we agree on that."

He turns to Louise again. "You know what? I'm done being noble, as Drake puts it. You think you can play me, lady? Well, too bad for you," he says coolly, tilting his head and sneering. "From now on, you're going to learn what it means to be a prisoner on my ship."

He motions to two of his men. "Get her to the brig. That's where she'll live from now on."

She gasps, earning herself a few sniggers from the men around her, except Muron who looks sorry and a little worried.

"Surely, boss..." he protests though weakly, knowing he's risking his life doing so.

Ventrell mocks him. "Ah, chief, I know how much you enjoyed her time among us – the cookies she lavishly fed you all – but that time is over. She'll stay in the brig until I decide what to do with her."

He looks at her. "I'll have your things sent there. And don't worry. You're worth much more alive and well than dead or sick so I'll make sure you get some of the food we bought today. Three meals a day but no more trips to the kitchen. You're gonna learn what it means to cross me."

He turns on his heels and leaves the room, motioning for Drake and Munro to follow him, leaving her with the two stern-looking guards she barely knows.

TBC

 _Extract from Louise's Cookbook_

 _Fast and Easy Cookies_

 _One of the easiest recipes I have in my cookbook. I can whisk them up in no time. They're foolproof as long as you allow them to chill long enough before baking them._

 _1 egg & 1 yolk_

 _3 cups (450g) flour, sifted_

 _1 tsp baking soda_

 _1 & 1/2 cup brown sugar (260g)_

 _chocolate chips or butterscotch chips or whatever dried fruit you like_

 _3/4 tsp salt_

 _vanilla extract_

 _1 cup (225g) shortening or room temperature butter, according to which one you fancy_

 _|Chill one hour at least._

 _Bake 7 to 10 mn at 375°F._


	21. Chapter 21

Life, with a little spice Chapter 21

 _"I was so close, I swear, Major," Mitchell is telling Major Lawrence who's taken over the kitchens ever since he arrived on board almost a month ago now. "I could understand if Sheppard were to send me back but all he did was stare when I told him. How can the guy remain so cool? It's beyond what I can comprehend. I would go nuts if I were him..."_

 _Lawrence presses his lips together and he looks over Mitchell's shoulder. Cameron turns in his chair and sighs, seeing said guy approach his table. Lawrence stands at attention. "Sir," he greets Sheppard who waves at him tiredly and sits at the table._

 _"As you were, Major. Good thing you're here. I meant to see you. How's the kitchen?" he asks, motioning for Lawrence to join them._

 _"Good, Sir, I guess. I mean, the preps do as they're told. Louise trained them well," he replies._

 _Sheppard does not flinch or give any sign hearing her name hurts. "Good," he only says. "I wanted to thank you for coming to help us on such short notice. I know you'd rather be spending time with your grand kids."_

 _The other man gives him a tentative smile. "That's OK, Sir. I'm glad I can help in any way. And I'm sure you'll soon find her."_

 _Sheppard nods but looks away so Lawrence takes it as his cue to leave and excuses himself. That leaves both Colonels facing each other and suddenly Cam feels like the temperature has dropped several degrees._

 _"Look, Sheppard. He's right. We'll find her. They're bound to resurface somewhere. He obviously needs her fed well. I'm sure he'll take her with him again." Cam watches him intently but Sheppard doesn't agree nor does he disagree with him. He just stares into the distance. "We've got to have faith this will pan out just fine. Look at Vala. We thought we'd never see her again but she resurfaced and we got her back, though I'm not sure it was in my best interest," he banters, trying to lighten the mood._

 _John finally looks up at him coolly. "Look, Mitchell, I appreciate you being so positive and all but I beg to differ." He pauses and licks his lips. "I came here to tell you there are no hard feelings. You did what you could. Don't blame yourself. But I don't think we'll get another opportunity. At the moment, I'm pretty sure he's insured she'll never escape from his grasp again."_

 _Cam watches him. "You're worried he's going to punish her for it," he finally says._

 _Sheppard shrugs despondently. "That's what usually happens when a prisoner tries to escape, right? They're punished. Except it's Louise we're talking about."_

 _"She's survived worse," Mitchell reminds him._

 _"She's pregnant and obviously not in a good shape from what you saw," Sheppard counters, making Cam wince._

 _"Look, it means nothing. She's a fighter, that girl. I'm sure the baby's fine," Cam tries to reassure him, seeing how down he looks. He's worried about Louise too but somehow, he thinks she's going to make it._

 _Sheppard glares at him. "I don't care about the baby," he growls through clenched teeth then he checks himself, realizing the enormity of what he's just said. He sighs. "It's not what I meant," he apologizes._

 _Mitchell stands and pats his shoulder. "I know that, Sheppard. You're worried about her first and foremost – I get it. If that's OK with you, I'd like to bring in Vala." John looks up at him so he elaborates. "She's good with trading and making new buddies. She could get leads, establish contacts, make sure next time they resurface, we'll be informed in time and not happen to be there. You OK with that?"_

 _Sheppard shrugs to indicate he doesn't care one way or another. Cam pouts but decides to ignore his growing lack of hope. "Good, I'm calling the SGC."_

"Ma'am, boss said to bring you your portable fridge and these too," one of the guards tells her the next morning, showing her a couple of blankets.

She's hardly slept at all and has only forced herself to eat last night because, after learning she'd skipped lunch, Ventrell had come down to the brig himself and told her he'd force-feed her if he had to. She'd looked horrified and managed to have an apple and some goat milk with a little sugar and cocoa and then laid down on the hard bench and had not managed to fall sleep until much later – her dreams plagued with visions of women being fed with tubes and funnels like geese.

On top of that, she'd been woken up by someone's low whimpers of pain and had realized then that she wasn't the only prisoner on that ship. Her heart had gone out to whoever was on the other side of the wall – someone who was probably in a far worse condition than hers and she'd berated herself for feeling so low while she was fed and not tortured.

The guards walk into the room and set everything on the floor then one of them returns with her breakfast – nuts and milk and some berries plus a couple slices of coarse bread. "Boss said he'd be down shortly to make sure you've had your breakfast," he tells her, making her know she needs to comply no matter how nauseous she still feels.

She can't help asking. "What about the other prisoner?" she demands. "Is he gonna get breakfast too?"

The guards exchange a brief glance. "Not your business, Ma'am," one of them tells her then adds, wincing. "And you'd better not talk about that in front of the boss. I don't think he would take it too kindly."

She sighs and watches them leave her cell then sits on the bed despondently. She wraps one of the blankets around her shoulders, grateful for the little warmth it brings her after the chilly night. She eyes the tray containing her breakfast from time to time until she knows she can't wait any longer. She stands and walks to the only other furniture that's in the room – a stool where they've set the tray.

As she approaches the wall against which it stands, she can't help wondering about the other inmate and after a moment's hesitation, she softly knocks on the wall. "Hey," she calls, "anyone there?"

But she hears nothing so she grabs the tray and walks back to the bed. She starts munching on her nuts and fruit and when she feels this might be a good day – meal wise – she tries a little milk.

"I see you're being more reasonable today," Ventrell tells her as he enters her cell.

She shrugs. "I do what I can. I'm not trying to starve myself just for the sake of pissing you off, you know," she tells him.

He scoffs. "Really? So what was that stunt yesterday? Cause it did piss me off."

She looks away. "You can't expect me to not at least try, for Pete's sake! And it's unfair you're punishing me for that," she adds, training her eyes on him.

He nods slowly and pouts. "Yeah, well, you'll have to face the consequences now. I'm afraid you're gonna have to get used to your new room," he mocks her. "I can't let you go back to our former arrangement," he informs her.

She hangs her head. "How am I supposed to survive, not having anything to do?" she accuses him.

He shrugs. "Well, you'll manage somehow. And we might not have to keep you that long anyway," he adds.

"Why? What is that supposed to mean?" she cries out as she feels scare creep up her spine.

He eyes her despicably. "Not like that," he tells her. "I would never dare hurt a woman with child. I've just received word that our plan is getting ahead of time. You might get lucky and not stay here too long." He turns on his heels to leave.

"What is going to happen to me now?" she wants to know.

He turns to face her. "You stay here. You're not allowed to leave your cell or see anyone unless it's Drake. We've agreed it's safer that way," he replies.

"Why not you?" she wonders.

"Because... I'll be gone the next few days to organize things so he's got custody of you and believe me, he's far from happy about it so try not to get on his wrong side," he advises her.

 _Back on Atlantis_

 _"Found anything?" Sheppard asks her bluntly as she steps into the gate room. She's been there for hardly forty-eighty hours but has already been on three missions with Lorne and Cam, barely catching a few hours' sleep. Daniel has pressed upon her the importance of making it her priority for the moment and what Daniel wants, Daniel gets. And she has to admit – she likes the little pesky cook._

 _She refrains from telling Sheppard he could at least have the decency to let her breathe because she sees how hopeful he looks and that scares her because, let's face it, she agrees with him – there's a chance of a snowball in hell they might get Louise back if Ventrell doesn't release her._

 _She's talked to everyone on three different planets they've tagged as potentially on the pirate ship's path. No one knows anything. Or no one wants to say anything. All they know is what the ship looks like, but if they surmise Ventrell and the Trust have many more ships at their disposal, it's like looking for a hairpin in a huge stack of similar hairpins. Battered salvaged ships from the Goaul'd era used by roguish traders and pilots turned space pirates. And no one knows the Trust around these parts. Or at least, everyone seems to be playing dumb when it's obvious they've taken over part of the former Goau'ld fleet left to rust after the downfall of the last false gods._

 _It angers her not to have any shred of hope to offer Sheppard but what can she do? Stall and let him harbor false hopes? Or tell him to learn to let go? She's discussed this with Daniel – or rather had a huge fight with Daniel over it – and ended up promising him she'd do everything she can to get the little cook back alive but it may be a promise she won't be able to keep._

 _She shakes her head at Sheppard who's waiting for an answer, his arms crossed over his chest as he watches her skeptically. His jaw twitches and then the moment has passed and he turns on his heels and walks back to his office. "Gate back to Earth, Ms Mal Doran," he tells her over his shoulder. "Your services will be put to better use there and I'm sure Jackson can't wait to have you back."_

 _She follows him briskly into his office and bangs the door shut behind her, making Cam wince. Sheppard might look unruffled on the surface but Cam knows better. "What is that supposed to mean, Colonel?" she demands, royally pissed. "I haven't had a moment to myself ever since I arrived and it's only been two days and you're sending me back like I'm some poorly trained servant? Have you got any idea how long it takes to establish contacts? Have people trust you?" she yells at him, hands on hips._

 _He turns to her slowly and sits at his desk cautiously. Cam takes it as his cue to join the show. He pushes the door open and walks into the room. "Look, Vala," he offers, "I know you're tired and you've work hard so why don't you take some rest... Have a bath, a decent meal, catch a good night's sleep. We'll discuss this again tomorrow." He glances towards Sheppard for approval but the other man is looking into the distance. "Colonel?" Mitchell insists._

 _Sheppard looks up and nods tiredly. "Yes, why don't you, Ms Mal Doran? I didn't mean to offend you. Just offer you the possibility to return to Earth. There's not much you'll be able to do here anyway," he tells her._

 _She shrugs and walks out the door. It's only when Cam has closed the door again behind her that he addresses Sheppard. "You're not going to give up, are you?" he demands._

 _John shrugs. "I don't know what I should do, Mitchell. My guts tell me we don't leave our people behind..." He pauses and bites his bottom lip. "But my conscience tells me to heed Louise's advice. The first time was obviously a trap to keep us from doing the right thing. " He leans his elbows on the table and combs his hands through his hair tiredly._

 _Cam knows it takes a lot of worries to make a man like Sheppard look so down. "Look, Sheppard," he tells him as he sits in front of him. "It's not the first time you've had to make a decision like this. Pondering what's best or what's right... You can't possibly be thinking about giving up on her!" Sheppard pouts. "And you and I know damn well there are moments when Louise is not being rational or making the right decisions either. You know she'd gladly sacrifice herself for the good of this City. Don't let that get to you."_

 _Sheppard winces but nods. "Yes, she would but even she must know it's not only about her anymore. She can't possibly want me to sacrifice her and the baby. That would go against everything she believes in."_

 _"But she'd also fight anyone who'd want to harm this City in any way," Mitchell adds, voicing out Sheppard's own troubling thoughts. "Tell you what. We let Vala investigate for a couple more days and if she doesn't find anything of interest, you let her go."_

 _Sheppard silently nods and turns his attention to his computer, making the other man know the conversation is over so Mitchell nods too and leaves the room quietly, closing the door behind him._

Drake drops by her cell in the evening and brings her a tray then sits on the bench next to her while she eats. The silence between them is pregnant with Ventrell's word of advice.

She finally turns to him. "Look, I promise to finish it but I need time. And it doesn't help that you're watching me like a mother hen," she tells him, hoping to shake him off. Surely, he's got other fish to fry and all she wishes right now is to be left alone.

He narrows his eyes at her and the corner of his mouth turns up in what she's long identified as a grin of disdain. "Ventrell said to baby-sit you so I'll do as ordered but don't mistaken it for concern. I couldn't care less if you died," he warns her, making her shudder. "Either way, we'll get what we've come here for."

"You would defy your boss?" she challenges him, knowing how ruthless Ventrell can be under the veneer of a poised leader.

He gives her a grim smile. "I would never dare do that, Ms Léger, but accidents happen. Of course, it would be a shame but in a sense, I think it would make everyone a favor, don't you think?"

She feels panic grip her insides. Her breathing becomes uneven, giving her fear away though she tries to keep a brave front. She stands and lays the tray on the bench and stares him down. "You wouldn't survive, should I die under your guard," she warns him in return. "Don't you think for a moment Ventrell would forgive you. And as for anyone's best interest, you should think about your own and the one of your little roguish organization. I die, you lose the little leverage you have on Atlantis." She knows she was never good at playing poker and he can probably see through her, see how desperate and scared she is, but the hell she will cave in and give him the satisfaction of seeing her giving in to hopelessness.

He stands and towers over her. "I'm not gonna waste time arguing with you but know this, Ms Léger. We're anything but a 'little' organization as you say. We only want Sheppard to believe it. When he and your people realize how deep it goes, it will be way too late."

He points at the tray. "Finish your food, Ms Léger. I was not joking about feeding you to the Wraith," he adds ominously. "Accidents, as I said… A door unfortunately left ajar, you know… You may not die but you could very well lose the baby..." He sniggers on seeing her retreat to the farther end of her cell.

 _The next morning comes on Atlantis. Vala is sitting in the mess hall and having breakfast with Cam. At least, he's wolfing down his steaming stack of pancakes he's generously ladled with whipped butter and maple syrup and she is waving her fork in the air that seems to follow her own train of thought. Up and down, up and down it goes, sometimes making large circles until Cam gets tired of it and grabs it from her hand and lays it on the table with a clang._

" _Damn it, Vala! It's barely six and you've already used up all my patience for the day. Stop talking! I can't concentrate on what you're saying anyway," he growls._

 _She looks offended. "Daniel can," she counters. "You should try eating less and listening a little more, you know."_

 _He snorts. "That's because you two are two peas in a pod. You talk two hundred miles an hour and expect everyone to follow you!"_

 _She grins at him. "Well, thank you, Mitchell," she answers in that low, sugary sweet tone of hers that she uses to flirt with most men – out of habit._

 _He rolls his eyes and tucks in his breakfast once more._

 _She huffs. "You've not listened to a word I said, have you?"_

" _You're pissed because Sheppard is shipping you back to Earth," he mutters, his mouth full. "Nothing you haven't told me already."_

" _She's right, Mitchell," Ronon says, sitting next to Vala. He sets his tray on the table, grabs his fork and points at Mitchell. "You're not listening to her."_

" _And you are?" Cam mocks him._

 _Dex ignores him and chooses to turn to Vala. "You're saying Louise's disappearance is the tree that hides the forest, right?"_

 _She sighs with content. "Finally someone is listening! Yes, absolutely! Why so few men listen to what women have to say?" she reflects, mostly for her own sake._

 _Mitchell snorts, earning himself a glare. "It's not me, stupid, I'm talking about. It's our precious little cook!" she chides him._

 _He looks at her nonplussed. "Louise said to not repeat the same mistakes but we are!" She waves impatiently. "We're concentrating on finding her – or her abductors – and while we do, we're forgetting to think about the whys."_

 _Mitchell shrugs. "Simple enough! They're keeping Louise for leverage."_

" _You're not listening!" she groans. "What is their ultimate goal should be our concern. Stop trying to overrun the white rabbit! You get to the heart of the problem, you'll ultimately find Ms Léger."_

 _She turns to Dex. "You understand me. You know we can't find her that way. They're always one step ahead. I'm sure their constantly changing locations to evade us. And I'm sure they have support. You and I, we're good trackers," she tells him._

 _He nods. "The best!" he grunts._

 _Rodney, who's sat next to Mitchell snorts. "Full of yourself, aren't we?" he sniggers._

 _Vala stares him down. "Shut up, McKay. You're one to talk!" She rolls her eyes then adds. "I say we're up against much more than we think. It's time to change our strategy and start asking the right questions if we want the right answers..." She nods to herself and gulps down the last of her coffee. "Or you can send me back to Earth and keep on running around in circles and telling yourselves you're doing the right thing..."_

 _Dex stands and slaps her shoulder with the back of his hand. "Come with me," he grunts, grabbing his untouched tray. "It's time someone talked some sense into Sheppard."_

 _When they reach Sheppard's office, Rodney and Mitchell have joined them, their attention pricked._

 _Sheppard is conversing with Lorne. Dex doesn't bother to knock. "Sheppard, we need to talk," he tells the other man bluntly._

 _John trains a tired gaze on him and the rest of party filing into his office. "We're working here, Dex. I'm sure it can wait until we're done," he tells him sternly._

" _No, it can't. Vala has a theory – a good one," Ronon counters him._

" _We all know Ms Val Doran's wild imagination," Lorne scoffs._

 _She makes a face at him and turns to Sheppard. "Or it could be my expertise talking here," she counters his 2IC. "And if I remember correctly, I was brought here precisely for it."_

 _John ponders it and motions at her to sit across his desk. He glances at Mitchell and McKay. "And you're here because…?" he prompts._

" _Because, though I hate to admit it, I think she's got a point," Rodney grants reluctantly. Vala's grin is as wide as the Cheshire cat's. He makes a show of ignoring her look of triumph._

 _Sheppard motions for them to take a seat and Cam takes charge, recounting briefly their earlier conversation._

" _Look, Colonel," Vala says, "what I'm saying is this. Ventrell can tell you he's holding Louise hostage in exchange for something he wants you to do but I'm sure there's more to it. It's a smoke screen."_

 _She ticks her theories on her fingers as she goes along. "One, why doesn't he simply say what he wants? Two, why can't we get leads from anyone, friends or foes alike? Three, how come no one wonders what the hell this Trust is doing in this part of the universe, far from their own turf? Four, how come no one is spooked by the fact Ventrell had so easily murdered all those people at the SGC?"_

 _Sheppard stops her with his raised hand. He closes his eyes and rubs his fingers on them. "Don't you think we haven't asked ourselves the same questions?" he counters tiredly._

 _She shakes her head impatiently. "You have but you've not connected the dots!"_

 _He raises his eyebrows. "Meaning?" he demands._

 _She huffs. "Meaning you're seeing each event separately. I'm seeing them as all part of a grander scheme."_

" _Think of it as a chess game, Sheppard," Rodney butts in. "Ventrell – or whoever he's working for – is patiently organizing his pawns, one by one. Louise is not the first strike. She'll be the last. He's not revealed yet what he wants in exchange for her freedom because it would give him away. We took for granted that Ventrell was the Trust's new leader. We said it. He didn't. We don't even know if it's the Trust."_

 _Lorne, who's been deep in thought until now, interrupts him. "Ventrell said he wanted us to move Atlantis to another destination. To what end? We're already on the edge of the Pegasus galaxy. If they were the Trust, they would want us as far from Earth as possible…" He looks up at his CO and pouts. "Just thinking out loud here, boss," he says apologetically._

 _Sheppard wets his lips. "No, go on, you all. Anything can help at this point."_

 _Vala raises her hand. Sheppard nods at her. "Sorry to insist but they clearly have support in these parts. Who could benefit from Atlantis being weakened or even inoperative?"_

" _Wraith?" Cam ventures and sighs in exasperation when Vala gives him a withering look. "Alright, guess that's not a good guess."_

" _The Wraith would not pair up with these guys and I guess they wouldn't either," Ronon replies._

 _Cam makes a face. "Again, assumptions!" He turns to Vala. "Taking your advice," he amends._

 _She nods in agreement. "That guy you released… Todd. Can't you try and have some intel from him. Prod a little to see if he knows something?" she asks Sheppard._

 _He shakes his head and sighs tiredly. "We've tried to contact him. Haven't had any contact with him for the last three months."_

" _Come to think about it, Sheppard," Rodney chimes him, "we haven't had much contact with any of the Wraith since then either..."_

" _Maybe they're all dead," Dex banters and winks at Vala. She doesn't take the bait but remains pensive. "What?" he asks._

 _She traces patterns on John's desk, thinking. "Maybe they are..." she finally replies._

 _John leans towards her and eyes her worriedly. "You're joking, right?"_

 _She shakes her head slowly. "From what I understood, Dr Keller hoped he would help her improve the serum. Maybe he didn't wait and did his own experiments..." she offers._

 _Rodney shakes his head. "No way. Jen said he's good at what he's doing but not that good. She was hoping they'd collaborate on more research when she'd brought in new scientists into the project."_

" _Why hasn't she?" Vala wants to know._

 _He shrugs. "Bad timing with Louise's disappearance and all. Plus she did try to contact him but he did not reply. We thought it was not our top priority." Vala raises her eyebrows. "With all that happened prior to Atlantis' return to Earth, it seemed that most Wraith ships chose to return to hibernation. Ask Teyla. Even she can't feel their presence and it's true that none of the ships we're monitoring on our own long-range sensors seem to have any suspect activity."_

" _That's what Dex and I were saying – dead," she replies adamantly._

 _He rolls his eyes and looks at John. "What do you think, Sheppard?"_

 _His friend sighs and shakes his head. "It's not our priority but if you all think it is, then I guess we could check it out..."_

 _He sees Rodney's eyes widen and can't help smirking. "Wow, wow, wait! That's not what I said," Rodney protests, making the rest of the team laugh. He turns to them exasperated. "Stop acting like I'm a damn coward, people! I'm not. But I still have a vivid memory of my last foray onto a Wraith ship… Not something I intend to repeat if that can be helped, you know."_

 _Cam looks at John expectantly. "It's your call. If you think it's important to eliminate that lead or confirm it..."_

" _I do," Sheppard replies. He stands. "Rodney, find us the closest Wraith ship and determine a trajectory."_

" _I want to come with you," Jen says to him as she enters his office a little later on._

" _And I have nothing against it, doc'. Of course you're in," he agrees. "With a little luck, it might bring light to a few of the questions we have and I want you there in case we discover Todd has tried to brew his own serum."_

 _She crosses her arms over her chest. "Why would he do that? Even he had agreed it was too difficult to work on that project alone."_

 _Sheppard shrugs. "Don't know. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it but I sure would like to lay my hands on him. We had a deal and he's obviously breaking it by flying under the radar."_

" _Don't you think it's possible he can't contact us because something happened to him?" she counters._

 _He shakes his head. "Knowing Todd, he'd find a way. He's a survivor after all."_

 _A few hours later, the City has finally reached its destination – a cluster of Wraith ships that by the look of it seem in hibernation._

" _We can't be too careful," Sheppard tells the different teams he's assembled in the jumper bay. "We get in, we get out. We stay in constant contact and if anything should happen, we fall back. No maybes. We just return to the jumpers immediately. I don't want to lose anyone on a simple recon mission, especially when we're flying blind."_

 _He turns to Teyla. "Feel anything now we're closer?" he wants to know._

 _She shakes her head, looking worried. "I should by now."_

 _He points at her and Lorne. "You two, man the ship while we're gone. If anything should happen, protect the City at all costs." He gets curt nods in agreement with his orders._

 _He turns to his teams. "Let's get this show on the road. Remember. Be quick and quiet."_

" _That can't be!" Jen exclaims then drops her voice to whisper level when he glares at her. "Who are those people?"_

 _They're standing in the middle of what normally serves as the many hives on board but the pods are void of Wraith. They've had to step over bodies of seemingly sleeping people to reach the middle of the room – ordinary people who are suspiciously sporting Wraith clothes._

 _He eyes her impatiently. "I suggest you start working now, doc'. Get samples so we get a move on. I have no intention of being still there when they wake up," he whispers back to her. He walks out of the room and taps his headset. "McKay, what have you got?"_

" _Bodies lying around. Human. At least they look like it," comes the worried voice of his chief scientist. "You?"_

" _Same here," John replies. "Keller is getting samples from the bodies. Can you do the same and some from the air too?"_

" _I already have, Sheppard," Rodney replies a little too curtly. John can't help smirking. Rodney is always one step ahead – or ten – and is always pissed that people might think he's not._

" _And..." he wants to know._

 _He can almost see Rodney rolling his eyes. "The air's been tempered with but no, before you ask, it's not dangerous to us. And I don't need to study it to tell you that it's not our own doing. So clearly not Todd's creation either, except if the guy's suddenly turned super intelligent," he sniggers._

 _In other circumstances, John would probably argue with him but there's no time for that. "Get whatever you need and return to the jumpers," he orders him. "I'll check on the others and join you when Doc's done here too."_

" _Same sight everywhere," Radek tells them. "Mr Dex and I visited several rooms. Bodies of obviously turned Wraith. I can't say I'm unhappy about it..."_

 _They're back on Atlantis after visiting all Wraith hives and everywhere it seems the serum given to them has had the same effect – to turn them into humans._

" _Are we sure they're fully humans and not a trick to deceive us?" Ronon wants to know._

 _Jen shakes her head adamantly. "Whoever did this did it well. I ran all the tests I had prepared for our experiments with Todd. I can state that they're a hundred percent human."_

" _How come they didn't wake up?" John wants to know._

 _She pouts. "Why they're not waking up, I can tell you. To what end is the only mystery that remains to be solved." She elaborates. "The gas that probably contained the serum and which Rodney found traces of contained a powerful sedative."_

 _Rodney takes it from there. "There's no way it was a by-product of the serum. Whoever did this wanted them human and asleep. Probably so they wouldn't have to worry about baby-sitting them."_

" _When will they wake up?" Teyla wants to know. "Or maybe I should ask if they will ever wake up..."_

" _They will," Jen says. "Rodney determined that they've been like this for less than a week. I chose a sample group in several hives and checked their constants and they're good. They're in a sort of coma but everything leads us to believe they will soon wake up."_

" _What will happen to them when they do?" Vala wonders._

" _Don't tell me you worry about them?" Rodney exclaims. "They're Wraiths, for Christ's sake!"_

 _She shakes her head. "Actually, I do, and no, they're not Wraiths. Technically speaking, they're human now… But if you wanna know, McKay, I'm mostly worried about what they could do with the technology they have at hand..."_

" _Which is why Rodney's downloaded a virus in all the hive ships' main drives so they won't be able to move them for a long while," John replies._

 _Cam smirks. "Oh, that's why you guys insisted on getting a little tour of the ships… Well thought, you guys! Better safe than sorry," he agrees._

 _John nods at him. "But that doesn't answer the question of who is behind this? Someone who's capable of coming up with such a powerful airborne virus is a potential threat to us as well."_

" _Todd?" Cam ventures._

 _Sheppard shakes his head in disagreement. His whole team seems to agree with him. "Not the Todd we know anyway. My next question is – does it have anything to do with our other problem? I was not under the impression Ventrell's little organization could do such things. Are we deluding ourselves?"_

 _He turns to Cam. "Colonel, could you return to the SGC and work on your end to gather as much intel as you can on the Trust and its potential ramifications? I think it's high time we started connecting the dots before it's too late."_

 _TBC_


	22. Chapter 22

_Life, with a little spice Chapter 22_

They get a call from the SGC later during the day. Cam has been gone for several hours and Vala is really starting to get on everybody's nerves, screaming bloody hell that Cam is gonna pay for it – not keeping her apprised of where Daniel is and all.

"Jackson says you're a control freak," Sheppard remarks pointedly. "Let the man breathe, for Chris' sake!"

"We're receiving transmission from the SGC, Sir," Chuck tells Sheppard.

The other man nods at him in agreement. "Put them through."

Walter appears on screen, with Mitchell in the background. He's got that deep crease between his eyebrows that always signals trouble and his arms are folded over his chest. He briefly nods at Sheppard. "Colonel..."

Sheppard mirrors him. "Colonel… We were awaiting your call much earlier..." he prompts.

Mitchell smiles grimly. "Sorry. Protocol," is all he replies. John sees him tap impatiently on his arm.

He lifts his eyebrows. "You were never much of a talker," he banters, narrowing his eyes at him. "Care to elaborate?"

He sees Walter wince. "Sir, there's been a change in command here," he explains.

John chooses to keep his cool though there's that foreboding sense of doom looming over them. He taps Chuck's shoulder. "Get the others," he says, keeping his voice down low.

Vala is already there, bouncing on her feet impatiently. "No wonder," she exclaims petulantly. "Our dear General has more than deserved retiring after all the good work he's done. Time for younger people to run the show! Who's the new boss?" she wants to know. "And where's Daniel?" she adds impatiently for Mitchell's benefit. "I wanna talk to him stat."

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes but it's not him who answers her.

"Dr Jackson is on an important and, may I say, secret mission, for the SGC, Ms Maldoran." A tall man who looks eerily familiar fills the screen, stepping in front of Cam.

McKay, who's just arrived with the rest of the team, can't help scoffing, making the other man smir in return. "You got to be kidding!"

Senator Stevenson, formerly Head of the Appropriation Committee, weasel extraordinaire and incidentally uncle to former Head of the food service on Atlantis Buckley, only looks vaguely amused. "I certainly kid you not," he replies lightly, clearly making fun of the scientist.

McKay glares at him. "I was not talking to you, FYI," he growls.

John lays a warning hand on his friend's arm. "Careful," he says under his breath.

He nods at Stevenson. "Senator… May I ask when said replacement took place?" he asks coolly. He locks eyes with Mitchell for a brief moment and sees the same warning in his eyes. Stevenson's appointment is clearly very bad news, not because he's not military, but because he's not Weir's kind, but rather Kinsey's. And if he's managed to get that position, then it's running deep in the government and probably has for quite some time. Nothing happens by pure coincidence, especially not when it's about the utmost top secret program in the world.

"A couple days ago..." the other man replies casually. Obviously, he's not ready to give details.

"Which explains why it took so long to get back to you," Mitchell adds. "The Senator wanted to debrief me as soon as I arrived..." He raises his eyebrows at Sheppard, as if he hoped the other man could read his mind.

Mc Kay's eyes suddenly light up but for once he refrains from snapping his fingers impatiently and most annoyingly. "Yeah, yeah," he replies hurriedly. He crosses his arms on his chest too. "Well, you could have given us a call at least to keep us in the loop… Say, I've just arrived, so can you fill me in on what you said before? Rewind a little, will you?"

Vala huffs and slaps his shoulder impatiently. "He didn't say anything, stupid. We'd barely said hi when you showed up!"

McKay huffs but grabs Chuck's notepad and scribbles something on it. "Whatever!" he snaps back and props the pad on the console, in plain sight for everyone to see. "Morse, Mitchell, finger, pay attention!"

Amelia, who's sitting next to Chuck is the first to react. She starts taping the live feed a second before Chuck grabs a pen and paper and sits it between them. They both start scribbling, taking turns watching the screen, leaving the rest of the team to concentrate on what's being said.

McKay relaxes when he sees Mitchell lift his hand briefly from his arm as if he'd gotten the hint and then starts tapping his arm again.

"So," John prompts, giving time to Mitchell to deliver his message. "What's new? Where's everyone?" he adds lightly, hoping Mitchell will fill him in on who they can count on. "And why has Landry suddenly decided to retire without so much as a party?" he banters. "I'm sure General O'Neill was so planning on cake at the very least..." He hopes Mitchell will get his drift.

He sees he does from all the intel appearing on paper so he focuses most of his attention on the new commander of the base and only discreetly glances from time to time to his subordinates' scribbling.

"General Landry was replaced by the President," Stevenson replies curtly.

John nods, deciding to play it cool. No need to rub the good senator the wrong way – yet. "Of course..." In his mind, he can see it quite clearly. There's a whole world of difference between the President signing the order that everyone knew would inevitably come some day soon, Landry having done more than his share and making no mystery about his desire to retire, and him having to because someone he owned to would suddenly decide it was the right time for him to call him on his debt.

"You're well aware, I'm sure, that the President – as our Commander in Chief – can decide of anyone's appointment or end of, for that matter, including your own, Colonel Sheppard," Stevenson goes on.

"Now, wait a minute!" McKay can't help exclaiming angrily.

"Or yours..." Stevenson adds offhandedly.

"If anyone were stupid enough to accept said positions..." Vala sniggers. Stevenson raises his eyebrows. She clears her throat. "I mean, you know, galaxy full of mean enemies ready to ask for your head every other day…"

He pouts. "Very funny, Ms Maldoran! Anyway," he adds, turning to Sheppard again, "I'm still trying to find my bearings here so I just wanted to inform you that as of now, I won't be able to dispense with Colonel Mitchell. You'll have to do without him. You can keep Ms Maldoran though."

"That's very kind of you," McKay replies, making a face.

Vala giggles, pleased that she's yet again managed to piss him off, then sobers up. "That's kind of you, yes, Senator, but I need to see Daniel. Where is he?" she demands.

"I told you already, Ms Maldoran. What don't you understand in the word secret?" he mocks her.

"Jackson MIA. Will try find him," says the message immediately translated on the paper.

Vala gasps but lowers her gaze and falls silent when Teyla elbows her. No need for Stevenson to know something is up. If Mitchell needs to work on his end, he's gonna have to make Stevenson believe he can trust him. "Then we'll have to manage without them both," Teyla says softly, her tone appeasing, and nods at Stevenson with a smile that they all have learned to identify as the eye of the storm.

Mitchell has finally stopped tapping his arm and is now eerily sedate. No one seems to have noticed what was going on, back at the SGC, except for Walter who's turned once towards him briefly. Walter has been part of the program from the start. There's no way he would willingly betray them. Of course, all kinds of scary scenario pop into everyone's mind, even Teyla's rational one, but there's not much they can do to help Mitchell at the moment.

"Yeah, you're on your own, kids," Mitchell banters though his grim look belies his words. From what they've just read on the transcripts Amelia and Chuck have worked on, they are all indeed isolated and can only count on themselves and since Stevenson is at the helm of the SGC now, probably not even on each other.

"Do you need anyone else with you?" John offers, ready to sacrifice one of his own team to go help Mitchell. "Not that I can really spare a lot of people, especially with the search, but still, if you need anyone, Mitchell..." he says, hoping the other man will take the hint if he needs it.

"We'll manage here," Stevenson cuts them in. "As for that search," he adds, letting the last word hang in the air for a second, "I'm sending you an order from the President to stop the search for Ms Léger as of now." He nods at Walter to send said file. "I conversed with him just this morning and we agreed this was really a waste of time and staff. You need to refocus on the City and its safety, first and foremost."

John's look turns so murderous, even Ronon has to warn him with a "man, careful, here..."

"We don't leave our own behind," he replies curtly, his eyes daggers as he locks eyes with Stevenson.

The other man scoffs. "Really? As I remember properly, you did leave quite a few of your own behind, Colonel Sheppard..." His voice becomes sweet and sour. "Shall I quote names? Ford, Weir, Beckett..." he says wickedly, ticking the names on his fingers. "Not that I'm saying you weren't right to do so, Colonel," he adds hurriedly with a devious smile. "They were indeed lost to us. Accept that Ms Léger is too. It'll be better for everyone, especially you and your position on Atlantis..." he warns him, narrowing his eyes at him.

"Is that a threat?" John replies through clenched teeth.

Stevenson barks a laugh. "Come on, Colonel, you know how things go. It's certainly not your first rodeo. I'm merely stating a fact. You disobey the President's orders, he'll have you replaced. That's how it works."

John looks away, his jaw still clenched. "Understood, Sir," is all he manages to utter. "We'll call you back tomorrow to keep you apprised."

Stevenson nods curtly. "SGC out," he only replies and nods towards Walter to severe the connection.

"Tell me you're not seriously considering abandoning the search," Rodney demands as soon as he's sure the SGC can't hear them.

John turns coolly towards him. "I'm not considering it. Of course." He taps Chuck on the shoulder. "Get me those transcripts as soon as you have them at the ready. We'll need them to make decisions."

He then turns to the others. "In my office." It's not a request. It's an order and for once, McKay doesn't discuss it.

TBC


End file.
